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blistering love

By blistering love
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blistering love Established Member

blistering love

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I hope someone can help me out, and i appreciate any advice given :). I've accepted having this virus,and im working on me etc.Although, i know very well that i might not get married and have kids etc.

It doesn't bother me

.But i wish and i think ive always hoped that i'd fall in 'love'.

I know im youngish, and the guys who ive told have been older (24-30yrs) and they have been horrible about it.

I'm very naive and i think the best of people, i highlight there good characteristics and completely ignore their "flaws", and i trust too much, i have no idea if i'm being used or laughed at.

I'm trying to work on it but yeah.I'm pretty sure i have Asperger's which just makes life even more challenging!  

Here's my questions:

- Are there any ways to know if a guy is decent and isn't just looking at me as a conquest?

- Whats the best way to disclose ?

- I don't really know how to disclose or how to know if i should disclose and if theirs a way you can tell if a guy would not totally freak out and tell everyone in a 100 m radius.

- How  can i not see myself as a 'diseased whore'? I've been  called that and treated as such  and I never want to go through that again. 

-  And finally,how do you know if you're in love and if a guy is falling for you and not like depending on you or clinging to you as a life jacket?

Thank you for reading! 

Edited by blistering love
TYPOS
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Acesheart Platinum Support Member

Acesheart

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If the guy your interested in returns the interest in you. If his smell or touch or sight of him makes your heart beat and you long for his hello. If you think of him more than you think of yourself, these things may mean your falling in LOVE. My NOW husband waited 2years for me to be sexually ready, he didn't push , he didn't run, he wanted to take care of me. He planned his days off around mine. He fed my body and my soul. He saved me from my self destructive ways. He held me, cryed with me and stroked my hair while I slept. He prayed for me when I'd given up.

When someone truly, unconditionally loves you they would do anything just to be apart of your world.

In my experience the best way to disclose is upfront before any serious feelings begin. I did that and made him wait for me to be able to love again. I gave him 2 yrs to run or just simply fade away, he says he loved my honesty and he really did see love in me that needed to be cared for since my ex husband hurt me like no other man ever had, but I felt I let him hurt me. 

When you respect your body, heart and soul enough to say "I'm NOT ready for sex and I respect my body" that potential partner will too.

I don't have all the answers but I'd disclose upfront all over again if I had too! It's saved me alot of heartache and he could never say I led him on or accuse me of lieing by omissions. Hope this helps sweetheart. Hugs Aces xo 

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blistering love Established Member

blistering love

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Thank you you're ACE! That was beautiful, argh i did feel like about one guy, but he didn't share my feelings! I'll defiantly keep this in my head, next time i go out on a date-if! I must get rid of my self destructive ways before i venture out into the dating pool!

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Honda450r Honeycomb Member

Honda450r

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Maybe I have been lucky looking for love as herpes helped me find the man who loves me unconditionally.  

Disclosure isn't fun at all.  I told him I had herpes after 3mos of talking and dating off and on no sex involved.  I explained I take a daily antiviral mainly to protect my partner from the virus and as long as I  listen to my body take my medicine we could have sex for 50 yrs and I'd never give it to him. It's my job to keep him safe.  I dated previously with Herpes and have not past the virus on.  All previous  relationships ended because of me being scared to love with Herpes not because of my partners. 

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SureWhyNot Acknowledged Support Member

SureWhyNot

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Aces and Honda you are inspirational, thank you for sharing. I treat the situation the same as you did. It is very nice to take time to truly meet a person and get to know them other than sexually. The "talk" does not get easier but your partner has had a chance to meet the real you. Your knowledge is your strength. Love does conquer all, cliche or not!! Love yourself, everything else will follow!

 

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Mellisuga Established Member

Mellisuga

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Wow Ace - thank you for sharing, that gives me hope :)

Thank you Honda for your story, and thank you Blistering for starting this thread. I've been feeling hurt and stuck and want more than anything to hear some advice or good stories on dating. My first (and only) ex left me feeling emotionally abused and manipulated...but its been over two years now and I feel upset that I haven't gotten back to a normal place yet.

