Can't Cope after 6 years... plz help!

[Suzan]

Hi everyone,

 

I wish you could help me to relieve a little bit from constant thinking about my HSV2 infection and my depression. I contracted HSV2 6 years ago in an abusive relationship that started with loads of lies and non-consensual sex! And he was my first experience. Even to this date, I am in complete denial and just can't accept it! I keep talking to myself in my head that you are fine, you are normal as anybody else, you are not damaged, you are not dirty... but it doesn't work! Another voice in my head keeps reminding me that I am not the same person no matter how hard I try. And I feel different... Since this disease, I haven't laughed from the bottom of my heart and I never felt truely happy. 

What is worse now, I have severe health anxiety after contracting herpes. I am constantly on the web reading about all the complications...Nowdays, I just became aware of viral menigitis due to herpes that can be recurrent! That it can damage the brain and cause mental disability. I feel so scared that I just want to die. I am a graduate student in a demanding field and I can't just cope with all the stress, anxiety, and depression that I am going through. I start crying anytime and anywhere when I am occupied with these thoughts. 

I wish I could hear from some of you that you have a happy and healthy life....I need some hope...I feel very desparate!

[LetItGo]

Hi Suzan

I am a 22 year old college student and was diagnosed with HSV 2 about 3 weeks ago. To say the least it left me in complete shock and utterly depressed. I was able to confide in my mother and best friend and they truly helped me get through it. But they just didn't get it.. they just didn't understand because they didn't feel the pain and emotions and the questions I had in my head. I was able to find this website and after exploring and chatting and asking questions I was able to realize this isn't the end of the world. Though my first OB felt like it.. its not because the pain heals and it gets better. I know it's weird hearing from someone thats only had this for a couple weeks, how I might be uneducated but the most important thing is to stay positive.

I just want you to know you are not alone. Don't always think of the worst.. you are a beautiful person and brave to put your feelings out here. A lot of people here are very positive, helpful, and healthy! Hope you feel better soon!

Edited November 22, 2016 by ItsTheClimb

[SureWhyNot]

Hello Ladies. There is a protocol you can do for yourself to help with the stress around this, and every aspect that causes your pain.

EFT  Emotional Freedom Technique. Lots on the www 

I can speak from experience this is a very effective tool when times get tough. It simply involves tapping while thinking/speaking to yourself. Say the negative that is affecting you and find a positive to negate it. It may take many statements that are bothering you and may be hard to find a positive but keep at it. You will find yourself calming until you find the positive that will release the stress around the situation.

I tap my index finger to my thumb, easy to do anywhere any time needed. I did not believe it worked either until I had to keep myself together in an overly stressful situation and I had nothing to lose by trying. Turns out, it worked. Everything is worth a try and I have dealt with this for 36yrs and have learned a lot along the way to help myself. If I have learned anything that would help I am happy to share.

[Lisajd]

I suffered anorexia for a long time and i was in this constant state of negative thinking. I have heard meditation can be helpful. You have to believe all the positive things you say to yourself and when you have been in a negative mindset for so long it becomes a habit.  I dont know hsv2 can cause serious issues as hsv1 does.  Try some natural remedies to calm you down. 

[Seeker1960]

Suzan, I can relate to some of what you said. The part about really laughing. I used to be happy and I loved to laugh. I feel i will never be as happy as before but I have to try. Taking it one day at a time.

I dont believe you have to worry about the severe complications. You have had it for a while and you have built up some antibodies

[Suzan]

53 minutes ago, SureWhyNot said:

Hello Ladies. There is a protocol you can do for yourself to help with the stress around this, and every aspect that causes your pain.

EFT  Emotional Freedom Technique. Lots on the www 

I can speak from experience this is a very effective tool when times get tough. It simply involves tapping while thinking/speaking to yourself. Say the negative that is affecting you and find a positive to negate it. It may take many statements that are bothering you and may be hard to find a positive but keep at it. You will find yourself calming until you find the positive that will release the stress around the situation.

I tap my index finger to my thumb, easy to do anywhere any time needed. I did not believe it worked either until I had to keep myself together in an overly stressful situation and I had nothing to lose by trying. Turns out, it worked. Everything is worth a try and I have dealt with this for 36yrs and have learned a lot along the way to help myself. If I have learned anything that would help I am happy to share.

 

Thank you so much for your suggestion. I will definitely try it. 

[Suzan]

Thanks  everyone for your comforting words. I hope we all see a theraputic/preventive vaccine in near future. That is the only hope I have in life! I wish we could have been taken more seriously. This is not a simple skin condition. To all the big medical establishment, if a disease doesn't kill you, it is not a serious condition and a treatment is a pill that masks your pain but doesn't get to the root! Ridiculous!

[Lisajd]

@Suzanunderstand it has changed your life but remember most people live okay with it.  Its the mental aspect that has affected you and only you can change that.  

