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I've had genital herpes for about a year and a half now. I first got infected when I was 16. I was with my boyfriend but I made a huge mistake and cheated on him. I'd been sexually active with this guy for about 3 months so I never thought anything of it, I'd never seen any sores on him or anything. I've never had unpretected sex in my life, but one day I came unprepared and decided to go ahead and have sex without a condom. When I first saw the sores, I asked him if he had given it to me and he denied it. Till this day I'm still not sure if he was the guy who gave it to me. I'm the perfect example of how it can happen to anyone and it only takes one time. I'm currently in a relationship with someone and I haven't told him I have herpes yet and I'm not sure how to. He bad mouths STD's constantly so I don't think he would understand. If anyone could give me some advice or just some help I'd really appreciate it. I wanna know I'm not alone. Thank you

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I have to admit, I've never been in your position. I'm much older and pretty well settled in as far as relationships go. But my gut feeling is, pass him by. His constant bad-mouthing of people with STD's shows ignorance (which can be overcome if he's willing) and also narrow-mindedness. It also sounds like he just isn't a very nice person. Guess he hasn't heard that in time, he's as likely to get it as anyone else, regardless of how bulletproof he thinks he is. But what you don't want, is for him to get it from you.

I'm assuming you haven't been intimate, since you haven't told him, yet. Don't waste yourself on him. You're so young, you have plenty of time to find someone more receptive, and more understandng of how things really are. You deserve better.

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I copied this from another thread on how I tell men I date...

I have told this several times in this forum... when I tell someone I am dating.... I make a quiz of it... I play the would you date game... I include a lot of strange questions... would you date someone that had been arrested... would you date someone who was arrested for spousal abuse... would you date someone who is a recovering addict... would you date someone who lost custody of their children... would you date someone who was sick... would you date someone who had a treatable std... would you date someone with a lifetime std....

It is interesting how many men would date a woman who has been arrested... or lost a custody battle... but depending on the reaction it will determine if I consider HIM to be dateable...

when I do tell... I have the same basic story as most... I dated someone... cared about him... had sex with him... and in the end got herpes... I call it my parting gift... then I ask him what he knows about it... and when the last time he got tested was... and if he was tested for herpes.... I explain that I would understand if he wasn't interested because of that...

I have been blessed... even the men that have said they wouldn't date someone with and STD have.... for some reason....when they know who you are... they aren't afraid of it... I always tell on one of the first dates too... I don't want to get hooked on someone who wouldn't be with me.... plus I am open over all about it.... I hate the stigma attached to it... so I figure the only way to break that is to show that I am not a stereotype...

mind you... the guy I am currently with... said he would not date someone with an STD... and yet here we are.... and he knows.... and how he feels about me... changed how he felt about the STD...

Much luck to you.....

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I currently date a woman that is hsv2 positive she told me on our second date. I am ok with it and we have unprotected sex and oral. Its not a big deal even now I could have hsv2 and not realize it but thats just something I deal with. Just know that there are guys out there that will love you anyway. Just have to let them get to know you first.

Over all you have to love yourself first.. if you can't accept yourself it makes it that much harder.

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  • 1 year later...

I know how you feel

Hey there,

Im not exactly good with giving advice but I do want to say I know exactly how you feel. I work in a bar and my life is surrounded with people who just want to have a good time. We all spend a lot of time together and every now and again they joke about herpes, everytime they do its like a stab to the heart for me (they dont know I have it). People are just ignorant, they dont know what its like because they dont have it. However, some people do understand once you have told them. I have never told a guy that I have it but have told a couple of friends who I trust dearly. Just be sure that you trust him enough to tell him, if you do then I hope he will understand and support you.

Take care:)

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People who put down people with STDs

I agree with MsLucy. People like that are ignorant and mean. What kind of person puts down someone suffering from a disease? If it's because it's a sexually transmitted disease, it implies that the person is basically narrow minded and condemning of other people's sex lives or of sexuality in general. It shows a deep weakness to enjoy putting down those who are at a disadvantage. I would move on.

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  • 1 year later...

Hi, I am new to this site Around a month ago I had my 1st outbreak and was diagnosed with hsv 1 . My ex boyfriend gave it to me while performing oral on me with a coldsore. We broke up and I feel so alone. I do not feel like I can ever have a normal dating life or sex life ever again. I get tingling almost every night and don't know when this feeling will go away. Will I ever be able to receive oral again without giving a future partner Herpes? Am I better off going on a Herpes dating site to meet people. I am very goodlooking and get asked out a lot but don't feel comfortable telling anyone. The only one who knows is my ex-boyfriend. I feel like he ruined my life.

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