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The guy I'm into is a virgin


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I didn't find out until over 8 months of talking and becoming friends. I don't personally feel comfortable having a virgin deal with herpes their first time so, I'm slowly trying to get over him.  This sucks.

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Have you had the type confirmed through blood testing?

Remember though that up to 50% of African American females carry HSV-2 so the reality is that his first partner will have HSV-2 in any event and not know it and almost certainly will not disclose it. 

Disclose and let him make up his mind, not just you. You owe him that??

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No, I haven't had my type confirmed. Also, I'm not totally positive if he's ever really dated black women before.  Also, I am 100% not comfortable with dating a virgin because of my herpes. It's just how I feel, I just needed to vent.

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Coming from the other side, I totally get you cyan (I caught herpes from the only guy I was ever with). So, thank you for thinking of him.

On the flip side, I will say this:

There is a big difference between catching herpes from someone who will support you, vs someone who abandons you almost immediately. If my ex was a good guy, I would forgive him for this.

All the same, its far from easy. We're no different from anyone else with herpes, but trying to date when you've never really dated in the first place, and having an STD to boot kicks your self esteem. It takes a lot of work depending on how comfortable the person was in their own skin in the first place. Some of those former virgins might get over it quick, some may have a harder time. Everyone is different. Ultimately, they'd have to deal with herpes sometime anyway - better someone who's honest from the start.

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  • 2 weeks later...

To expand on Wilso's train of thought... if you don't know your type, you may have Type I or Type II. Your person of interest may be a virgin but may also already be infected with Type I (most likely) or even Type II. You have no way of knowing that he will have to deal with herpes for the first time. He may already have dealt with it. As a personal example, I was infected long before I was even sexually mature.


In the end, it's your personal choice but ultimately what you're doing is shutting down an opportunity to be with a (potentially?) great person without even knowing if your concerns are real or not.

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