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My Life Continues

2 posts in this topic

Worse and worse, it cancels my heart

This unending horror 

Only God knows why I cannot share my body with anyone 

No more soft kisses, no more lovemaking

I am poisonous 

If it came and went, my life would go on 

but everyday i feel it, poking and stabbing

and the needles follow straight to my heart, and it beats that horror, over and over

telling me I am poison, and I am alone, over     and      over

it is a closely guarded secret, I am one of very few, 

My heart cannot take it, the visions of babies in my arms and his longing gaze and embrace

 ripped     out     of       my       chest  

I want to keep on living, I want to keep on living, I want to hope,  but I cant do it alone, I can't do the next 50 years continuing this crippling isolation

Our minds are designed to dwell on a problem until it is solved

and I am the problem, every day, it is the body I inhabit

and there is no solution on the horizon

I don't want to spread this heart cancelling horror to anyone

I am 29, I am beautiful and young, and I don't want to die

the world is so beautiful, there is so much to fight for

but this disease has hollowed me out, and my insides are old and dead

All I have is hope left

Knowing that the world is often made of lies

and wishes and magic are granted to those who seek with their whole heart

I scrape up the dust and mix in water and humus and my best seeds

and I hope with time something new will grow

and that truth and healing and love will emerge with new life

until then all I have is my body, my hope, and the horror, the horror. 

eva13, 098765. and SnowAngel like this

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      Boil is my guess too, but if you have concerns then please attend your doctor. If you have been having sex with partner(s) whose STD status you do not know then please consider an STD panel that includes at least HIV, Hep A/B/C, gon, syph, chlam, trich, HSV 1/2.
    • WilsoInAus
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