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I just need help dealing


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I've had this for 5 yrs and its kept me alone for the most of it. I get rejected all the time because of it so I literally stopped dating for almost 3 yrs. I'd go on dates but when it got to close I'd let it fizzle out due to the fact I have been rejected so many times because of this its easier if I end it then allowing them to end it because of this. This last one about killed me. I went on a date not expecting to have an amazing time which we did. 7 hrs later I was still hanging out with this guy and either one of us wanted the night to end. The last month and a half have been pretty amazing. We did everything together and had great chemistry. Well I had to tell him it was getting to that point. I honestly thought this one will accept it how can he not considering how great we are together. I was dead wrong. He tried for almost 2 weeks after to get over it but he couldn't. I again ended it before I allowed him to it was going to happen. Now I'm back to feeling like I did every time this happens and its like I'm finding out I have it all over again. I feel worthless, dirty and untouchable which break's my heart. I'm a good girl with great qualities but this one thing stops me from the lifestyle I want. I have no clue what to do at this point I'm going to end up alone. Please help me!

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You are not alone in this and know you will not be alone for the rest of your life unless you choose to be. I understand how Trite this sounds! Look around this site and you will see many stories of people finding love and the perfect partner, for them, even though they too have HSV. Bonus is they have not passed it on so there is something to having knowledge about it.  You will see the stats on the prevalence of this virus here and I am sure it will floor you!

I educated myself as much as possible around this virus, not the negatives, only the facts that helped me understand it and its effects on My body. When I had to have "the talk" it also came with specifics to help him understand the risks and my intention to ensure his health and welfare based on my understanding and my dedication to my own health and his.

Perhaps try a different angle. How many of us ask our prospective partners to get tested to see what we are actually dealing with? You may both be bringing something to the party! I had long term relationships with 2 men who had cold sores since childhood but never told me! They put me at risk because of their lack of knowledge and not revealing to me. I guess what I was doing to help myself worked in more ways than I knew! Since I am in Canada I can go to a free clinic to check for STD's but I certainly do not know how this works in other countries so this may not be an easy option. 

 I have a friend who has never had a symptom, indication, anything to do with HSV 2 yet he is a carrier and infected his wife who now has active outbreaks because they had no idea. He never has any indications when he is shedding so she is in constant risk of dealing with something he has no warning is there! Sometimes the devil you know is easier to deal with!!!

People are amazing and have a capacity for love that goes beyond a virus. I am not going to say that you will not be rejected again or that magical man will suddenly appear, but you are much more than this skin dis-ease.  Knowledge is strength, in so many ways. 

Edited by SureWhyNot
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Hello Skyisthelimit518, I know that being rejected is sucks but maybe this is just a journey in finding the one that meant for you and also being single is not that bad actually.

You are not alone, you got us here who are on the same boat. Cheers :)

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    • WilsoInAus
      I really suggest that the best thing is for both you and your boyfriend to obtain the Westernblot HSV test. He has a 50%+ chance of being positive and you have a 50%+ chance of being negative. Only the Westernblot can sort this out for you.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @kpn the first thing to note is that it is all OK to have HSV-1 or indeed any HSV type. It is not negligence, it is just being human. Oral HSV-1 is not an STD in the sense that the primary transmission is non sexual and the majority of it occurs between parents to children. If any of your children contracted HSV, you would know it. It wouldn't be a silent infection for children. HSV-2 tends not to shed from the oral region for people who have it there in any event. At age 73, about 80% of the population has HSV-1. There is no reason to believe that your mother isn't one of those people. About half of all carriers of oral HSV-1 do not realise they have it and have no living memory of cold sores as they were infected when very young. The most logical explanation is that your mother has oral HSV-1 from her childhood and that your daughter doesn't have oral HSV. Not that it is relevant to anyone but yourself, but your wife might find she actually has genital HSV-1 having had an untyped swab when she was diagnosed.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @Dylan86 and welcome to the website. First note that you cannot pragmatically become infected with HSV-1 from sharing a drink. If you carry HSV-1, it did not come from that episode. As such it is extremely unlikely HSV-1 is the primary cause of your issues. Can the WB miss a HSV-1 infection? Rarely but its feasible in less than 1% of carriers who test with WB. Note that the WB does not have values, it has positive or negative as you say. It is way more accurate than IgG as it looks for all 30+ antibodies that are in your blood for HSV. Could you have HSV-1? Yes it is feasible, but it would be a very old childhood infection. Could HSV-1 be causing your oral issues? No herpes will not cause the burning mouth syndrome you describe. Could some of the lesions be herpes related? It is feasible if you are a carrier. But it is unlikely to be the primary cause of the issues, but its an opportunistic virus that can cause issues when something else is taxing your immune system. The best thing you can do is the PCR test on a oral lesion and that will be pretty definitive. Either way, in summary. I'd suggest there is <1% chance you are part of about 70% of the population that has HSV-1. Further there is less than a 1% chance that herpes is the primary cause of your issues.   
    • kpn
      My wife has had hsv 2 for around 8 years. We have two young children 3 years old and 18 months old. My wife only had one outbreak when she was first infected so we didn't worry too much about passing it on to our children. I understand the risk to be pretty low under those circumstances. I don't believe my wife took antivirals during either pregnancy. My younger child has diaper rashes pretty often and has had what I thought was hand foot and mouth disease. That was going around the daycare a while back. I haven't really given it much concern though.  About a week ago, my mother kissed my youngest on the lips. My kid was congested at the time but they pretty much always are. About 3 days later, my mother developed a cold sore on her mouth. She has never had cold sores in her life and she is 73 and happily married so she is not going around messing with anyone. She pointed to the fact she had kissed my youngest and presumed that is where she was infected. At first I said that's not possible since my child has never had any cold sores but since then I have really started to consider that maybe it is possible she contracted it from my daughter. This has me worried that my daughter does indeed have hsv2 and was shedding in her mouth. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am really losing sleep about this. Two people I care so much about got hsv from my negligence. I am fine if I were to contract it, I am not worried about what others think at this point in my life. I just don't want anyone else to have it. 
    • CHT
      Hello DavidGua.... based on the two pictures, I'm not seeing anything that resembles a typical herpes outbreak.  I am not sure what those spots are on your penis.  Please have a doctor take a look and I'm sure you'll get a proper diagnosis.  Have you ever received an HSV antibody test (IgG)?  Again, I doubt your symptoms are herpes-related but, if you'd like some peace of mind, you could request the IgG antibody test for HSV2.   Best of luck.... let us know if you have any other questions/concerns.
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