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Simplexity

Hi everyone I am new in here so not sure how to do this but I decided to start a new thread about the dating issue with herpes. I wrote in one thread about the hopelessness with herpes dating sites and I agree, why isn't there a dating site or a facebook community where dating can be held. I joined one facebook group in Sweden thinking there were a lot of people there...I think it was 50 people... so no luck there, I also tried PS and other sites but as all say in here, noone replies, I guess noone want to pay because the chance of get any reply is very little. IF THAT MANY PEOPLE HAVE THIS AS THEY SAY WHY ISN'T THERE A BIG PLATFORM FOR DATING WITH HEPRPES WHERE THERE ARE LIKE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE? Where are the big facebook groups where  you have a chance to find someone?

However with this said I am thinking about doing someting bold, haven't done it yet waiting for the right time. I will write my problem out in the profile in one of the largest dating sites in Sweden, because all logic say this to me: If they say that many have this problem, why do I never get in touch with them, of course it's because they feel the same way I do, they also sit there on the other side and think the same way, not daring to tell anyone. I am a good looking guy, nice to people, 45 years and no kids still WITHOUT telling about my herpes problem I still don't get many messages in there so I figure what do I have to loose. It may even be that I get MORE answers this way, there must be a lot of women out there who also has this problem, if they find someone else that has the same problem suddenly perhaps they dare to contact.

Anyone think this can be a good idea? I don't really care if someone that I know see me, and think that I am screwed, as things are now I feel screwed anyway...

So, anyone in here know any good dating sites for people with herpes outside the famous expensive ones where noone is answering?:)

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K_Sock

There are going to several members who swoop in here telling you that, because of prevalence, every dating site is a herpes dating site... Of course, it sounds like you know better and expect the 'estimates' for HSV are widely blown out of proportion. So, besides dating normally and 'successfully' disclosing (which you can certainly do!), your outlets for finding someone suitable (right location for starters) with HSV are slim as you noted...

PositiveSingles is the biggest dating site and I currently have been using it for a couple of months as a paid member.. I haven't found the one yet, but I have went out with 4 girls from that site..and will be seeing the 5th this Friday.. If you pay and reach out to enough women, you likely will get dates - of course, it can be slim pickings at times and the ones that look really great don't seem to respond (they never even read the messages as I can see as a paid member)..

Beyond that, it sounds like you're on the right track by joining a site like this and searching for facebook groups (ask @JBnATL about options).. As for adding HSV to your regular dating profiles, I think that's a fine idea as long as you're open about it AND are only seeking someone with the virus.. If you're open to finding love with a HSV negative partner then I would not add HSV to your profile as you will get less responses...

All the best,

Matt

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Disc0rdant

I saw your pics.  You are a good looking dude.  It is a numbers game like sales.  More women than men have it.   I think hsv2 in women is as high as 30-40% if the woman has kids and is over 40.  Again.  Numbers.

I think one strategy(if you can spare the $)may be to date and hold off on sex.  Get tested together for hsv only(here the test is only 49 bucks) and disclose that way.

Sounds crazy but so many women have it and don't know.  I am a numbers guy, that is what I would do.

Can you handle telling them no to sex until you test?  In my city, they have test places for igg open 6 days a week....

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K_Sock
4 hours ago, Disc0rdant said:

 I think hsv2 in women is as high as 30-40% if the woman has kids and is over 40.  Again.  Numbers.

That stat doesn't make any sense.. The majority of women get married before 30.. If their partner doesn't have it then they're not magically going to get it because they age and have kids.. Even divorces & affairs wouldn't result in that prevalence...

It's not all just numbers. We certainly know that someone who doesn't have hsv can have sex with as many people without hsv as they like and never get it.. We also know that the healthiest of people get symptoms and really the only ones who don't know they have it are the ignorant + uneducated.

 

Edited by K_Sock
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Free73

Just date normally as you would without herpes. Unless for a particular reason you are only seeking to date women who do have herpes, then just get out there and start dating. No point overthinking and over analysing it, ust get out there and start doing it

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Disc0rdant
20 hours ago, K_Sock said:

That stat doesn't make any sense.. The majority of women get married before 30.. If their partner doesn't have it then they're not magically going to get it because they age and have kids.. Even divorces & affairs wouldn't result in that prevalence...

It's not all just numbers. We certainly know that someone who doesn't have hsv can have sex with as many people without hsv as they like and never get it.. We also know that the healthiest of people get symptoms and really the only ones who don't know they have it are the ignorant + uneducated.

 

Of course it makes sense.  Kids does not equal married.  Kids equals unprotected.

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K_Sock
1 hour ago, Disc0rdant said:

Of course it makes sense.  Kids does not equal married.  Kids equals unprotected.

