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Disclosing?


TheGiftThatKeepsOnGiving19

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You are the one who has to live with yourself. Only your opinion of you matters. Opinions don't hurt as much as HSV.

With HSV comes great responsibility! How would you want to be treated? Will you feel good about inflicting another with this without giving them the knowledge you have to make their own life choice? 

We are older a lot longer than we are young and with age comes retrospection! What will your portrait look like Dorian?

 

 

Edited by SureWhyNot
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There's a lot of threads dicussing this already but if you have ghsv1 and rarely break out then the transmission rate is low. Those figures aren't well documented like hsv-2, but the figures are logically much lower since the recurrence and shedding rate is much lower.

You look at the population % already with HSV-1 and that logically makes the transmission occurence even lower.

Then if the unlucky event of transmission occured, a high percentage of the population wouldn't notice

Then, of those that do get symptoms, it's most likely to be a non-event after the initial breakout (bar the stupid stigma)

(I actually did the maths on this myself and came out with a stupidly low risk of causing any form of harm, less likely than running someone over in a car for example, but I'm not going to post it myself because I believe it's up to an individual to interpret the factual data)

Now weigh all that against the stigma, that people have to go around "disclosing" (I would term that "educating"), because they want to use scary words like INCURABLE, STD, and INFLICT, and it starts to sound somewhat morally wrong to take the percentage of the population that have ghsv1 and tell them that they have to go around talking about something which in factual terms is extremely unlikely to affect anyone in a meaningful way. Much less so than nearly all the other human conditions that are prevalent in the population. In fact this just sounds like inflicting unnecessary misery on others which I don't see as a panacea of morality.

So really, it's up to you. It's a total grey area as far as I can see. Of course it's good to be honest with a partner, but if you're disclosing because you think it's "moral" then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons (i.e., other peoples ignorance about this).

Note that the forum is going to be skewed because most people with ghsv1 either have no symptoms or they get a few spots for a couple of weeks, their dr tells them it's not a big deal, and then they get on with their lives.

Edited by dvd
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I was given GHSV1 and it hurts really bad and physically and emotionally. Please tell people that you have this. Let them make the decision. It's crazy that my fellow human beings would even think to not tell someone that you have an STD that's incurable. So if someone asks you if you have ever had an STD, what will you say? NO???!!! That's so wrong! I plan to disclose to all future partners. Hopefully it's only one more. 

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Don't do the math for other people. Let them make the choice. Some people suffer more from GHSV1 than others. You cannot just say after the even, "Oh, sorry, I did the statistics and you should have been fine".

 

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I have held back but every time I see this question being asked I want to scream what I know. I cannot continue to read posts from people who believe this is not worth mentioning to someone you are going to share your body with!! Not trying to scare just WAKE UP those thinking only of themselves and believing this is just a skin infection!

I do not have the medical papers to show you but I could include a picture of a 59 yr old friend with a feeding and breathing tube who had an inoperable throat tumor that was pathologically traced back to HSV!!!!!!!

Yes this is very rare but I am sure he would rather have won the lottery than have his harmless skin infection attack his body this way. You have NO WAY of knowing how this is going to affect change in your later years. No amount of math or wishing can offer that.

I am 60 now and my harmless skin infection has morphed into a full blown attack where I cannot eat most food without it becoming a sacral outbreak. I admit I fell off my health wagon for 4 yrs due to a life altering event I could have dealt better with so I guess I brought this on myself. I am talking real food like vegetables and fruit, never mind dairy and wheat. I can only eat about 5 different foods and that gets boring fast. I am working with an exceptional Naturopath and this is a very difficult symptom to treat because it is systemic. He does have another patient like me so this is not particular to me.

This is why I have constantly said to go after this virus with everything you know how to do. I thought regular outbreaks were painful but sacral outbreaks have kicked it up a special notch! Good News though, My friend did overcome the tumour with soft chemo and the ability to eat 6 lemons a day through his feeding tube. Not going into his story of healing as that was his personal journey he was forced to take.

I see I am not the norm here on this site as I fight Holistically and most seem to want to take a pill and make it go away. For those this works for, Bravo for you, but never assume this virus will be the same for the unlucky person you make their life choice for! 

I know this is going to scare some readers but turning a blind eye to this virus is dangerous! I will be stepping back from this forum and stop inserting my 2 cents about Holistic care because it is not as easily accepted as going to the doctor for a script. I admit when I read posts about how some will continue to put others at risk it upsets me too much because of what I know about this virus through life experience, not internet!!!!  

You now know what I know to be fact about this virus. Make your own choices not choices for others!

 

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To the people commenting about suffering, why are you bothering to even suggest disclosing then? why not request that anyone with ghsv1 just remove themselves from the dating scene and never have intimate relations with anyone again?

That's what it comes down to really. After all, given the choice it's very clear none of you would have made it, so why would you expect anyone else to?

