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alcapa8911

My partner and I are anxiously waiting for my test results to come back. Although we're still holding onto a little bit of hope, we both know that this is herpes - what else could it be really?

When I was in the stirrups, the doctor said to me, "herpes is just one of those things you learn to recognize." It really felt like my life was over - at least parts of it.

My mind went in a million directions - did I give this to my partner? Did he give it to me? Is he ever going to look at me the same? Will anyone want to have sex with me again? All very selfish thoughts, I know. 

Walking past people on the street is weird now. Everyone I see, I think, they probably don't have herpes.

I'm just scared. And I'm not sure how to move forward or even where to begin.

Thank you for reading.

 

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ConfusedandHurt

The waiting game is horrible mentally. Even though I feel like you're prepared it's different when the doctor confirms it. You're going to grieve, maybe even feel alone. But this site has been helpful. Everything you said I've felt the same way. I would feel like a leper and wonder could people tell. But time does make it better. Some days are better than others. If it comes back positive, allow yourself to cry, read up on it, find support, and stay strong. I wish you all the best. 

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Lisajd

We have all felt the same way in the beginning and it does take time to adjust to the fact.  Given that one in six have herpes looking at people on the street it would be more likely that someone would have it than not have it.  It's important to put it into perspective because it's just a cold sore but down below and you only think the way you do about yourself is because of the stigma and in my opinion anyone who puts you down or judge's you because you have genital herpes is because they are uneducated and will probably be judgemental about many things.  Personally I wouldn't want those people in my life.   Whether you gave it to him or  he's giving it to you or you had it before you even got together really isn't important because obviously neither of you knew and it shouldn't change the way you feel about each other.   It would be important to get your boyfriend tested so that you can understand what that means for you going forward and whether you have to take any precautions.  

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alcapa8911

Thank you both for your responses. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that there's a whole community here of supportive and kind and understanding people.

The doctor called today - positive for hsv2. I will be going in tomorrow to discuss next steps and long-term care.

The next thing I have to do is tell my partner that my test results came back positive.

I hope he understands and can stick by me. But if he doesn't, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

How can I get him to look past the h stigma?

Thank you.

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Free73

It's not about getting him to look past the stigma, it's about looking at what he has in front of him. If he loves you and that is not enough for him, then it wasn't meant to be.

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alcapa8911

Thank you Free. You're absolutely right - and deep down I know that I shouldn't/couldn't be with anyone that cannot see me past this virus.

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Lisajd

You cant control the outcome so what will be will be.  But again has he been tested for h at all prior to you.  If not it would be premature to end it without him knowing his own status

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alcapa8911

Lisa - I'm honestly not sure if he had been tested previously to me. We had a long discussion when I first came back from the doctor and he seemed to be very supportive. My immediate response was that this was my fault and that I had exposed him (after doing my research and talking to people on this site, my thoughts have changed). He told me this was no ones fault and that we were not going to play the blame game. He's been by my side since. The next thing that he needs to do is get tested. Although, it is kind of scary that the blood tests aren't always 100% accurate. This happened to me actually - I've been tested for hsv (and other STDs) twice this year and both blood tests came back negative.

Thank you for your support!! It is much appreciated.

 

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Lisajd

Good luck.  Its possible he may have passed it to you?  But he sounds like a good guy.  

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alcapa8911

Exactly, Lisa. That was exactly my thought and his thought. Neither of us ever experienced any symptoms, which is why we're not playing the blame game.

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Lisajd

And it does make it really hard if one person passes it to another person and never knew they had it but at least you two are doing the right thing and being mature about it.  I believe that the guy that gave it to me either doesn't know he has it or is just a liar but I can't change what happened so I'm just getting on with it because it's not something that really have to have a massive impact on your life as far as I'm concerned anyway

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