I think you're missing the point... HSV is passed from someone who has it to someone who doesn't.. How do 30-40% of 40+ year old  women with kids get HSV-2? Most 40 year olds with kids are married.

Anyways, the stats are just completely wrong... It's pretty obvious..

Simplexity is a very good looking n' fit guy yet he knows what he has as he has still likely had symptoms.. It doesn't sound like he's banging a whole bunch of 40 year old women and passing the virus... So who are these guys banging them all and giving them HSV-2?

Edited by K_Sock
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K_Sock

@WilsoInAus I got an email that you posted here but don't see it... Anyways, short of the long is that I had read all that stuff before... It's another decade old study based on a flawed test and flawed logic... Moving on...

Also, it's not nice to call names or make assertions about my mental stability.. They are unfounded.. It's very unfortunate that you're so aggressive to those with different opinions and ways of thinking.. 

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Prettypony

You are a very good looking guy and there are Facebook groups that you can join that can get you started on your search for that someone special.  There are social ones and I am a member of 3. I know there are dating ones but I'm not sure what they are. Like someone mentioned above get in touch with @JBnATL and he can help you out. That's who hooked me up. Good luck and I know you will meet someone soon.....

Edited by Prettypony
Added info

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Lisajd

I agree with free unless you dont wsnt to pass it on date normally and go from there. Im female and disclosed to several people non h and no issues. A few have had hsv1.  

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Lisajd
2 hours ago, K_Sock said:

How do 30-40% of 40+ year old  women with kids get HSV-2? Most 40 year olds with kids are married.

Who says the 40s with kids are married. Most of my 40s friends have been single for years and have kids.  I got hsv2 at 48

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K_Sock

@Discordant Was I rude? I certainly apologize if what I communicated came across as anything other than my frustration about all that we're told about HSV prevalence... I certainly remember sitting in sex-ed class being told all the facts and thinking 'Well, if everybody has HSV it can't be soo bad' but through experience I now know better.... If I believed all the stats and stuff that doctors/ researchers have 'half-assedly' put together I probably wouldn't even disclose...(but then again, I wouldn't even know I had it in the first place)

Edited by K_Sock
typo

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K_Sock
4 minutes ago, Lisajd said:

Who says the 40s with kids are married. Most of my 40s friends have been single for years and have kids.  I got hsv2 at 48

Do they have HSV-2?  We're talking 30-40%..

Edited by K_Sock

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WilsoInAus

The point is that by about age 40, that for the available dating pool of women, the incidence of HSV-2 is probably approaching 50%.

The OP had the question why are there heaps of people on dating sites with herpes and maybe a massive website of such people?

The simple answer is that all dating sites have plenty of people with herpes (genital HSV-2 included) and most just want to date normally.

 

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K_Sock
8 minutes ago, Lisajd said:

I dont know.  Not the point. You said they are all married?

"Most" is what I said. Pretty irrelevant anyway.. The key is that it's not just a numbers thing.. I jokingly posted a mathematical equation before that would practically guarantee that one's partner had HSV and that got rightfully laughed at here too. We all know there are lots of factors..

Edited by K_Sock

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K_Sock
1 minute ago, WilsoInAus said:

The point is that by about age 40, that for the available dating pool of women, the incidence of HSV-2 is probably approaching 50%.

hehehehehe

1 minute ago, WilsoInAus said:

The OP had the question why are there heaps of people on dating sites with herpes and maybe a massive website of such people?

The simple answer is that all dating sites have plenty of people with herpes (genital HSV-2 included) and most just want to date normally.

 What even is normally? Are they not even disclosing? There's no need to discredit positive singles or facebook groups for meeting people in similar circumstances - it does seem pretty normal to want to meet someone who one won't make sick...

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K_Sock
30 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

 

2005–2008 HSV-2 study by demographic
Demographic HSV-2 Seroprevalence (Females) (Males)
Gender 16.2% 20.9% 11.5%
Age: 14–19 yrs 1.4% 13% 10%
Age: 20–29 yrs 20.5% 14.4% 12.6%
Age: 30–39 yrs 23.6% 25.2% 13.9%
Age: 40–49 yrs 26.1% 32.3% 19.6%
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic 12.3% 15.9% 8.7%
Ethnicity: Black, non-Hispanic 39.2% 48.0% 29.0%
Ethnicity: Mexican American 10.1% 13.2% 7.5%
1 Lifetime Sex Partner 3.9% 5.4% 1.7%
2–4 Lifetime Sex Partners 14.0% 18.8% 7.3%
5–9 Lifetime Sex Partners 16.3% 21.8% 10.1%
>10 Lifetime Sex Partners 26.7% 37.1% 19.1%

That demographic breakdown is quite something... It really is the 'blacks, non-hispanics' inflating the numbers... I am certainly not a racist and I have dated one back girl, but my dating pool is primarily of white ladies who it seems are far less likely to have HSV-2, and far less likely to have HSV-1.

