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Hi. I am newly diagnosed with Herpes. I have been experiencing painful discomfort as I urintate and was able to feel the sores in my genital area. I have so many issues to deal with right now. The worse one is knowing how I got it.

I have been married for 7 years and I had an affair on my husband. The herpes is a result of my extramarital affair. I know I may hear alot of negative comments on me having an affair, but no one can beat me up the way I am beating myself up right now. I have told my husband everything. He is getting tested tomorrow. I am possibly losing everything good in my life and have gained an uncurable disease.

I am really freaking out. I am here for support because I feel so lost right now.

Will the herpes part of my situation get better? I have always had a negative view towards people with STD's and now here I am sitting with one. Will it get easier to accept?

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I always thought herpes was a really gross thing that only gross people had until I got it! I think the worst thing is the way the word HERPES sounds. It sounds creepy-crawly if you know what I mean. I honestly think if there were a better word for it it wouldn't seem as bad. Hang in there and you will be fine. Way back when I was married I had an affair too and I won't judge you for that. I'm sure there are a lot of things going on in your life that led to that and no one here can make an assumption that you're a bad person just because of that. In my case after 5 years of mental abuse I latched onto someone who was nice to me and it felt so good to be loved!! Luckily I never got any STDs from that little fling but I did do the right thing and end my unhappy marriage. Look through these forums and you will find a lot of nice people with a lot of different backgrounds. No one is here to judge. I hope you're feeling better soon!

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the initial outbreak (ob) and the symptoms of herpes (we like to say hsv on here) are not constant and will perhaps come and go but usually it is worse in the beginning while your body develops antibodies to fight off the infection.

many experience discomfort in urination and one suggestion is to (let go) in the shower while the warm water runs over your urethra or to pour water over yourself while you go. this will dilute the acidity and hopefully provide some comfort.

I recommend that you drink lots of fresh, clean, water. it hydrates the body, helps to speed healing and dilutes the acidity.

epsom salt baths and aveeno active naturals bath powder are very soothing during ob's.

I hope you feel better soon.

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Also try to calm down your mental state has alot to do with your herpes outbreaks as well. Its always best to not get so upset about it and try to recenter yourself again.

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Similar scenario

I was not married, but I was dating my boyfriend and we were apart from each other over the summer ( We are in college). I found someone new, (hence cheated on him), and we broke up while we were still apart. As soon as we seen each other again, we started to have sex, and I spread the herpres to him a few days before I started showing symptoms of the disease. I did not know I have herpes or that the guy I cheated on my boyfriend did (he still thinks he doesnt). But I do know now that I have it and that my ex boyfriend has it (and him and I are living together for the time being).

It is what it is though. Life throws curve balls at people all the time. As long as you stay strong and realize the wrong things and learn from them, than you can redeem whatever disappointment you feel in yourself.

Haha, no doubt dealing with the husband (and for me the boyfriend will be tough), but you did not do it on purpose and therefore you should not feel bad about it. If anything the cheating should be the issue of the relationship (with the herpes as a accidental side effect). Haha and honestly (coming from a cheater), if your husband was not making you happy (Like my boyfriend), than there lies some fault on his side too. Pay attention to "what is" and not "what you make things out to be".

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    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
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