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Snoopirac

Feeling sexy and confident after herpes

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Snoopirac

I went out with a friend to a club, which was a big step for me because after my (unofficial) herpes diagnosis I went into a major depression and stayed home in bed on my days off.  So It was nice to dress sexy and wear a face full of makeup again (I'm known as a girly girl).  I felt sexy until I arrived at the club.  Then I was second guessing everything, I no longer felt confident, I was even a bit regretful I went out. How could I confidently give my number knowing I most likely had an incurable virus.  Also, every guy who came to talk to me looked like a walking disease, someone who could potentially give me something worst.  I know it sounds harsh but that's how I felt.  I also know this is not true, not every guy has a disease but I guess I'm more traumatized than I thought.  As the night went on I tried not to think about it to much and ended up having fun with just my girl friend. I rejected every advances I received, and wanted to be left unbothered.  I guess for now that's okay.  But how about if that never changes? It's very scary to think like that.  Makes me very sad :sob:

Edited by Snoopirac

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Hansje

You went out, that is as you say a very big step. Seems totally normal this new situation is strange and difficult at first. I think you did very well, I feel a bit jealous, wish I had that courage! I am still hiding after three years.

You've taken this step, you'll progress! You have shown how strong you are. Give yourself some time.

 

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Snoopirac

Thank you, hansje :relieved:.  Three years is a long time to stay hiding.  Maybe you should give it a try too and one day just go for it and take that leap.  

I'm trying to be strong, and take control of my life again.  I am still getting professional help but at least I'm no longer on antidepressants.  That in itself is challenging.  But I feel a step in the right direction.  

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Beachguy

I know its not easy but don't let H cause you to waste time nor opportunities. Each day is a blessing sounds like you made a great first step.

We are rooting for you Snoopirac.:2thumbsup:

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YammyTea

You may not have it. Getting retested may free your mind.

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Free73

I think the thread heading summed it up. We all want to feel 'sexy' but none of us is prepared for the consequences or the responsibility that come with sex and sexuality. When we react the way we do to contracting herpes, it means we have judgemental attitudes towards sex. I know for me, sex was as much a tool for validation as anything else. From what I read on these forums, it's the same for most other people. Herpes is an opportunity to work on opening our minds and leaving judgement behind, both of ourselves and others

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Lisajd

I dont understand why people fear dating and feel the way they do about themselves.  You reject advances... whats to say 1 of those guys has h himself. Give yourself and someone the chance. You dont know their own status or their view on h. What we do is just assume which is wrong. 

Edited by Lisajd

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valleynovascotia

yeah i used to go out every weekend and chase the ladies herpes and hpv put an end to that i never go out I sit at home hoping for cures.  I miss those days were i used to go bar hopping so selfish of that girl take my freedom  away from me.

Edited by valleynovascotia

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Free73
31 minutes ago, valleynovascotia said:

yeah i used to go out every weekend and chase the ladies herpes and hpv put an end to that i never go out I sit at home hoping for cures.  I miss those days were i used to go bar hopping so selfish of that girl take my freedom  away I hope she rots in hell.

Ok......so you can't deal with the fact that you have an incurable STD, but you miss going bar hopping and chasing girls in the hope of getting laid, which in turn would have increased your chances of getting an STD. Can you see how screwed up that logic is?

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valleynovascotia

lol you again free 73 i hardly ever got laid, But  it was nice to know that the option was there or the option of meeting a girl to start dating.

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Free73

No one has taken that option away from you. Until you go out and try it, then sitting and complaining about it is childish

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Lisajd
50 minutes ago, valleynovascotia said:

yeah i used to go out every weekend and chase the ladies herpes and hpv put an end to that i never go out I sit at home hoping for cures.  I miss those days were i used to go bar hopping so selfish of that girl take my freedom  away I hope she rots in hell.

So because you have an std you cant go to bars And not chase ladies. .  I ask you this have you disclosed to a woman yet?   Its a two way street here you didnt have to have sex with her. I wasnt told. Do i blame the guy who i think it was no.  Do i sit at home sulking no.  Its all about choice.  Sure you can take your time to come to grips with it but do you want to live like this for the rest of your life.  

Edited by Lisajd

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valleynovascotia

I havn't had sex since i caught it i don't even try been turned down from 4 potential relationships for having it. And im not some  dog that runs around trying to screw women.

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Sansa218

Valley, I think I've seen almost all of your posts, and I'm sorry that you are such an angry man.  I'm not sure this site is of any help to you, because everytime you post something it's pretty negative and/or looks as though you have a "poor me" attitude.  You are not looking for support, IMHO, you are wallowing in your own misery, putting all the blame on the girl who infected you and hoping that other people here will pay attention to you.   You are in the same boat as a lot of other people here.  Everyone is sorry you got herpes, but everyone will not rush to your side if you aren't willing to accept your situation and change your attitude toward your future.

Just saying.

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valleynovascotia

I guess im negative.....

Edited by valleynovascotia

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Lisajd

You are not the only one however you do need to try to change your thinking.  Sh1t happens.  You cant change it so.what are you going to do?  If you want to live with anger and blame go.for it but be happy with that choice and dont keep.complaining about it.   Constant negative talk becomes habitual.  

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valleynovascotia

Yeah i think im just going to keep quit and keep to myself. Then i'll keep everybody happy lol.

Edited by valleynovascotia

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valleynovascotia

But lisa i have to respectfully disagree its not a two way street when you don't disclose it's actually a crime punishable by law  in some states . Peace guys.

Edited by valleynovascotia

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Lisajd

Regardless you have to decide how you want to live your life

What about those who dont know they have it and pass it.  Would you be angry then?

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Free73
20 minutes ago, valleynovascotia said:

Yeah i think im just going to keep quit and keep to myself. Then i'll keep everybody happy lol.

People are encouraging you to do your best to get on with your life. If we all came on here to moan about how shitty our lives are what would be the point of the forums? Isnt the better approach to lift each other up and encourage each other to keep living? You are entitled to moan and whine, but after a while it just becomes toxic to you and those around you

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Hansje

Well my life isn't shitty. I sport, run, do yoga, work. But dating I am not comfortable with. I know that rejection because of H would make me sad.

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Free73
32 minutes ago, Hansje said:

Well my life isn't shitty. I sport, run, do yoga, work. But dating I am not comfortable with. I know that rejection because of H would make me sad.

Rejection for any reason makes us sad. So dont give herpes any special consideration in that regard. The reality is that 90% of potential partners wont work ou irrespective of herpes or not. So its just another thing to deal with

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fixme1
2 hours ago, Free73 said:

Rejection for any reason makes us sad. So dont give herpes any special consideration in that regard. The reality is that 90% of potential partners wont work ou irrespective of herpes or not. So its just another thing to deal with

Funny you say this, ive just got with someone who is probably the best person i could of met. she looked past my issue and likes me for who I am. my last relationships never worked, even had my previous one not disclose till she left me(so you are right , most relationships dont work). always light at the end of the tunnel

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Lisajd
3 hours ago, Hansje said:

Well my life isn't shitty. I sport, run, do yoga, work. But dating I am not comfortable with. I know that rejection because of H would make me sad.

Dont assume you will be rejected.  Whats to say the guy you meet wont have herpes.  Give yourself a chance

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