 

So...more advice welcome! How do you know who's worth dating?

How to you get someone to wait for you (sexually) when you have an STD? (For me, it almost feels like I'd be made to feel guilty again, since its obvious I've been that far with someone before)

How do you know when you are ready with someone?

How do you keep your chin up and keep loving who you are, if people put you down for herpes or your sexuality?

My biggest question (for me): How do you date with an STD, when you've never really dated before in the first place?

Edited by Mellisuga
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SureWhyNot Acknowledged Support Member

SureWhyNot

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The hardest part is letting other peoples opinions bounce off you. Keep in mind the old saying about opinions and everyone having one. Your opinion of You is the most important. You are a Human Being, we are fragile and fowlable. If you love yourself others will see that and want to love you too. The person who cares about you will wait as long as it takes to make you happy. 

We can be too quick to jump to conclusions about others when we are desperate and looking for someone else to validate or complete us so we may date inappropriately. If we date consciously instead of sexually we get a better chance to meet the real person. Find your personal strength and your best friend will follow. Your knowledge of HSV and how it affects you, the confidence of knowing how to deal with this virus and how to protect your partner will remove the barriers of fear that come with it. You are still the same wonderful person, you must believe in yourself.

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blistering love Established Member

blistering love

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Thank you so much, i honestly believe everything you all have posted. SureWhyNot, thank you, i know im more than my genitals and im going to find other meaning in life and im sure when the time is right, i'll find someone. And if not, then at least i'll always have myself.

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Mellisuga Established Member

Mellisuga

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On 2016-03-07 at 8:52 AM, SureWhyNot said:

The hardest part is letting other peoples opinions bounce off you. Keep in mind the old saying about opinions and everyone having one. Your opinion of You is the most important. You are a Human Being, we are fragile and fowlable. If you love yourself others will see that and want to love you too. The person who cares about you will wait as long as it takes to make you happy. 

Thank you for that message. It's what I keep trying to remind myself - and it really helps to have other people say it!! Somedays it feels like that individual doesn't exist, given the hookup culture we live in.

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blistering love Established Member

blistering love

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On 3/7/2016 at 4:18 PM, Mellisuga said:

Wow Ace - thank you for sharing, that gives me hope :)

Thank you Honda for your story, and thank you Blistering for starting this thread. I've been feeling hurt and stuck and want more than anything to hear some advice or good stories on dating. My first (and only) ex left me feeling emotionally abused and manipulated...but its been over two years now and I feel upset that I haven't gotten back to a normal place yet.

 

So...more advice welcome! How do you know who's worth dating?

How to you get someone to wait for you (sexually) when you have an STD? (For me, it almost feels like I'd be made to feel guilty again, since its obvious I've been that far with someone before)

How do you know when you are ready with someone?

How do you keep your chin up and keep loving who you are, if people put you down for herpes or your sexuality?

My biggest question (for me): How do you date with an STD, when you've never really dated before in the first place?

heyyya,

I bought terri warrens book- ill deeply analyse it, and see if i can find anything in it that is helpful that isnt already up on the web!

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Mellisuga Established Member

Mellisuga

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I think the answer to my question is to remember that there are many fish in the sea - and its better to find someone who will not put you down for your values, the virus, and your lifestyle! A couple ways to build support for this mindset would be 1) Remind yourself that you are worthy of a good relationship and 2) Find the people who support you and ask for their support and love when someone brings you down. Don't hurt yourself trying to please another human being who ultimately, won't be happy with who you are (if you need to change for a person, then the relationship is kind of doomed from the start).

 

Plus, lets be honest. It's better to be single and loving your life, then to be in a bad relationship with someone who brings you down.

Edited by Mellisuga
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