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Asymptomatic, found out by accident


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I have been diagnosed with herpes 4 days ago. I have never been so devistated and confused in my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and i never once had any symptoms of anything. One time during sex he said he noticed a spot that looked a little red and i figured it was just friction burn because we had been having more sex than usual and didnt use lube. I desided to get it checked anyway to settle our minds, a week after getting checked they told me i was herpes positive...at this point i was driving and i pulled over and just lost it. If i wouldnt have had my dog with me i thought i would have killed myself. Later when my boyfriend and I talked about it we figured it must have been from a relationship he had 9 years ago with a girl he found out had it too but he said he tested negetive. I told him it takes weeks for it to show up and most of the time you dont see any symptoms. He's still in denial and doesnt want to comfirm he has it and gave it to me but at this point theres not much we can change. I am still having a hard time accepting that i have herpes since i have never had any symptoms. Im hoping it will get easier over time, because right now all i want to do is cry and not be around any of my friends or family. I feel disgusting, and unattractive. I cant look at myself the same anymore, its always on my mind. 

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Hello Helix. Everything about life is in the way we look at things. I do understand your extreme emotions but since you are asymptomatic nothing has really changed in your life other than you have information about your body you did not know. I am not diminishing this diagnosis in any way. I have had HSV2 for almost 35yrs yet I have lived a normal life, well my kinda normal! My infection has been a nasty one at times yet I managed my life. In fact I have learned more about caring for my health than I may have done without this dis-ease. It is really only as big as we let it be for us. Humans don't remember pain! I was able to overcome Hep C, contacted after surgery, because I knew what resources and professionals to look for based on my own education from HSV. So it probably saved my life. 

You are exactly the same beautiful person you were before "the phone call". This is an opportunity to educate yourselves about how this virus works on each of you and really only that as others have their own symptoms, different from yours. You are fortunate to have someone to talk with about this instead of having to talk to them. You do not have to tell your friends and family if you do not want to. There is no big H tattooed on your forehead. Not that there is anything wrong with that for someone who has made that their fashion choice. You may have no idea what your family and friends are dealing with and you don't judge them as hard as you do yourself.

Allow time for shock and awe but put it in its proper place and not let it consume you. Since you do not have the pain and lesions others get you will learn what to watch for and work around it. If you are concerned it will interfere with your normal sex life it will actually give you an opportunity to discover new and exciting ways to express your feelings without concern.

Nobody said our lives would be easy, this is just another life test to pass. Go for bonus points!!!!

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But you did have symptoms.........and that's the problem with this virus. I don't believe the statistics about people being asymptomatic. I think we all have symptoms, it's just that we ignore them or we pass them off as something else.

Anyway, what's done is done. Just take your time adjusting, but don't live in denial because that will only affect your life even more. Reach acceptance and move forward from there

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On 3/1/2016 at 1:53 PM, Helix1994 said:

I am still having a hard time accepting that i have herpes since i have never had any symptoms. Im hoping it will get easier over time, because right now all i want to do is cry and not be around any of my friends or family. I feel disgusting, and unattractive. I cant look at myself the same anymore, its always on my mind. 

Like Free said above, you did have symptoms. They just weren't what you expected because hsv is blown out of proportion in health class, on TV, etc. I've had one outbreak (2-3 little bumps) and the first doctor I saw just said I had ingrown hairs (and BV--which I did also have). Most people that have hsv don't know they have it because they are asymptomatic or they have such minor symptoms that they think it's something else. 

Did your doctor say if it was HSV1 or HSV2? If not, it might be worthwhile to find out.

As for feeling gross, give it some time. After a while, you will forget about it and get back to being yourself. You are still the SAME person you were before this. You are still beautiful. You are not gross. This is just a harmless virus and has nothing to do with who you are. I love to read stuff by Ella Dawson (google her +herpes) because her confidence is contagious. You will be okay.

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      Hi @Anxious 1234 Did you get diagnosis for this?
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      Hi @WhatDidIDo2023, hopefully all is well with you and your significant other and are still together.   Did she develop any other symptoms after you mentioned her getting itchiness? Was it determined what you had was contagious? Most likely developed a fungal disease and caused her a yeast or uti 
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      Well thank you I appreciate it 
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      Hi @Luna 01 I really feel it is worthwhile obtaining a proper Herpeselect test given the outcomes of the home panel test. Regardless, your current symptoms are almost certainly not related to herpes. Hopefully, your doctor can assist in resolving these.
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