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hello to all. I'm new here and am confused about my life.


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I have been with my husband for almost 9 years. Just this past thanksgiving I found out I had herpes. I don't know where I got it from at all. I told my husband and he got checked out but they didn't find anything. But I'm sure he has the virus as well considering we have had sex for the past 9 years. Well after sitting down and talking about it we both decided that we will chop it up as a loss cause we dont' know where the virus came from considering we have only been with each other.

Now the problem is dealing with the virus. I'm constantly paranoid about having an outbreak. I'm confused and scared about being with my husband. He is willing to wait until I feel better but I'm scared that if I have sex with him that it can bring on another outbreak which is what I don't want. Can anyone tell me when it's the right time to go ahead and have sex again? Also, how do I keep from having a outbreak again? And with the emotional side of it, how do I get over feeling bad about my body?

I'm confused about this whole situation and don't know how to handle it.

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Can anyone tell me when it's the right time to go ahead and have sex again?

Now. :wink:

As long as you are not having an outbreak (in which case you probably wouldn't physically WANT to have sex anyway)

You're married... You're managomous..

You guys talked about it...

"Just do it" :wink:

(this is all just my opinion, as noone else (besides yourself) can tell you when the right time is)

Also, how do I keep from having a outbreak again?

Well, to start with, stop worrying about it. :D

Stress of all kinds is what does it... Eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep...

And with the emotional side of it, how do I get over feeling bad about my body?

There's nothing that we can tell you that will make a difference until you look inside or yourself and accept that you are the same person you always were.

I can tell you that thousands... millions of people have overcome the emotional barrier but that won't matter until you realize it for yourself.

I don't know what did it for me... Other then I think just 'living' with it.. I think the first time I actually went a day without even thinking about it, then I was like "wow, i didn't even think about it today"

There will come a time you ALmost forget you have it.

Life goes on. HSV is nothing.

Now go do your husband. :wink:

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LOL :lol: Thanks for the advice.

What about the itching I keep having. Will that ever go away?

And with both of us having it, if we do have sex could it cause an outbreak to occur?

Also should we use condoms or does it not matter now cause be both have it?

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What about the itching I keep having. Will that ever go away?

If you itch, but you aren't having an outbreak, it might not be hsv related.

As long as you don't have the visual symptoms (blisters) you aren't having an outbreak.

And with both of us having it, if we do have sex could it cause an outbreak to occur?

Sex doesn't cause an outbreak... (and as a stress reliever, it might prevent them.) :wink:

If as your logic goes, you both have it, then you both have the same 'strain'.

You don't need to worry about re-infecting yourselves, because you can't get it twice.

With the minimal chance of exposure from shedding... I would not waste your time, or pleasure with condoms.

I have read that using a lubricant is better if one partner has it, and one does not, because then sex becomes less abrasive and less chance of infection IF the infected partner is shedding.

But again, if you both have it... I don't think this is any kind of issue at all.

Seriously... No outbreak... go to town!!!! :D

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Guest Anonymous

well how long is an outbreak supposed to last?

because I check myself constantly and I notice real tiny bumps. Like a little rash. and if it is the outbreak then this would either be my third in a month or it's just not going away.

And if I have an outbreak and still have sex will my husband have a outbreak?

Sorry if I have too many questions. I thank you ver much for you advice cause so far you are the only one that has been able to give me info. :)

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In time - you will know your body better, and recognise the OBs... I get mine in the same two spots. Usually around my period, or if I'm sick. When you're feeling good, then go ahead. If you have an outbreak - try something else.... no need to aggrevate the area while it's healing. I believe that if you have an OB, and a blister opens, you can spread the virus to another site - I wouldn't take that chance.

If it's just a rash right now - you may be aggrevating it by messing with it so much - one thing I've learned - don't touch! Keep it dry and clean - it will go away faster. The more you look, think, worry, touch - it will be there longer.

Good luck!

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Guest Anonymous

I am having the same symptoms. It all started last December...kinda itchy then very itchy constantly until February when I noticed some little tiny bumps. Looks very rash-like. It scared the crap out of me. I wasn't able to see a doctor until April and that's when I was diagnosed with both HSV types (from a blood test). My itchiness went away in May but the bumps/rash has remained. The itchiness has come back within the last month. It is less intense than last year. I just wish these bumps would go away.

My boyfriend has no symptoms but he's got to have it since we've had unprotected sex for six years. He has not been tested yet. Anyhow, I researched all this stuff for awhile after being diagnosed but kinda forgot about it once the itchiness stopped. Now I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend and am worried about maybe giving this to someone else I happen to meet in the future. But, I don't want to give this to someone else. I'm worried that they'd get something worse than what I've got and that would be awful.

I feel destined to be alone....

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First of all, you're not alone - just spend some time reading these messages and you'll know. I am petrified of being alone, but I'm working on it! If you are unhappy in a relationship, don't let the herpes keep you there. That's just plain unhealthy. But on the flip side, don't leave a relationship because the virus is making you feel unworthy.

Good luck. We'll be here if you need to talk...that's one thing I've learned - silly as it sounds, there are some great people here who are very supportive. Take advantage.

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But' date=' I don't want to give this to someone else. I'm worried that they'd get something worse than what I've got and that would be awful.[/quote']

Hi Delta,

I know.... having herpes give you thoughts like that.

But I think, in the end, you're gonna come to the point that you feel it's ok to get something worse, when you love and care for your partner. I've been really feeling that everything in life is just a choice. It's not absolute right or wrong. Being fortunate, being unfortunate,... it really depends on how you feel about a fact. It depends on how you take it.

Don't fear. Follow your heart. Don't let herpes be the reason for you to stay with someone who you don't wanna be with.

All we can do is to learn important lesson from this, and take care of ourselves. And be honest, and do what you believe is right.

The rest will follow..... things will work out for the best.

And, just like Lasmom said, you're not alone. At all. We may seem like just letters on your screen :D , but we are real people.

And... when you read someone's post ( I don't say whose post, Lasmom. :D LOL) and it makes you laugh,.... that's the time you will know that having herpes is not a gloomy thing. It actually gives you more possibilities of getting true friendship, true love, and knowing true meaning of life.

Best wishes..


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