GHSV1 - trying to make sense of if all

[jla73]

I am a 28 year old single female who is moving to a new city in a month. I just found out two days ago that I tested positive for ghsv1 and I am trying to make sense of it all. Talk about caring a dark cloud with me on my new adventure. I am overwhelmed with tons emotions, understanding the research, the confusion of how it happened, how to not feel ashamed or unclean, how will this influence any future relationship, how will I feel comfortable being intimate again, everything really. 

I have spent every waking minute researching and I am confused by some of the information. I have ghsv1 and I understand that the natural environment for hsv1 is in the oral region. I know that ghsv1 is generally contracted through oral-genital intercourse. I curious, does this mean that the virus will migrate to the oral region or is the virus localized to the genital area? Does this fact in turn reduce my chances of future OB and/or asymptomatic shedding? I understand that over time the virus becomes less active (assuming I maintain a strong immune system and reduce my stress). Does this mean I am most contagious during this first year? My doctor did not recommend taking the daily valtrex but rather just gave me a prescription to fill as needed for OB? What are people's thoughts on daily use vs occasional usage, especially in the first few years? 

As for the personal life, how do you tell a future partner? How to feel comfortable enough to have intercourse, especially oral? How to not constantly fear giving it to them? How to still feel desirable? I know that the virus is always in my system, but how contagious am I really when there is no OB? Do I have to obstane from oral sex all together or just at signs of an OB? Since I have ghsv1 does this mean I can transmit via my saliva too? 

Any and all information is helpful. 

[sweenytodd]

hey! im a 25 yo male belgian guy with hsv2. i have hsv for 2 yours probably but im diagnosed 1 year ago when i broke up with my girlfriend. i just did a STD test for curiousity, i never had an outbreak nor any symptom. i dont know much about ghsv1, but for technical questions i would recommend talking to a gyneacologist because the internet tells you 100 different stories. hsv2 is not curable and will always very contagious. if i'm not mistaken: when you have an outbreak: any contact with the infected zone likely passes it trough, if not: body fluids, sex, ...the regular transmitters. emotionally i'd say i will never be ready, for 1 night stands ill just have safe sex, and otherwise i would date at least 3 times, and if im really sure i want the girl i will wait for a good moment (most likely the moment im with my back against the wall xD) . you can tell em you have a minor std and suggest your date to go to the doctor along with you? he will have the right answers to hist questions.

 

if this helps: i knew my GF had hsv before we had sex and still loved her

[november13]

Hi, I'm also 28/f and have gHSV1. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me! 

It WILL get better. Give it time. Do your research but also try to stay away from reading negative websites. I read and read and read when I was first diagnosed, looking for something to make me feel better, and it typically made me feel worse. I recommend reading stuff by Ella Dawson (google her & herpes) and the Secrets to Our Success board on here. And I recommend distracting yourself with friends and your move. After a little while, you'll start to feel more like yourself.

To answer your questions:

No, the virus will stay genital. It won't move between places. 

Yes, typically people with gHSV1 have fewer outbreaks than those with gHSV2 or oHSV1 because it's not in its place of preference. For the same reason, it's said that we shed less. I've only had one outbreak in November 2014. I've had some symptoms but I don't know if they were related, and it really hasn't been a big deal physically. Of course, everyone is different and only time will tell for you. Take vitamins (especially l-lysine) and try to keep your health up, and that should help.

Yes, they say the 1st 6 months-1 year is the most contagious and you're more likely to get another outbreak during that time. 

I don't take daily meds. I only take something if I feel weird down there, just in case. I don't think there's any reason to take daily meds if you aren't having frequent outbreaks, unless you have a partner that wants you to. (My partner doesn't care at all so I don't.) Also, if you're not dating anyone right now, I think it's better to not take daily meds so you can see how often you get outbreaks, what triggers them, how it feels when you're first getting an outbreak. This will help you in the future when you have a partner and want to hold off on sex because you feel an ob coming.

You can't transmit the virus via your mouth because you have it genitally. So if you're giving oral, you can't pass it. If you're receiving oral, you could pass it to their mouth. You can't catch it again, so I wouldn't worry for yourself about receiving oral. 

How I tell a partner is I wait and watch how they talk about people. I try to see how kind they are, how compassionate. And I tell them in a setting where we are having a conversation about ourselves, opening up about personal things. I don't wait until just before sex. That way, there's no pressure on them and I don't feel rejected. They can process it however they want. Btw, I've disclosed 6 times and not ever been rejected. You will be surprised how little people care about it, especially if you are confident about it.

It takes some time to feel comfortable having sex again and feeling sexy. Don't rush yourself. I think I started to feel better once I actually had sex again and didn't pass it. Be patient and kind to yourself. You WILL feel better again, if you want to. It's a growing experience. Masturbate. Pamper yourself. Watch some female porn (xconfessions is cool!) or read literotica or write some! You can still be very sexual. You just have to figure out what's going to do it for you. 

I don't know how contagious you are, but in my experience I haven't passed it yet. My boyfriend and I no longer use condoms and I'm not on suppressive meds, and nothing has happened. He REALLY doesn't care about catching it from me. And I don't worry about passing it on to him because I no longer feel like it's this super terrible thing, since it's barely affected me, and because I trust his decision to do with his body what he wants. And I'm worth the risk. 

It's going to be okay. In time, you will feel better. You might even find that you enjoy the good things that come from getting herpes. I am a much stronger person because of it and I choose WAY better partners now. If I didn't get herpes, I might not be as happy as I am today. Best of luck! Message me if you want. 

 

Edited February 20, 2016 by november13

[SuzQ]

One of the most beneficial posts I've read.  Thank you!

[Lisajd]

@november13 good response