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Lostnconfused114

Outright rejection? Or just needs more time?

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Lostnconfused114

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed last week and I told my ex (were working things out) and he completely freaked out. We've been together about 2 years, we're in a long distance relationship. I told him about a girl I dated then he told me she had herpes. A year later (present time) I decided to take a blood test since I never saw any bumps and it was positive. He was obviously very hurt saying I broke his heart, every time he thinks about it he gets sick to his stomach, and things will never be the same. I've tried to contact him since getting his first response but he shuts down we he gets angry. I don't know how to take his reaction, whether to be hopeful or begin the healing process. We both thought each other were the one, but I know he is very uncomfortable with the idea of herpes. So, any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

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WilsoInAus

Welcome @Lostnconfused114 I am sure we can help.

To start with though, it is important to understand what herpes we are dealing with here. What blood test did you have and what were the exact results?

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K_Sock

@lostnconfused Sorry you're dealing with all this... Definitely a tough situation...but it sounds as though he has had the time to educate himself on HSV and it's doubtful he would never be comfortable with the situation... If he's not educated, then you can educate him on some of the transmission risks and such...but there will never be a guarantee that you can prevent him from getting HSV if you were to become intimate again.

Perhaps more importantly, and it's for no one to judge but you.., but are you both really a good match? He doesn't have any reason to be angry at you...but I suppose it's very fair (albeit not that 'charming') to be angry at the situation... Some might say that if he can't look past HSV then he doesn't really love you...i'm not sure that's entirely fair BUT it has some validity.. Hypothetically, if I were in his shoes and fully in love with you then I wouldn't let HSV be the end even though I likewise would be uncomfortable... I would however need plenty of re-assurance that you wouldn't be going anywhere...

I'm not sure I conveyed all this well...but it's just my honest opinion and hopefully it helps.. End of the day, you both have to decide what's best for you... Time is precious and Love conquers all though...

Edited by K_Sock
typo

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Lostnconfused114

Thank you for the responses, I have type 2 and I tried to send him some information about transmission rates which he reviewed. I definitely feel as though his whole idea of me has changed, so he wouldn't be able to see past it. To your question, yes we were really really good together, making plans for a long future together.  So I believe that he loves me deeply but that his disgust with the idea of herpes is coloring his idea of me. Have either of you had someone react negatively at first, then change? 

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WilsoInAus

What was the blood test result? How long do you think you have had HSV-2?

Yes there are plenty of examples where people have got through an initial concern over herpes. Also plenty where that doesn't happen. For those for whom it didn't happen, they often say that herpes as helped them sort out the better relationship material.

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Lostnconfused114

I asked for the HerpeSelect test and it said type 2, I may have had it much longer than when I encountered that woman since I hear it's harder to get it from lesbian sex. Just not sure. 

I feel like I destroyed a beautiful relationship with this disclosure. How do you not internalize the rejection and move on? I just keep seeing our hopes and dreams for a future together flowing down the drain :-( 

 

 

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K_Sock

@Lostnconfused114 

Re: your first question (Have either of you had someone react negatively at first, then change? ).... No I haven't.. I have disclosed only twice but both wanted to be with me... Neither were too concerned about the virus (which I never passed to either) but my stress and fear of passing it certainly led to the end of the relationships..

Re: your second question (I feel like I destroyed a beautiful relationship with this disclosure. How do you not internalize the rejection and move on?)... You did not destroy the relationship! All you did was have sex (perfectly natural) and you did not ask for HSV... Your BF is the one who is destroying the relationship...and i'm sorry about that. As for the rejection, well in this case only the virus in your body is being rejected and so hopefully that makes it a lil easier as there is nothing you can do about that... (albeit it's probably more frustrating...)... 

Hopefully someone with 'fairytale' stories (of which there are plenty who mention them here) will sweep in here soon to provide the support you need...but hopefully this helps...

 

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Free73

.96 is a very low positive. Have you had a further test, possibly a western blot to confirm?

 

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WilsoInAus

Not even a low positive, equivocal according to the packet, and 99% chance of being negative!

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      I'm in ny and 39 inshallah Allah u still check for this
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      That's exactly right, you can return to your life and get the blood test as a sleep easy in 12 weeks time (from the last episode).
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      @Laurenhelena how is this guy sure he has herpes? All sounding a bit odd to me. Yes it is very unlikely you will develop lesions now. Rubbing skin to skin is required for any feasible transmission chance. The odds of transmission with unprotected vaginal sex are of the order of 0.08% per epsiode. Halve this if a condom is worn. Compare that to chamydia that has about a 33% chance of transmission with unprotected sex; now that's contagious!
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      I just feel that it’s known as such a contagious STD - I’ve been lying to my family cause when I tried to talk about it they became very anxious and begged me to tell them I hadn’t slept with him when I had - If someone told me that they slept with someone with genital herpes my mind would instantly think they had it.  So it’s unlikely then that I’m going to get symptoms now? I’m not going anything further with that guy but we have cuddled and kissed in bed with underwear on, is that ok?  Im quite sure he has hsv2 given that his ex gave it to him through a threesome  I’ve never had a cold sore   
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