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Why don't I have it?


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My wife of three years, had a cold sore on her mouth 6 months ago. When I saw it, I immediately told her that I always heard cold sores were herpes. She was pissed at me and said that can't be true. The cold sore got bigger or bumpier so she went to the doctor. She took one look at her and said you have Herpes 1. My wife was floored. The doctor gave her Acyclovin (?) but refused to test her, because the doctor said there is no point... if you have a cold sore.. you have hsv1 and your test will come back positive. Later that day we went home, and I asked her if she ever had a cold sore before... she said two other times.... and as far back as 1998. She said at the time her doctor gave her valtrex and said she didn't have herpes just that he was treating the cold sore... no herpes test given.

I had myself tested two weeks ago and my results came back negative for HSV1 and HSV2 (they did the test by blood extraction). Here's the kicker... my wife came back positive for HSV1 and HSV2.

My question is... how is it possible for someone to have been infected for over 10 years, but has not infected anyone? I've been with her for 4 years. Her boyfriend at the time of her last out break (2001) recently got tested.. he's negative as well. Her boyfriend of 5 years around 1998 actually was tested before her, and he is negative. She can not recall anyone she has seen with a cold sore and never seen any signs of GH on her or anyone else.

For the last 3 years we have never worn a condom, and out of ignorance have had sex during her OB (HSV1).... even oral. But now that it is confirmed that she has 1 and 2... for some reason this worries me more.

The forum states how contagious it is, yet her kids don't have it, I don't have it, her last 3 boyfriends don't have it.... This can't be some fluke.. what am I missing?

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How helpful... why did you even bother answering?

I hope I am free to ask a question. If it is so contagious, why in my case do I not have it or any of her previous partners? If I have not caught it in 3 plus years, then does this mean I am likely not to catch it?

Only answer if you can add to this thread.

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I'll answer if I feel like it.I have read posts where people have been in a relationship with someone for 10+ years and they have never passed it on. I guess it is luck of the draw.My man doesnt have it and we have unprotected sex all the time.I guess it varies by the individual.

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Thank you Angel and Kurious.

She's really depressed... locked her self in her room for 4 hours yesterday.

Yes, only 3 outbreaks in 10 years.

I never thought about HSV1 and HSV2 above the waste.. interesting. I know location can only be picked up from swabs during outbreak. I'll pass that on to her.

I won't pass on the part about the cure in my genes.. ;)

Kurious that is good to know.

And is it me or does the Valtrex commercial come on more frequently once you start researching H?

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I should also add that my doctor told me it was a waste of time to take the test. He said if she has it, then you have it. Floored me, and this was before I even took the blood work. I kept saying how can you know for sure, he said impossible not to catch it. I begged him for the blood test anyway (strange having to beg for a blood test.. i have insurance!), and the results came back negative. I asked him to explain it and he said "..eventually it will be positive."

I may switch doctors.

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I think it's important to have a doctor who can say things in a way that make sense. Just saying something like "eventually it will be positive" with no explaination is either ignorant, smug, or both.

It may be a good idea to find a new doc.

Good Luck!

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No no no... she would never cheat. Well to be honest, at first I was questioning whether she was lying about not knowing. Like, we learned cold sores were herpes in 7th grade... and well... you're reminded about it all through high school. So i was in disbelief when she said she had never heard that. I love her.. so I accepted what she says.

I found this site a few weeks ago and read as much as I could and decided i would ask what I didn't know.

I try to inform myself as much as possible, it's not easy to give this kind of information to your partner when the person infected doesn't even have that much knowledge about it.

I have no intentions of leaving my wife, but I'm also trying to continue to avoid being infected.

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She can still be randomly contagious without an OB. I contracted HSV1 genitally from oral sex with my long term partner who hasn't had an OB in 25 years. Like someone else said...luck of the draw. I got the short straw :cry:

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It is luck of the draw.

And I just want to second ducky's comment that you can pass on HSV even when there is no outbreak. I have HSV2 shared from someone who had signs of an outbreak whatsoever. My partner was with a woman prior to me for 7 years, and he never shared H with her, and they took no precautions as he didn't even know he had HSV2. After only just a few times of sex with him, bam, here I am! Darn short straws.

Just because you haven't gotten it yet, doesn't mean that you will never get it. It's hard to make any real meaning out of it because there are so many explanations.

Here are some possibilities:

If you and your wife have unprotected sex and only avoid sex during an outbreak, each year you have about a 4% chance of contracting herpes from her. These statistics apply for genital herpes. When the doctor told you eventually it will be positive, well, that's not a very helpful reply, but it is true in most cases. Still, it's not a 100% sure thing that you will catch it. After one year, based on the 4% statistic you might have a 96% chance of being free and clear, but after 10 years, your chances of being free of herpes drop to close to 30%.

Although it is possible for your wife to have both HSV1 and HSV2 orally, the most likely explanation is that she has HSV2 genitally and just has not had obvious symptoms. Next time she has a cold sore outbreak, she could go and get it swabbed and cultured (it needs to be swabbed right away, within the first 2 days). If it comes back as HSV1 then it would add support to the theory that her HSV2 is genital.

It is also possible for you to be less susceptible to HSV infection. HSV attaches to certain cell surface chemicals your body makes and then infects a cell. Maybe your body makes surface chemicals that are less friendly to Herpes. Who knows. No on really has done a lot of conclusive research in this area, but given what is known about HSV and other viruses it is a reasonable theory.

As for how she got H, who knows. Oral HSV1 is often caught during childhood. As for the HSV2, it is possible for one of her prior boyfriends to get a false negative result. It is not the most likely explanation because although false negatives happen, most of the time the tests are accurate. If she has had a partner before the 2 that were tested, that's probably where it came from. If there were no other partners ever, then someone's test can't be right.

Hope that helps...

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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