It seems that you've done the maths for everyone else, i.e., the vast majority that have no problems with this - and this is all based on the occurence of outliers. It's not in any way proportional to the facts, and it's purely hysteria based.

Moreover, since HSV-1 is more likely to be transmitted orally, why aren't you suggesting the entire population of the planet understands their status and that everyone with HSV-1 is classified as unable to have intimate relations with people without it - that should marginalise a lot more people. Or is is just for those who have it genitally?

The fact is this virus has been kicking around for a long time and the MAJORITY of people have it. If it was such a massive problem then people would have been informed to disclose orally a long time ago before they even kissed someone, and people kiss each other much more than they screw. The script can't be rewritten just because it appears in a different place where it's less likely to transmit.

 

Edited by dvd
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dvd that is an extreme notion and an erroneous interpretation. There is no need to remove ourselves from dating and real life. Life offers many events we would not have chosen to go through but we learn and grow from them. HSV is such an event.

I can only speak for myself but if you look at my other posts I encourage people to get on with their lives as normal. I only suggest learning everything you can around this virus which will empower you to protect yourself and the person you are sharing yourself with And allowing them to make their own choices with the knowledge you have given them.

 

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I am already making a choice for them by "disclosing", I am making a choice that it's something they need to know. My own knowledge suggests that this isn't the case.

Let me pose something then, since this is all based on the fact that it is classifed as an STD, and since ohsv1 is not classifed an STD, technically if they were to perform oral on me, I can't give them an STD.

So if I tell them they can't catch an STD from me via oral sex, that's factually correct knoweldge that I've given them, despite the fact that ohsv1 is significanly more transmissable. See how ridiculous that is in terms of "knowledge"?

 

 

Edited by dvd
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Semantics!

I mean offering knowledge regarding how to deal with the virus and their odds of transmission not just the disclosure and leave them in fear or ignorance.

Edited by SureWhyNot
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I think it's a personal choice. It's low risk and most people have it or will be exposed to it regardless. If YOU really don't have any moral hang ups about not disclosing, I don't think that's a terrible thing. As you know, the risk is lower than oral HSV1 and people don't disclose having that and (theoretically) we are all just continuing the cycle of STI stigma by saying you MUST disclose. (On the other hand, not disclosing out of fear is also continuing the cycle of STI stigma.)

That said, I've disclosed and not disclosed. (I have gHSV1.) I did not enjoy the sex when I didn't disclose because I was worried during sex about passing it/lying about it and then I felt guilty later. (I didn't pass it.) Since then, I've always disclosed and the sex is way better and I don't feel guilty later. It's win-win. If you feel like you should, and you probably do or you wouldn't be asking, disclose. It will be better for everyone involved. 

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I can only make my own choices. Not sure who is telling people this is not important enough to talk about. Since I have something that affects my life I would inform the person I am sharing myself with. My Knowledge and understanding of HSV gives me the strength to face them openly and honestly. No regret, life is too short for that.

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But the point is my knowledge means that I know they have less chance of catching it off me than the majority of people, therefore, what useful information am I giving them anyway

Edited by dvd
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I'm 38, hardly young

I just believe if what I have is a terrible thing to give to someone, I shouldn't be having an inimitate relationship.

I can understand other people doing it to be transparent but not for me UNLESS, we are having a frank chat about STD's anyway. That's person dependent and is much more likely to have knowledge on it anyway.

The problem is not the disclosure it's the amount of misinformation out there, I don't believe it's on my shoulders to compensate.

I'm not going to tell a 4 year old santa doesn't exist either, as much as I'd like to.

It's really that simple for me.

 

 

Edited by dvd
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Apologies for jumping to conclusions on ages. I was bringing other comments forward in my mind without regard to this conversation and made an assumption I never should.

I am surprised at the lack of knowledge around this as I assumed others know what I know. I have no knowledge regarding the medical statistics other than what I have read here so obviously my knowledge is incomplete.

I have had long term relationships and never passed to them. I only needed to know about my body symptoms not the stats and how it affects others. They trusted me because of what I knew about how to treat myself and keep them safe. That is the only knowledge I needed to impart with them not the book of H.

And What do you mean about Santa??? I make cookies!

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Possibly different in Canada, but in the UK they don't even test for HSV. Also I think most people just don't really know about it, apart from if they hear the word "herpes" they think, oh that's really  bad.

Most don't people think or even worry about STD's bar using a condom, and coldsores are certainly not anything to worry about.

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In Canada we get a full range of tests at free anonymous std clinics so each one of us has the option to test. I certainly would not know what I do about HSV if I had not contracted it so long ago. 2 of my long term relationships had cold sores and never thought to tell me. I only found out much later because I was afraid I passed it to them but they admitted they had them since childhood and thought nothing of it as it had little affect on them. I learned it is up to me to ask the question and make sure their answer is not dismissive of its importance to me. Then I have my own choice to make. In fact, I would have chosen the relationships with them either way as I was trusting the person not the virus. Turns out only one of those aspects was predictable.

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