So here’s my situation.
I was dating this guy for a few months, and we broke up about a month and a half ago. About two weeks ago, he messaged me and told me he missed sleeping next to me. We got together and hung out, and ended up having sex. 4 days later, i started having symptoms of what I thought was a yeast infection(Itching and soreness). I didn’t feel like going to the store for monistat, and read online you could use vinegar... so that’s what I did. It burned, but I thought that meant it was working. The next day, I had sores everywhere! (I thought it was a chemical burn from using the vinegar) I was in terrible pain, so i made an appointment with my gyno. As soon as she got down there, she told me I had herpes. She did a swab, and also ran PCR IGG and IGM blood work. My swab came back positive for HSV2, but BOTH my IGM and IGG were negative. She said that was because my infection was so new, that my body didn’t even have time to build up the IGM immunity yet, and definitely didn’t have time to build up IGG. I also had a fever all week, and ached like I had been hit by a truck. She told me that I was having a severe outbreak, which is textbook for an initial outbreak from HSV2.
just in case there was any way my blood cane back as a false negative, I contacted the only other partner I’ve had in the last 6 months. He and I had only had sex 1 time, and it was with a condom, but he still went and got tested. His DNA blood tests also cane back negative.
with all of this being said, I have proof, without any reasonable doubt, that I got this from my recent ex... and now I have to figure out how to tell him.
Im assuming he slept with someone when we broke up, and that’s where he got it... otherwise I think I would have acquired it before now. either way, I don’t want to sound accusatory. I just want to let him know that he for sure gave it to me, but in a nice way.
My idea was to make plans with him for a pizza night Friday night.
In the mean time, I was going to ask my doctor for a copy of my results, and see if she would be willing to type something up that explains my results in Leaman’s terms (since he won’t understand that IGG negative IGM negative, HSV swab positive means that I without a doubt very recently accuired this infection). That way he doesn’t have to trust my interpretation of the results, and he can read it for fact coming from a doctor.
I thought maybe while we were hanging out, I could tell him I want to talk to him about something.... hand him my results, and tell him that I havnt been with anyone else in over six months.... maybe explain that I was mad at first, but that i don’t think he gave it to me purposely. Say “what’s done is done, and I can’t change it, so I can’t stay mad.....but I figured that you needed to know so you don’t give it to anyone else”
what are are your thoughts?
HSV. Everyone's favorite topic! If you read my other piece, you know about my struggle with Viral Meningitis. But now I get to share with you (because it was just shared with me) how I got it. As if I wasn’t already depressed, hurt, and confused, here comes the nurse from the hospital calling to tell me that one of the possible causes of Viral Meningitis is the Herpes Simplex Virus and they tested me for it when I was there. Surprise! I have the Herpes Simplex Virus type 2, or as I like to put it, Genital Herpes. I cried almost as loud as I did the day I got the severe headache from the Meningitis. I immediately thought, I am 21 years old and my life is over. I thought about all the cons, no more dating, the difficulties having children without infecting them, dating rejection, my friends judging me, having to worry about infecting people around me, every possible negative thought came rushing at me all at once. I can not believe this is happening to me.
I had to mourn the death of the person I once was for a few days of course, but after coming to, I realized that although it is not curable, this is not a death sentence. I thought let me learn a little more about this before I just shut out the world and everyone in it. I found that 1 out of 6 people have HSV. So if you know more than 6 people, one of them most likely has some form of HSV. Some people know, some people don't, but they do. So yeah that is A LOT of the population. Some people get symptoms like itching, burning, and bumps on their genitals sometimes and some people can go years without having one single outbreak. There are Antiviral medications and even suppressive treatments to help lessen the outbreaks. To prevent the spread of the infection you can:
getting regular STI tests and ensuring sexual partners also get tested regularly
reducing the number of sexual partners
being in a long-term monogamous relationship with an uninfected person
avoiding sexual activity during outbreaks of the herpes virus
using anti-herpes medication daily if one partner has the herpes virus
abstaining from sexual activity
The best thing to do if you find out you have HSV is to contact your doctor so they can answer all of your questions and help you find the best option for treating the infection.
On another note, I felt like although I could treat it to minimize outbreaks, dating is going to be a nightmare from now on. I thought, who would want to be with someone with Herpes, one of the scariest STIs out there. I immediately thought ok, well what if I find someone with herpes like me to date, I could possibly find a guy that way. I mean, who could turn away someone with the same condition as them? This notion, I soon found out was a problem. I signed up for a HSV dating site and I realized that I was scared to share too many details about myself and even post a picture of myself. I noticed that I was scared to reveal that I had herpes even on a HSV dating site. Odd, I know. I was struggling accepting my truth.