[Meade1981]

@Suzan stop stressing :-)  I was diagnosed a week ago. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am single so have pretty much kissed my sex life goodbye at 35 years of age. I can't let that bother me. There are far more important things in life. I also contracted HPV fifteen years ago. I was 21 and I let it consume my life for about a year while I was going through treatment. Now that I have yet another sexually transmitted virus I know full well that it is not worth the tears and stress I put myself through at that time. I did panic back then due to the fact that HPV can cause cervical cancer. That is far more serious than  any herpes outbreak! I am mourning my sex life at the moment but I'll get over it!  Seriously though, laugh again, go out, have fun, forget about it for a while, give yourself a break, it's not the worst thing in the world. I look at the guy I work with who has cold sores on his lip and I say to myself, yep I have that but thank god i can hide it in my pants!!!! x

[SureWhyNot]

On 11/22/2016 at 6:56 PM, Suzan said:

I wish we could have been taken more seriously.

Please get this way of thinking out of your head. This is blaming others for an incredibly difficult virus to defeat. If it could have been cured before it would have!!! What purpose does blame serve you???

What if...you asked for this life and the experiences you will go through so that your soul can experience and grow in the way it wants to???? That would make you the Only person who is at fault. Everything in our life is how we look at it and what we learn from our experiences, good and bad. We know this virus is bad in our bodies, and no I am not saying I am glad I got this so I could learn there are easier ways, but it is what it is! You can let it make you into the person you do or do not want to be. Your choice again! 

You haven't resolved the pain and guilt around your first experience and why you chose that person who gave you this virus! They are attached to each other so you are getting double torture.

I now realize, when I was very young, I chose one of my guys out of a need to further my abuse of self because I felt I was a worthless, unattractive person with nothing to offer. He was good enough to provide me with every nasty thing life could offer and toss in a heaping helping of physical abuse because I had grown accustomed to mental abuse from family. I felt strong because I could take it and not back down. WTF was I thinking??? Once I felt punished enough I saw him for what he was and moved on to yet another experience that was not fulfilling.  This was before HSV, the final insult I allowed myself. I take responsibility for it because I went out the door that night when every cell in my body was screaming at me not to go out! These experiences make me shake my head with shame and question my sanity but I was a different person then. I have learned to thank and appreciate myself and that these lessons have made me into a more compassionate, understanding person. One my soul will be proud of because of this growth.  I read self guidance spiritual books because my life turned upside down about 10yrs ago and nothing made sense. I spent too many years spinning in stress and fear railing against my reality only to go deeper in. Once I owned it for what purpose it could serve me I began to see things from a better angle, possibilities. My life is still not perfectly together but I am in a place where I can see joy instead of sorrow. I can see up, not down. You do have it within your power to change your approach. You said it yourself, you are constantly looking for the worst of this virus. Things aren't bad enough you are trying to manifest it into something more? You can create the reality you are afraid of with your intense worry and focus. Spin that around to work for you, not against you.

[Chin up31]

On Tuesday, December 13, 2016 at 3:43 PM, Meade1981 said:

@Suzan stop stressing :-)  I was diagnosed a week ago. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am single so have pretty much kissed my sex life goodbye at 35 years of age. I can't let that bother me. There are far more important things in life. I also contracted HPV fifteen years ago. I was 21 and I let it consume my life for about a year while I was going through treatment. Now that I have yet another sexually transmitted virus I know full well that it is not worth the tears and stress I put myself through at that time. I did panic back then due to the fact that HPV can cause cervical cancer. That is far more serious than  any herpes outbreak! I am mourning my sex life at the moment but I'll get over it!  Seriously though, laugh again, go out, have fun, forget about it for a while, give yourself a break, it's not the worst thing in the world. I look at the guy I work with who has cold sores on his lip and I say to myself, yep I have that but thank god i can hide it in my pants!!!! x

Hey Meade no disrespect but i would trade places with the guy who gets it only on his lips for the main fact he can have sex without disclosure and dont have to worry about infecting a partner 

[Snoopirac]

hey chin up31, i contracted HSV 1 and 2 from oral sex.  He had a history of cold sores for 16 years, and at the time he didn't have an outbreak.  You must be careful with both genital and oral herpes.  They are both Herpes hun, you have to disclose it with both.  he did disclose it to me, but i'm gonna blame it on poor sex ed. I didn't know i could get it on my genitals especially without an outbreak.  will beat myself up for a while for not knowing that, but what is done is done, all i can do now is educate myself so that i can better protect myself and my partner in the future. 

Edited December 16, 2016 by Snoopirac

[Felix12]

3 hours ago, Chin up31 said:

Hey Meade no disrespect but i would trade places with the guy who gets it only on his lips for the main fact he can have sex without disclosure and dont have to worry about infecting a partner 

Hsv-1 accounts for nearly half of all genital herpes infection in recent years. Those with hsv-1 should absolutely disclose. Hsv-1 spreads to other parts of the body a lot easier than hsv-2, which rarely spreads outside of the "boxer shorts" zone. Hsv-1 can also cause blindness if it is spread to the eye. Hsv-2 has more of a stigma attached to it. But factually, it is no worse than hsv-1 by any stretch.

