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I just need help dealing


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I've had this for 5 yrs and its kept me alone for the most of it. I get rejected all the time because of it so I literally stopped dating for almost 3 yrs. I'd go on dates but when it got to close I'd let it fizzle out due to the fact I have been rejected so many times because of this its easier if I end it then allowing them to end it because of this. This last one about killed me. I went on a date not expecting to have an amazing time which we did. 7 hrs later I was still hanging out with this guy and either one of us wanted the night to end. The last month and a half have been pretty amazing. We did everything together and had great chemistry. Well I had to tell him it was getting to that point. I honestly thought this one will accept it how can he not considering how great we are together. I was dead wrong. He tried for almost 2 weeks after to get over it but he couldn't. I again ended it before I allowed him to it was going to happen. Now I'm back to feeling like I did every time this happens and its like I'm finding out I have it all over again. I feel worthless, dirty and untouchable which break's my heart. I'm a good girl with great qualities but this one thing stops me from the lifestyle I want. I have no clue what to do at this point I'm going to end up alone. Please help me!

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Hi skyisthelimit, i know it sucks dealing with h, this make life even more complicated. I dont know, maybe it is a good option to stay single. I read on Quara a lot of people live single and stay happy. If you need someone to talk to, message me anytine.

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Men can suck.Have you considered online dating? You might not find your soul mate, but it could boost up your self esteem and help you feel  reassured that you're not alone.Worst case scenario , you two could just end up good friends, supporting each other with the struggles of dating etc.

this too shall pass, is correct, you can live a very happy life being single. Most women will end up living on there own due to divorce and the mere fact that most men die a few years or even decades before women! 

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Agree it's dating is hard regardless but it sounds like you need confidence and self esteem. They say no one can love you unless you love yourself. Like said before, try dating and get some confidence:) 

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@skyisthelimit518 have you ever considered if the results have something to do with the way that you disclose - i.e. what you actually say? It can be as simple as making it sound like a bigger deal than it actually is and this vibe can get picked up very easily by the person you disclose to. I'm not trying to place the blame on you, but rather pointing out that there may be more to it than you may think. I will echo the importance of confidence here. You have to believe in your own self worth. This virus does not define you as a person and, once you can confidently think that, then your disclosures will sound a lot different.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree with what everyone said before.

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm proud of you for sharing that info with him and giving him the time to think things over - but it definitely seems like he missed out on a wonderful person.  

Little things like reminding yourself that this diagnosis doesn't define you, or that numerous people are infected and may not know what herpes really is, and just that everything will be okay,.. Does help, it takes time. If anything, it's teaching me and other people with herpes that the guys/girls that do fall for us value us as a person, and not just the things we can do in the bedroom. If you ever need to talk, message me :)

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    • KKaren
      Thank you for your response.  I will ask for that test.
    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
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