Do you typically get positive responses?

[Carolinagirl1419]

I'm TERRIFIED to disclose to someone that I have H. I have a panic attack and massive anxiety just thinking about it. And it turns me off to dating or giving anyone a chance.

I was wondering if everyone on here usually had a positive experience after disclosing, or negative.

I recently met a guy. We have only been out twice but he's the only guys I've been interested in seeing again in a long time. He even told me at the end of our first date that he really wanted to see me again. He seems super cool and down to earth. BUT, even though most would say I'm a great catch, I can't help but think that this ONE thing about me would turn ANYONE off.

[Dan10160]

Don't be scared! It's obviously super nerve-wracking the first time, and like I was super nervous about it to I was sweating. You're revealing what is probably your deepest secret! 

From my admittedly limited experience with disclosing, you just have to read the person. Like, does he seem like the kind of person who will freak out if he hears this, or is he an understanding and kind human? If it's the latter, then I say go for it! 

I've only disclosed once so far since I found out I had it in July but it went amazingly and we're still seeing each other months later! There's no secret formula to figuring out when it's time to disclose, but It seemed that the key for me was that we had known each other for a few months at that point and knew we really liked each other. Then I told him why I had been holding off on doing anything sexual. 

Like, this is just a freaking skin thing. Obviously there are a lot of assholes out there - but there are just as many (if not more) people who won't care! And if they do, screw them they aren't worth your time anyway! 

If it's meant to happen with this guy, it will. And even if it doesn't he'll respect you more for being honest with him and respecting his right to decide, and you should feel good that you disclosed! 

[Dan10160]

oh and sorry for the profanity lol

[Carolinagirl1419]

10 hours ago, Dan10160 said:

oh and sorry for the profanity lol

No worries!

I absolutely would never tell anyone until I got to know them and felt like they truly care about me as a person.

What scares me is that I read a lot of stuff online and what people say gets me down. I know most people don't know what herpes is and the stigma that comes with it is probably what scares potential dates away.

I specifically searched "Would you date someone who has H?" and almost all the responses were "absolutely not" or "why would I risk my health?" or something about how nasty and disgusting H is, as well as the person.

I read this and I'm like "am I missing something here?!". I know everyone's experience is different, but from what I've read, most people's outbreaks are extremely mild and sometimes not even on your genitals.

For myself - I had no idea that I had H. I literally kept getting what I thought were a few pimples in the crease where my butt meets my leg and asked my doctor about it when I went it for a routine visit. She took a swab, but even told me that she didn't think it was anything bad. Maybe just related to me working out a lot and sweating.

And that's what my outbreaks have been. Just a few "pimples" in the crease of my leg, maybe one or two on my butt cheek. Its almost hard to believe that I even have it.

So I find it really unfair to read what people say about how gross it is. Mine isn't gross. And its very rare that it occurs. But the fact that I read that so many people are anti-H, it really doesn't make me feel good about disclosing it to anyone.

[Dan10160]

I totally have the same thing! Mine are super mild and in that crease. 

Have you disclosed to anyone yet? I found it really helpful to tell a few of my close friends before I told any guys. And before I told any friends I told my family (weirdly enough). My parents are in the medical field so it wasn't that weird - and I was home for the summer so like I kind of couldn't avoid telling my brother why I was so upset. It's such a load off though to tell people I would highly recommend it lol

 

There are plenty of people who don't care about herpes and those people probably also aren't going to post in forums with questions about herpes. I did SO MANY of those searches before I told my guy and honestly they literally do nothing for your nerves I would just ignore them lol. 

The H-Opportunity website has a lot of great resources for disclosing slash they also have a lot of pep-talky kind of stuff on there too.