Looking for Some Advice

[LadyInPink]

Well, I've joined this community since I, like all of you, have just been diagnosed with genital herpes. I'm scared, I feel gross, I disinfect everything as often as I can, wash my hands at least 3 or 4 times after using the bathroom, and I just feel like I'm going crazy. I'm 32, and I just had my first outbreak. I haven't had sex in about a month and a half, so either I've had this for years and never known, or my most recent sexual partner gave it to me, but he is clean (according to him). Of course, I thought I was clean, too. I've had many STD tests before and never been diagnosed with anything. So I'm just confused as to where I got this, or if I've passed it along to other people. I feel like I'm this walking herpes infection, spreading it everywhere I go...

I'm afraid to share the bathroom with the family I'm living with, or touch anything in their house because i feel like I'm going to spread it around to them. Or I feel like I need to wash my clothes constantly, or if I touch my underwear and don't wash my hands immediately I could pass it around my body (even though I use panty liners), and I feel like I need to burn the panty liners. I'm trying to maintain normalcy (just throwing the panty liners in the trash like normal, still touching door knobs and other items in the house like normal), but I'm still scared. I don't touch the sores (or my genitals, if I can avoid it), unless I'm wiping after using the toilet, and I try to wash my hands immediately after. However, sometimes when I put lotion on my legs after the shower I'm afraid I may have accidentally touched the area. I don't know, maybe I'm going crazy, maybe I'm being paranoid (maybe I'm saying too much on a public forum), but I'm looking for answers that no one can really give.

Also, I've told my most recent partner about this, but should I be going back further? Some men I was with over 3 or 4 years ago and don't talk to anymore. I'm just not sure how concerned I should be with all of this. And do I tell the family I'm living with? Is it something they should know?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[VVK]

Hi LadyInPink

Welcome to Honeycomb. Did you get diagnosed visually or did you get a swab taken?

Take a read through some of the pinned topics on these forums. They are a good read and may be helpful to you. This one in particular is good:

With respect to contacting partners 3 years back and further, I wouldn't worry about it. You don't know when you were infected and based on your description, you most likely got it from your most recent sexual partner. STI testing doesn't usually include tests for herpes because the test is somewhat expensive, most people that are affected are asymptomatic (there is nothing to treat), and most people test positive anyway (more than 80% of the population has HSV Type I and more than 25% has HSV Type II). Your last sexual partner very likely is a carrier of HSV 1 and/or 2.

[LadyInPink]

I had a swab culture done. Visually the doctor said it looked like an irritation from a yeast infection. My most recent partner claims to be clean and never had any symptoms, and will get a new test now. I don't really know what the blame game does at this point. I guess to put my own mind at ease I'd like to know where it came from and how long I've had it, and I'd prefer to know that he gave it to me and I didn't give it to him (though i'd ultimately prefer that none of this ever happened). He seems to agree that I gave it to him, though.

[VVK]

A simple type-specific IgG blood test would likely show whether this is a new infection for you and/or him. However, you're right in questioning what the blame game is worth. In the end, it's a skin condition that will fade away and likely become a non-issue for you in due time. The stigma and paranoia is the worst part of it.

[november13]

Do you know if it's HSV1 or 2? If not, call the dr's and see if they know. 

I really wouldn't worry about calling past partners, unless that's something that's going to really bother you. Blood tests aren't 100% accurate, so they could get tested and be told they are negative when they are positive. It just seems like a lot of stress for nothing. 

And don't stress so much about spreading it. If you have had it for a while, then you have antibodies already that will help protect you. But regardless, herpes is only passed skin to skin so touching underwear isn't going to hurt you. It's not that easy to spread around. Just wash your hands like you've been doing and it will be fine. No need to tell anyone unless you plan on having sex with them. 

[LadyInPink]

Thank you all so much for the replies. This is the first time I've ever had an outbreak, so I've heard it's likely my most recent partner, even though I'm pretty sure the last time we had sex was before Christmas. I should probably take the blame off of myself if he ends up having it. My doctor told me to have a blood test done in 8 weeks for HSV2. So far the culture just claims herpes, I guess. I'm not sure, it's all confusing. Luckily she also tested me for 2 other STDs and those were negative. I'm wondering if I should get tested again for more? I was just tested last May and never got the results, and I always assumed no news is good news, but now I'm a little more scared.

I'm glad I don't need to tell my family. I'd prefer to just be extra cautious and sanitary and keep this hidden right now. I'm hoping one day I can be like all of you and find some confidence. 

[LadyInPink]

4 hours ago, VVK said:

A simple type-specific IgG blood test would likely show whether this is a new infection for you and/or him. However, you're right in questioning what the blame game is worth. In the end, it's a skin condition that will fade away and likely become a non-issue for you in due time. The stigma and paranoia is the worst part of it.

I was told by my doctor to get a blood test in 8 weeks, is this the blood test I should be getting? Should I get it sooner? I have an appointment this week to get more STD tests done so I can make sure I don't have something worse. I just want to be as healthy as I can be.

Also, I've heard a lot that the virus is easily killed outside of the body, which is why it is a STD, it takes friction and contact to pass it. Knowing that, is it safe to assume that it would be difficult for me to pass it to other areas of my body in the shower, even if I touch it? I try to keep that area clean, especially because right now I have some bleeding going on (my period ended around the 16th and I just started bleeding again yesterday, weird...). So in the shower I may touch it to make sure its clean and getting better. With the hot water and use of shower gels, shampoo, face wash, etc, is it safe to assume this is the best time to touch it and not risk spreading it anywhere?

[VVK]

If you get the IgG blood test now and it comes back negative, it would indicate that this is your primary (first) outbreak. Then, at 8 weeks, you can get another to see which type it comes back as - that is, if the swab culture results didn't already tell you that.

You will be safe in the shower doing what you plan to do. HSV is very fragile outside of the body and the combination of water, soap, cleansers, etc. will work against it further.

[LadyInPink]

So, essentially, I don't really need to worry about passing it along around my house or at other friends houses? I don't need to wash clothing/towels more, or wash myself more often, or avoid people, or disinfect everything i touch all the time?

[VVK]

Pretty much.