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Selfish Rant


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I'm so frustrated, and quite frankly, angry.  I have so much pent up rage that I needed to find a place to let it out.  So forgive me if I seem whiny, or ungrateful, or anything less than a decent human being.  I have no one is my life that will understand, or that would try very hard to care.  I haven't had a chance to read through much, so honestly, I don't know what has already been posted, I just need to say it all now.

I had my first full on outbreak 5 years ago, although it feels like a lifetime ago, and I haven't had any open sores since the first year.  I am so grateful to have not suffered through that again, but I am still impacted a few times a year.  Mainly when my stress is out of control, when I'm sick, or when the two overlap.  I always know the virus is coming when my lymph nodes become swollen and extremely tender and my throat is sore for no obvious reason.  The feverish feelings are usually not far behind, all my joints will feel like there's sand paper layered in them, and the extreme exhaustion hits like a ton of bricks.  Earlier last week I had a mild head cold, no big deal, but then my stress level skyrocketed and something that should have been gone, turned into massive amounts of mucus leaking from my head and a cough so bad that I can't even lie down to rest.  And well, that sneaky old herpes virus took this opportunity to rear it's ugly little head.  So now, on top of the cold symptoms, I have a whole heap of other ones to throw on my load, all while taking care of all the shit that is stressing me out, and caring for my two young children.

Now that I have finished setting the tone...  What I'm really here to complain about, is all the fuckers out there who complain when they have a stuffy nose.  Or the people who think they get to take the day off because they might be getting sick.  I do not have any sympathy for anyone anymore.  It makes me feel like a bad person, but don't fucking complain to me about being sick, I don't feel sorry for you.  You will not receive any sympathy from me, and it pains me trying to force myself to give you my well wishes.  Suck it up and do the shit you have to do.  Men in particular frustrate me because in general, they seem to whine the most and demand the most babying.  

What inspired this rant, is my dad being mad a me, and blaming me for getting him sick.  My children and I live with my parents, so I'm stuck seeing him mope about while taking his sick day.  This morning he curled up on the couch and my mom fussed over him and got him his water and medicine and checked if he needed anything else before she left, and it really irked me.  Not once have I been offered anything for the last 2 weeks because I don't complain about it, and I get up and force myself to continue.  I realize how this makes me seem like a petulant child, but I don't care at this point.  I don't like being fussed over, but it would be nice if just once I didn't have to drop my kids at school, or pick them up, I could just stay in bed or take a nap.  Just one day.  Just half a day even.  It sounds so bitchy and selfish, but really, he has no idea what being miserable really is.  I'm sure there's plenty of people in the world that would say the same of me.  But in this moment, I need to release all this.

Thank you for allowing me this rant.  Clearly I have not dealt well with things, but I keep moving forward.  I am doing my best to be grateful for the good in my life, but I have lapses.  I know others have it far worse than I do, but I've had my hard knocks and want to complain sometimes too.

See you around.

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Perfectly normal and in my opinion, healthy to rant. I get pissed off with people giving me the "You'll find someone caring enough to see past herpes"! I call bull shit on that. Yes, there are some nice people out there but they are too and far between. Sadly, all we can do is push forward. For you, more so for your kids... They need their mum (I'm gathering you're American, so "mom"). Every now and then, life throws a sweetener at you. Grasp it when it comes and enjoy it while you can I say. :)

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Had to sign in just to Applaud You! Great place to get that Shit Out! I was just talking about the extra perk of anger and lethargy that comes with a nasty OB.

Reading what we write is definitely therapy as it gives voice to those things we can't change, like Real Life. We understand we have to accept so many things on so many levels, and yes things could be worse, but it does get boring accepting shit and saying thank you! 

Rave On!!!!!



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Hey This, I totally understand where you are coming from.  I hope you feel better letting it all out.  I don't have a sounding board either.  If I can ever help, feel free to message any time.

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That is one reason even before herpes, that i wasn't too thrilled about getting married.I don't want to be barefoot, pregnant. and babying my husband and kids. You sound so strong! But if it get's too much just give yourself a break, get the kids to be babysat, and just have a big day of rest, watch some daytime telly,read a good book, lots of baths, and oranges.In life you have to be "selfish", even one else is at one point.It's called looking after yourself, you have to look after yourself, so you can function and care for your children. Don't do what my mother did, she worked herself into a hospital, because she wasn't eating, and pregnant, and working long hours standing up. There's no good in burning yourself out, confide  in a friend or relative, so that if you do have an outbreak and just need a day or half day, that you can just call them to help you out, and i'm sure you could return the favor. It's much better to have one rest day, then ending up being forced to in hospital. 

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