I'm quite sure that in Sweden (where the OP lives) there is a very small black percentage of the population and so perhaps it would have been more kind to have provided the white numbers...

Edited by K_Sock

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Simplexity

Hi everyone, thanks for all the coments I guess I am that new in here I didn't even know there were coments written...:) I appreciate it a lot thanks.

The reason I wanted to go out with it is that lure out the ones having the same problems. In Sweden for example they say 20 % of the women has Simplex 2 that makes just over 1 million, and from those 25 % know they have it and have trouble with it. So that leaves us with 300 000 women in Sweden...why is there only like 10 women in the swedish herpes dating website:) You get my point I guess. There must be hundreds of women in a regular dating site that has this problem, perhaps thousands. But how can we find eachother, I am talking for all single men and women out there. It seems like a waste of time to date someone for a while and scare her off by telling here, then date another one and scare her off too. So if all is clear from the beginning it's okay if the number is heavily reduced, but then the dating can be made as usual and proceeded like a normal date would be. 

Not sure if this makes sense but that's how I feel. 

And no I don't go around banging a lot of 40 year old women xD:D

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Simplexity

it say 30 % of the population in Sweden has antibodies against typ 2. I also looked at the statistics and to be a lucky dater you probably should date in Africa below Sahara...:o But still the numbers say 30 % of the swedish population so...I don't know what to belive. 

 

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Gurav BOM

Hi Sir

Yes I think I would be believing those statistics. I am seeing more more young ladies with the genital herpes than I used to. This is doing with more ladies coming forward to their doctors and more sex before marriage. Here though noone would go on website for herpes and I am not surprised few people do. I try to encourages all the young ladies to be kindest to themselves and look for their man they love.

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Free73

Simplexity, there are thousands of women and men who have herpes who are dating 'normally' who are not placing a high importance on the fact they have herpes. I am out there meeting women who I connect with physically, mentally and emotionally. If I like her and disclose and she doesn't want to take the risk, then that's fine. I will respect that and move on. Yeah it will feel a bit shit, but since when is rejection for any reason a good feeling? It's one of the risks we take in life.

 

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K_Sock
49 minutes ago, Free73 said:

Simplexity, there are thousands of women and men who have herpes who are dating 'normally' who are not placing a high importance on the fact they have herpes.

 

I think you mean billions instead of thousands...

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Disc0rdant
6 hours ago, K_Sock said:

Do they have HSV-2?  We're talking 30-40%..

K-sock

My guess is, the whole race thing may be partly due to genetic factors.  I also believe the numbers may be higher than those(for single women who are dating) but who knows.  I just assume they have everything until tested.  If I am celibate forever from here, so be it.  I have two great kids and I get hit on by women half my age.  I am very shy at times which is weird because I test as ESTP on MBTI and it says we maul anything that walks upright.  Whatever.....  I don't.  Very few partners but I dont care!  It isn't like the one who sleeps w the most wins!

Anyway, k sock, we can disagree.  We can both think we are right.  I am ignorant for sure.  I thought my first penile yeast infection 18 mos ago was hsv2.  It looked like it...  Got it from the ex-gf.  She/we got bad yeast infect. on same day. Moral of the story...

Don't get fancy with chocolate when approaching 40.

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jreemi
On Saturday, November 05, 2016 at 7:54 AM, Simplexity said:

 I wrote in one thread about the hopelessness with herpes dating sites and I agree, why isn't there a dating site or a facebook community where dating can be held. I joined one facebook group in Sweden thinking there were a lot of people there...I think it was 50 people... so no luck there, I also tried PS and other sites but as all say in here, noone replies, I guess noone want to pay because the chance of get any reply is very little. IF THAT MANY PEOPLE HAVE THIS AS THEY SAY WHY ISN'T THERE A BIG PLATFORM FOR DATING WITH HEPRPES WHERE THERE ARE LIKE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE? Where are the big facebook groups where  you have a chance to find someone?

I've also wondered the same thing ever since I was diagnosed 5 months ago. If all these millions of people have it, as is commonly stated around places like these, why isn't there a connvenient method of dating that is well known and respected? All I see are hsv dating sites that feel like scams, money-grabs, and not that many active users.

I guess it could be that most people with hsv end up with a partner that doesn't have it. Maybe it is something that os kept private between couples and there are alot of people that can get past it and not see it as a big deal...but that is wishful thinking I suppose. I still havent been in a situation where I'd have to disclose. So idk

As for going on a dating site and putting in my profile that I have it...I dont think I could ever do that. I had enough trouble getting girls on tinder, pof, okcupid etc before I even had this.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but there definitely are no solid options for dating with hsv (as far as singles groups, dating sites are concerned)

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