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I got rejected


DrearyDaysAhead

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Ugh, it hurts! 

 

Just when I was starting to feel like having H isn't really that big of a deal, I told this guy who I wanted to have a one night stand with and, not only did he reject me, he blocked me too! Why did he have to be so dramatic? It's not like I was going to push the issue. 

 

It really makes you feel like toxic crap.

 

So far I've told 6 men, and this is my first rejection. 2 of those men I thought rejected me, because they didn't talk to me for a while, but they came back and decided it was worth the risk.

I hope this guy comes back but I really doubt it cause we never even met in person & I've never been blocked before. He blocked me on POF!  The land of diseases!

It's sad that people sleep around with dozens (or even hundreds) of people and live blissfully in ignorance but I am honest and get rejected in the worst way.  

I feel like a toxic piece of worthless crap and wish I didn't have to disclose ever again. 

Edited by DrearyDaysAhead
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If all you wanted was a one night stand.....why get so upset?  It's just an excuse like any other excuse.  I suggest forgetting all about it.  There's no reason to let one immature loser destroy your self image. 

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Cause I have issues!  :|

 I am ONLY attracted to unavailable  men...who will reject me! 

 I can only feel "alive" and excited when faced with the challenge of an unavailable man who will reject/hurt me. I thrive off of hoping that I can make them want me. 

I know it's sick & stupid but it is not something that I can just turn off like a light switch. 

It goes back to my childhood. I also have anhedonia so not much else but pain gives me any emotions. 

 

I know, I know....therapy. I can't go to any more therapy and I am never ever going on any kind if pharmaceuticals so I'm just stuck with this horrible feeling for now. 

 

Thanks for listening/reading, if you did. I just feel like crap right now and need to let it out somewhere.

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I suspect you feel like toxic crap regardless of whether this guy rejected you or not. All he did was confirm your own opinion of yourself (which is why you date emotionally unavailable men) and that's why it feels so shitty. I agree you can't turn it off like a light switch, but it will only lead to more heartbreak over and over, but again, you already know that. I was the same, 20 years of dating unavailable women and contracting herpes gave me an opportunity to really look at myself and start working on a lot of shit. I dont want to date women who are assclowns anymore, but to do that i needed to stop being an assclown

Edited by Free73
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