ready to date but scared of rejection

[scared to date]

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend who I was dating for a year. He was honest with me and told me that he had Herpes before we became intimate. He also told me that I couldn't get it if he wasn't having an outbreak. I trusted him and we didn't use any protection and ended up getting it. I also thought I would be with him for the long haul because he seemed like such a nice guy and we had a good relationship, so I wasn't too worried when I found out. He later told me that he didn't want to get married or have kids which I thought he did. I now resent him for not helping to prevent me from getting herpes but I also had a part in it too. Now I'm so afraid to get out there and date again. I almost am willing to accept the fact that he doesn't want kids and marriage and stay with him because of this reason. I know that this isn't a valid reason to stay with someone but I'm so scared of getting rejected again. What should I do?

[Faith]

Hi,

Sometimes you get misunderstandings when you are with someone. Some people actually play games, making it seeming like a misunderstanding. Well.. I don't know what was in his mind. And.. keep in mind, some people actually believe (assume?) that if they don't have visible symptom, it's 100% safe. Some believe condoms can protect 100%. It's just a lack of knowledge... but he might've been one of them. Then ... it was not his intention to hide the truth.

But you've been with him for a year. I guess... you have a pretty much good idea about how he is... don't you?

It's time for you to face yourself and ask if you can still believe in his good heart. When you do this, forget the fear you may have to face later. You just have to focus on his personality and your needs.

Then if you still want to be with him, be with him. If you don't want to be with him anymore, you can move on.

It may be hard for you to see your situation objectively right now, but you still have a tons of possibility of meeting someone wonderful, and getting married and having kids. If you stay with him, just because you fear the unknown future, you're gonna miss out a lot!

When you let go of the resentment toward him and the situation, your life will flow again. Trust me.

Herpes won't get in your way especially when you are looking for serious relationship. So don't fear. Let your feeling go to where it wants to go. <smile>

Best wishes..

Faith

[MC37 Pilot]

I almost am willing to accept the fact that he doesn't want kids and marriage and stay with him because of this reason. I know that this isn't a valid reason to stay with someone but I'm so scared of getting rejected again. What should I do?

Don't ever sell yourself short.

This is an easy question for me to give my opinion on...

What should you do... JUST DATE... The vast majority of people will accept you. If you just give people a chance, you can have what you want. You can find what you want.

The first relationship after getting HSV is the hardest... But I guarentee in a year, or two, or three you'll look back and realize that (oh my god, I'm going to use a cliche) The only thing you had to fear was the fear itself...

Having HSV takes SO much thought, so much soul-searching to get in perspective... It takes you on a mental vision-quest, and when you come to accept it... to have it all in perspective... You will emotionally be 5 times the person you are today.

It sounds dumb, but everything about you makes you who you are... And I'm 'almost' proud of having HSV. It made me who I am.

It gave me the opportunity to find so much more integrity and character within myself then I would have EVER found had I not got 'it'.

If I could go back in time, I would not change having got it. Having said that, I still hope they find a cure... Cause what I've become, and what I've learned about myself and how I've evolved emotionally... If they find a cure tomorrow, I'll still have the integrity I've gained from living with HSV for the rest of my life.

So GO DATE!!!!! And keep us informed of how you're doing!

fhl

[Faith]

It sounds dumb' date=' but everything about you makes you who you are... And I'm 'almost' proud of having HSV. It made me who I am. [/quote']

Same here. ( I can skip the word 'almost'. hehe..)

You'll know what we mean...... only if you face the fact and face yourself, soon you will be able to let go of the resentment, and appreciate all that happened to you. <smile>

If you want to, go date, girl. See.. Nik (the guy who wrote the post above) even capitalized the phrase.

Best wishes..

Faith

[teddybearjunkie]

fear not

never fear that good guys are out there. I am negative so far to herpes and I recently started dating a girl who has had it for a while and it is not 100 % safe I am optimistic that we can deal with it. a few tips I know of so far

1. we always use condoms

2. she usually just pulls her panties to the side to avoid genital contact as much as possible

3. Remember that no sex is 100% safe and I am aware of that and make my own decision.

I hope you find someone to care for you as much as I care for my baby but their are a few of us good guys out there.

[Eurofied_Robyn]

He later told me that he didn't want to get married or have kids which I thought he did. I now resent him for not helping to prevent me from getting herpes but I also had a part in it too. Now I'm so afraid to get out there and date again. I almost am willing to accept the fact that he doesn't want kids and marriage and stay with him because of this reason.

This isn't an easy situation. You're not alone, I am am in a similar sitch myself. As far as I know, I've had GHSV1 for approx. 1 month. My ex of three years thinks that I gave it to him after getting together with someone else while travelling (the relationship was on its' way out but- bad choice, yes). Anyway, he's been supportive and wants me back...and I've consiered going back. However, we just aren't on the same page. He wants the house and 2.4 kids and for some odd reason I just don't. And I can't make myself want that. I've tried. And you won't be able to make yourself stop wanting to get married and have children. And having herpes won't change that internal desire. Also, like you, I thought we were in it for the long haul... but sometimes it's a life decision you don't figure out right away... esp. when you're young.

So as everyone said, go and date. You actually probably increase your chances of finding someone who is marrigeable by having H as you actually have to put the effort into the initial stages of a relationship. Courting, you know. I know there will be pple who disagree but, casual sex sadly doesn't really exist anymore, in my point of view anyways.

Take care, Keep your head up.

[N A Pickle]

scared,

I've had it for almost 15 years. During that time, I realized that I had a tremendous responsiblity. So much so, that it overpowered my fear of rejection. The rirst thing you need to realize is that you can date someone without having to tell them. Simply put, if you don't place them at risk, then they need never know. I operated like that for a while.

Then, if you reach a point in your relationship that you feel like "it's time" (personally I feel like) you have a responsibility to tell them. This is where you have to realize that if anyone rejects you over it, that's someone you should have weeded out by now. Point being, you can get to know someone well enough to know if they'll reject you without telling them first. If you reach that point, I hope you've already given that person enough consideration to know (tentatively) how they would answer.

That's how it was with my wife. I dated her long enough to reach the point that she needed to know. Not so much for any physical reason(s), but rather because I felt like I should give her the option to "pass me up" BEFORE she fell in love with me in case the pure fact would crush her when she found out. I don't need to tell you how it turned out. She was pure when we met, and once I told her, she acted like she couldn't have cared less. We've been married for 9 years now, and she's still disease free.

No worries. If they (would) reject you, they aren't worth having.