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IMA2007

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IMA2007

This is my first post since joining two months ago. I was officially diagnosed back in September of this year, whether I have a certain type I'm not entirely too sure but given the outbreaks I've had around my vagina I'm guessing I have type 2, and definitely need to ask my doctor if I even have type 1 oral. Coming to terms with this disease has been difficult. When I was diagnosed by my doctor, I had no time to mentally process since a couple days later I was off to my trip to Seattle and Canada and I did not want to burden my trip by being depressed. About a year and half before being diagnosed I had an outbreak and I was so scared but I did not want to get tested because even if I knew deep down that it was herpes I did not want to go to a doctor and have it be real. I know exactly who I got it from and I've read a lot into it about how you can have it and not have symptoms but just given I had sex with this guy and immediately getting the symptoms a month or so later? I knew itwas him. I will admit I was dumb enough to not have used protection and I mentally kick myself and curse myself out for not doing so. I was also diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom) and ended up with high cholesterol as a symptom. I've been very busy with work and getting a promotion, I've been trying to move out and getting  my own place. To top it off, I'm doing online school so my mind is too busy to even think about having this condition.! I've broken down at least three time plus today four. I have not told anyone about me having herpes because I'm honestly ashamed. I've read that it helps to tell at least someone. But even just saying it too myself I feel disgusting and I'm so disappointed in myself. So telling anyone just downright scares me, it scares me that they'll judge me and honestly I am not promiscuous at all. Maybe I was in my early 20s. But I would always use protection. The only times I haven't used a condom was with an ex and the guy who gave me herpes. 

What brought on my sudden depression was because I really really like this guy. We've messaged back and forth a few times and he has mentioned hanging out but of course I don't follow through on my end. First of course is just thinking every. Possible. Thing. what if I end up wanting to date this guy and be serious? Can I really risk myself to be turned down once I tell him? I don't think I can handle being rejected.! He is going to think I'm disgusting! He knows so many people that I know!! What if he tells someone?! I don't want anyone knowing about that! Can I even kiss anyone? I'm not even sure if I have oral herpes?!!! What if he wants to settle down and start a family? I can't risk a child to have this disease! I don't even think a child is a possibility for me because of my PCOS. Who would want to be with someone who has herpes AND is infertile?! Just SO many things I Think about. To top of at all too, a symptom of PCOS is weight gain. I have gained A LOT OF WEIGHT. This is what makes me the most self conscious of all. 

I know I need to take a risk and go out there and start dating but in the meantime I'm just wanting to take care of myself where I can mentally and physically be comfortable.

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hitkid

Hi I'm hitkid (what a terrible fucking username I have). I'm the village asshole around here (I'm semi kidding guys. Welcome to HC lol. 

Anywho. Here's a small story I wrote that I'll just copy and paste:

 

Quote

Alright here's what you have to do: get to a point where you really don't give a shit about herpes. 

When I caught it I felt all the same bullshit that the people around here talk about. Stigma this and my life sucks that. I started telling people that I had herpes.After telling 8 or 9 people I have herpes, I found out that more than 15 people I personally know have herpes.

I started telling people when I was scared and depressed,  and when I would tell people they would mirror my horror and act like they just lost a friend. As time went on I stopped giving a shit about herpes and it was at that period when I noticed that when I told people they'd just shrug their shoulders at me. 

Moral of the story here is people will mirror your emotional state when you tell them. If you tell them like you're going to die, they'll talk to you as such. If you talk to them when you don't give a fuck, they won't give a fuck. It's pretty simple. I'm pretty sure I found the actual psychological theory behind that once. The key thing to being able to do this is not giving a fuck about your herpes. I mean at all.


I'm going to address this:

 

Quote

what if I end up wanting to date this guy and be serious? Can I really risk myself to be turned down once I tell him? I don't think I can handle being rejected.! He is going to think I'm disgusting! He knows so many people that I know!! What if he tells someone?! I don't want anyone knowing about that! Can I even kiss anyone? 