I went on to search for forums, discussion boards, etc (as I did when I found out I had Meningitis). I was searching for people my age with HSV who were struggling in the LOVE department. I found them. I could not help but fully relate to every single person on the discussion board. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. One blogger expressed how she would never sign up for a HSV dating site, as it can influence people who carry the virus to conform to only talking to or being with others who have it which is crazy. She opened my eyes to understand that we are all people and should not live under the stigma that Herpes is this big scary monster thing and we have to alienate ourselves from the rest of society. After all HSV is really just a few outbreaks of uncomfortable bumps and itching. It's not to say you shouldn't be careful with your health, it is just that the stigma behind Herpes is that it's a death sentence and its not.
The posts made me laugh and informed me of so much. People my age, in college just like me, everywhere, going through the same exact thing. One girl and guy on the board went on to say don't be afraid to disclose that you have the virus to people. The girl told about 50 guys and had only been rejected by about 5 of them or so. She had been in 7 relationships post HSV. A guy said the girl he met had it and he didn't really care and slept with her. All of this was good news to me, not because I just HAVE to be in a relationship or have sex, but to know that I don't have to restrict myself to find love or be ashamed of myself for my condition. I also learned to ditch the stigma because its not as bad as anyone thinks and is easily contracted. Anyone can get it and not even know it.
I don't know if I am quite as ready as these folks to be as open as they are with HSV, but I can say that I had a huge sigh of relief that I can be if I choose to. Tip of the day is to not be afraid of rejection. Not everyone will reject you.Take a chance, try it, disclose to someone and be positive about it, because you won't know the outcome until you try!
These are the two websites I went to to research: The first is the forum from the people’s stories that I used in my entry. The other is an article. I hope you find these as helpful as I did.
The Overblown Stigma of Genital Herpes - The Atlantic
Hello my name is Tommy,
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years. At the beginning of our relationship everything was going well and we clicked as a couple, until I made the worst possible decision of my life in December 2016. I slept with another woman, unprotected, in which i contracted genital herpes HSV-2 from my one and only sexual encounter with this woman. I deserved it as a punishment for what I had done and felt as if I should even die for what I did. I then had sex with my girlfriend the following January of 2017, in which she contracted genital herpes. She was in hospital and the first break out was very severe. This was the worst moment in my life and will be until I die.
To top it off, after this tragedy in January 2017, the same month i slept with another woman and another throughout the year (not continously). I don't understand how i could be so evil as my girlfriend was still recovering from contracting herpes from me, yet i gave her more emotional heart break. ever since then the relationship has been broken and we fight and violently argue as I have no idea what to do to make this better and she feels 'stuck' with me. she feels like i ruined her life and she is right. I cannot rectify this or cure herpes and this is what is leading me to suicide as my intention in life was never to ruin somebody elses life, but I have. My girlfriend is an admirable woman who has stuck by me through a lot of the bullshit, however I feel like she hates me now as she feels she could have had a much less traumatic experience with any other man and that she is stuck with me as she cannot tell anyone about having herpes due to the societal shame that it brings and how society teaches us to think.
My Girlfriend hates me and she wants me to 'fix' the situation but i have no idea what to do as it always comes down to her asking me "well can you take this away from me?"
I am using multiple forums to try and get opinions from people with Herpes as I am close to killing myself as i feel i have basically committed a sin which is the same as murder and created a monster inside my girlfriend. The relationship cannot be left behind as we do have feelings for eachother but the herpes problem causes violent fights involving police (one occasion) and destruction of goods.
I have no idea what to do and feel like death is the only answer, i often ask her to kill me or get people to kill me as i feel so lost and powerless and possible like the worst person on the planet, as well as feeling alone as i cannot tell any of my friends about this, none of them know what i have or why my relationship is so unhealthy. I am alone in this world and my girlfriend feels like that also, however i feel alone as well but because i caused the whole situation and gave her herpes any feelings of depression or alienation that i have a null and void because i am the 'bad guy' in the relationship. I am the 'joker' in the batman hypothetically speaking.
I want to die as i have no idea what to do. This is the most complicated situation in my life and there is no way to solve it, no answer, no path, no God that can take this away from me and no cure for herpes.
What do you advise I do to rebuild the relationship and at least TRY to live a life without having to commit suicide?
Some background before I explain- I have not been formally diagnosed with herpes but I do get cold sores. It's been at least 2 years since my last one and since my life is very fast paced it's always the last thing on my mind. So when I got into my current relationship I had totally forgotten that I actually get them. My current issue is that I didn't realize I was getting a cold sore because I recently changed acne treatments and disregarded the tingling sensation as a reaction. I gave my boyfriend oral sex and that night after work saw what has now become a sore. I was up till midnight looking up all the research I could and type 1 can effect genitalia. So long story short I probably gave it to him and I feel like crap to the point where I think he should breakup with me. And he thought it was curable(he grew up in a bubble) which makes me feel even worse. I know it's not the worst STD out there which is putting my mind at rest a tiny bit but I still feel like a terrible person and a walking plague sack.
Hello I am new to this site and need advice. I am with someone that doesn't have herpes we are using the necessary precaution when having sex. We have been together for over two years and I enjoy having sex but my boyfriend not so much because we are using a condom. I and afraid that he will eventually not want to have sex anymore. Is anyone else in a relationship with someone that doesn't have herpes?
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