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Fighterforlife

Herpes for the First Time

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Fighterforlife

Hi everyone,

I just found out yesterday that I have type 2 herpes. I've been in monogamous relationships, with the most recent one being 3 years. I had a drunken night (first time since the breakup) and had unprotected sex. Symptoms showed up immediately after and here we are now. One night, one mistake, changed my whole life.

I cried at the doctors office and have been feeling ashamed, sad, and depressed. Thank god i have a close group of friends and family who have been extremely supportive. However, no matter how many times they try to tell me "it's going to be alright", I can't somehow be convinced.

Can some of you guys tell me some experiences with living with herpes? I'm finally happy from my breakup and ready to be in the casual dating scene, but this happened. I've read up on some facts of herpes and that it is manageable and livable. However, I don't believe i can ever go back into the dating scene because this changes everything...no more passionate flings, no more causal dating and now i have to disclose to my future love interests something i don't think I will even have the guts to do.

I also have anxiety (take daily medication for it) and have a stressful job, and I know that stress is the number one trigger for an outbreak.

I'm also torn with telling the guy I had sex with that he gave it to me. I'm just scared he will deny it and tell everyone this secret.

Any advice, stories, suggestions would greatly help. I've been so depressed and sad, I would love to hear stories and advice from people going through the same thing as me.

 

Edited by Fighterforlife

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Twilightzone

Hello...i am new here as well and i just found out a few days ago...im in a similiar situation...i slept with an old partner after years of seperation and now i have Hsv-2...im just crushed...but i refuse to let this cripple my life...i know its going to take me a long time to try and be ok with this but im going to try...i guess i cant offer you much advice because im in ur shoes right now but what i will say is being alive is a beautiful thing and though having this is shitty lets just try and do the best we can to just simply enjoy the gift of life...my life is far from perfect i have been through things ppl dont go through in a lifetime but im here and i dont want my life to be a tragic event....be strong and always here to chat!!!

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Fighterforlife

Thank you Twilightzone. Your positivity is definitely refreshing. I'm glad someone else is going through this new process with me.

5 minutes ago, Twilightzone said:

Hello...i am new here as well and i just found out a few days ago...im in a similiar situation...i slept with an old partner after years of seperation and now i have Hsv-2...im just crushed...but i refuse to let this cripple my life...i know its going to take me a long time to try and be ok with this but im going to try...i guess i cant offer you much advice because im in ur shoes right now but what i will say is being alive is a beautiful thing and though having this is shitty lets just try and do the best we can to just simply enjoy the gift of life...my life is far from perfect i have been through things ppl dont go through in a lifetime but im here and i dont want my life to be a tragic event....be strong and always here to chat!!!

 

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Disc0rdant
26 minutes ago, Fighterforlife said:

Hi everyone,

I just found out yesterday that I have type 2 herpes. I've been in monogamous relationships, with the most recent one being 3 years. I had a drunken night (first time since the breakup) and had unprotected sex. Symptoms showed up immediately after and here we are now. One night, one mistake, changed my whole life.

I cried at the doctors office and have been feeling ashamed, sad, and depressed. Thank god i have a close group of friends and family who have been extremely supportive. However, no matter how many times they try to tell me "it's going to be alright", I can't somehow be convinced.

Can some of you guys tell me some experiences with living with herpes? I'm finally happy from my breakup and ready to be in the casual dating scene, but this happened. I've read up on some facts of herpes and that it is manageable and livable. However, I don't believe i can ever go back into the dating scene because this changes everything...no more passionate flings, no more causal dating and now i have to disclose to my future love interests something i don't think I will even have the guts to do.

I also have anxiety (take daily medication for it) and have a stressful job, and I know that stress is the number one trigger for an outbreak.

I'm also torn with telling the guy I had sex with that he gave it to me. I'm just scared he will deny it and tell everyone this secret.

Any advice, stories, suggestions would greatly help. I've been so depressed and sad, I would love to hear stories and advice from people going through the same thing as me.

 

I have some advice.  Take great care of yourself.  I have no idea how you feel.  Wishing you the best.

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Sansa218

Hi Fighter,

I just wrote you a long response and it got deleted somehow.  I've had hsv-2 for over 10 years, and I understand the feelings of recrimination and regret for your one mistake.  It just happened, it's a virus, and you were behaving like any normal person.    It sucks to have a permanent reminder, but you will find it is manageable and that you can date again.  I got my hsv-2 from a boyfriend.  Not too long after, I reconnected with a FWB and tearfully told him I could never have sex again.  Despite being a very uptight and regimented guy, he consoled me, told me it was OK, and that I was over-reacting.  As long as I and (we) were careful, there was no reason why we couldn't resume having sex.   He was right, and I've gone on to disclose to 2 other men and they have not rejected me.  Sometimes you might get rejected, but there is a lot of advice on here to help prevent that from happening.  And if you do get rejected, you feel a little bad, but you move on, just as if it was any other reason that comes up for not continuing to date someone.  Try not to be too hard on yourself.  You will go through a range of emotions for awhile, but I encourage you to read a lot of the posts here....it will show you that you are not alone, and will help you adjust.  Best wishes.

 

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WilsoInAus

@Fighterforlife how have you been diagnosed with herpes? Have you had a swab or blood test come back positive?

Was their oral sex involved in the episode in question? It can be very worthwhile making sure that type is ascertained correctly with the swab test (genital herpes can be HSV-1 or HSV-2).

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Lisajd

I think it's important to understand that we all go through the process that you are going through now at at the moment it's kind of like the stages of grieving.   What I found really helpful was to tell other people what you have done because that helps you realise that it's not such a big bad scary secrets like we all seem to think and to to really educate yourself about your virus because then you can work it managing your outbreaks and also know what you need to do in terms of disclosing risks and precautions.  Biggest thing that most people worry about is the stigma and I know that differs in various countries but I personally don't take any notice of it because I know that a lot of those people who make jokes and judge you I really just uneducated and probably judgemental about a whole heap of things so as far as I'm concerned I don't ever want to know those sorts of people.

I have to live my life being grateful for what I do have and realising that it could be worse than herpes and it won't kill me and there are worse of people in the world than me.  I think with anything you need to put things into perspective and also just understand that adjusting just take time so don't expect that you going to feel better overnight but you do have to work on challenging the negative thoughts.  

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