Honestly, you need to be okay with yourself having herpes. The easiest way is to tell a close friend, or relative. They'll listen and that helps. After you become cool with it you're ready to date. 

If you want to date this guy, then sure, tell him. If he rejects you fuck em. Herpes is glorified acne on your crotch that 1 in 5 males have already. 

I had someone I told out me once in front of someone I didn't know for more than 30 minutes. I looked at the person who outed me, owned up to it and threw my wallet on the table. "I'll take you to a clinic in the city to blood test you for GHSV. I'll pay for your test and give you $200 if you don't have some form of HSV. If you're positive you'll pay for your test and give me $200." His face went extremely red and he said no. It actually started somewhat of a dialog about herpes because I said 1 - 5 have it and you've slept with more than 30 people. So I knew statistically it was an easy $200. Not to mention that I also would've taken his money if he had oral herpes and told him he had gen just to be a dick lol.

Now the likely hood of you being outed is low. I know I was, but the guy was a dick. 

Can you kiss him? Why not he probably gets oral coldsores too. 80% of the planet has that. Genital herpes isn't much to worry about, oral herpes really isn't something to worry about.

Truthfully though. Judging by how you are. Don't start a relationship, or date till you feel better about having it. Make a priority out of coming to terms with your herpes and then start dating.

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Sansa218

I get how you feel, but you are letting yourself be overwhelmed about this guy....you're already planning your marriage and children.  You're doing this because you are afraid, and this is how you are going to talk yourself out of meeting him.  Try taking one day at a time.  Just breathe.   Give yourself a break...you don't need to do everything at once.  Talk to this guy if it makes you feel good, but don't put pressure on yourself to meet him.  I think there's a lot of posts on here that can be really helpful to you in accepting yourself as a whole and lovable person and on having the conversation with someone when you are ready.

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Free73

You really need to stop being so hard on yourself. If you're not ready to date (and it doesn't sound like you are) then stop putting pressure on yourself. Maintain a friendship with this guy and just enjoy spending time with him from time to time. But you need to start building yourself back up, mentally, physically and emotionally. Confide in people close to you and break down some of these false perceptions you have that people will think you're disgusting. If you met me and I told you I had herpes, would you react to me with shameful scorn and disgust? If the answer is no, then why think of yourself in those terms?

You have some great things going on in your life. You got a promotion, you are going to school and you want to move in to your own place. Don't let something like Herpes derail the great things you have going on in your life. Everything will fall into place, including relationships, if you give yourself permission to shine.

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Lisajd

Like most people with hsv its this big dirty secret and we assume everyone will judge us etc etc.  Ive seen a number of others have positive disclosures and some of where the guy has hsv1 as a minimum.  Give the guy a go. If you assume he will run you are not being fair on him or you. 

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Blaire

I have genital herpes, pcos, and a 3 month old healthy baby girl. I take my valtrex as needed and my metformin for pcos. Metformin helped with my weight gain and infertility. I had a successful vaginal birth. Dreams of marriage and children is still practical for all.

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cvh0007123

Reading this seemed as if I was mirroring myself. I was diagnosed in July. I am 22, in school too, up for a promotion, and a potentially amazing internship soon. But from time to time all I can think about is the diagnosis and he fucktard that gave it to me. Some days are better than others so you just need to take it one day at a time until you've accepting every part of yourself again. 

This all goes to say that things will get better in due time. I promise you that. I've found one close friend to confide in, my mom and brother. The worst thing to do is go about this alone so if you can't find a close relative or friend, become more active on this site or seek a therapist. It helps!

Don't force yourself back into the dating scene if you're not ready. You'll just run everyone off by overthinking things (cough what I did/am doing cough). Focus on your blessings and just learn from this baby girl. There's noooo rush at all to make him your boyfriend (:

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