[cantdoit]

9 minutes ago, Felix12 said:

Hsv-1 accounts for nearly half of all genital herpes infection in recent years. Those with hsv-1 should absolutely disclose. Hsv-1 spreads to other parts of the body a lot easier than hsv-2, which rarely spreads outside of the "boxer shorts" zone. Hsv-1 can also cause blindness if it is spread to the eye. Hsv-2 has more of a stigma attached to it. But factually, it is no worse than hsv-1 by any stretch.

I would trade my hsv2 for your hsv1 in a minute. 

[Felix12]

Just now, cantdoit said:

I would trade my hsv2 for your hsv1 in a minute. 

I have hsv-2, not hsv-1. And I wouldn't trade my 2 for 1, if given the choice. But herpes is herpes. 

[cantdoit]

1 minute ago, Felix12 said:

I have hsv-2, not hsv-1. And I wouldn't trade my 2 for 1, if given the choice. But herpes is herpes. 

Your opinion. I would change with someone in a minute. 

[Chin up31]

16 hours ago, Felix12 said:

18 hours ago, Snoopirac said:

hey chin up31, i contracted HSV 1 and 2 from oral sex.  He had a history of cold sores for 16 years, and at the time he didn't have an outbreak.  You must be careful with both genital and oral herpes.  They are both Herpes hun, you have to disclose it with both.  he did disclose it to me, but i'm gonna blame it on poor sex ed. I didn't know i could get it on my genitals especially without an outbreak.  will beat myself up for a while for not knowing that, but what is done is done, all i can do now is educate myself so that i can better protect myself and my partner in the future. 

@Snoopirac and @Felix12 sorry i didnt fully go into detailed what i meant.i was trying to imply if i got cold sores on lips only and not on my genitals at least i wouldnt have to disclose bc i wouldn't be having oral sex with the female to chance infecting her,just straight dick in a vagina sorry for the language.

 

[Felix12]

56 minutes ago, Chin up31 said:

 

True, but making out often leads up to sex, and that could transmit. The irony to all of this is that 2/3 of the population have herpes and can transmit it even if no symptoms are showing, which is why it should be assumed that everyone has herpes.

[Chin up31]

1 hour ago, Felix12 said:

1 hour ago, Felix12 said:

True, but making out often leads up to sex, and that could transmit. The irony to all of this is that 2/3 of the population have herpes and can transmit it even if no symptoms are showing, which is why it should be assumed that everyone has herpes.

Understandable what u said,but the comment was if i only had it on lips on my face i wouldn't have to disclose about my dick bc technically i wouldn't have it on my dick

[Lisajd]

On Wednesday, December 14, 2016 at 7:43 AM, Meade1981 said:

@Suzan stop stressing :-)  I was diagnosed a week ago. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am single so have pretty much kissed my sex life goodbye at 35 years of age. I can't let that bother me. There are far more important things in life. I also contracted HPV fifteen years ago. I was 21 and I let it consume my life for about a year while I was going through treatment. Now that I have yet another sexually transmitted virus I know full well that it is not worth the tears and stress I put myself through at that time. I did panic back then due to the fact that HPV can cause cervical cancer. That is far more serious than  any herpes outbreak! I am mourning my sex life at the moment but I'll get over it!  Seriously though, laugh again, go out, have fun, forget about it for a while, give yourself a break, it's not the worst thing in the world. I look at the guy I work with who has cold sores on his lip and I say to myself, yep I have that but thank god i can hide it in my pants!!!! x

Good for you!  

[Lisajd]

On Saturday, December 17, 2016 at 7:35 AM, Chin up31 said:

Hey Meade no disrespect but i would trade places with the guy who gets it only on his lips for the main fact he can have sex without disclosure and dont have to worry about infecting a partner 

Actually that's not quite correct because the guy with herpes on his legs can also perform oral sex and pass it to genitals and also you can give it to somebody else through kissing so I just don't understand what that kind of comparison means

[Lisajd]

15 hours ago, Chin up31 said:

 

And you would actually refrain from kissing her so that you don't pass it to her mouth

[Free73]

Life is beautiful. None of us are disabled or going to die from it. Please don't let something as trivial as herpes stop you from enjoying so many great aspects of life

[Chin up31]

9 hours ago, Lisajd said:

Actually that's not quite correct because the guy with herpes on his legs can also perform oral sex and pass it to genitals and also you can give it to somebody else through kissing so I just don't understand what that kind of comparison means

You don't understand what i said bc your not reading the comment or the following comments after i wasn't talking about having herpes on leg or anywhere in the genital area just on the lips,to which i said clearly i WOULDN'T BE PERFORMING ORAL SEX TO CHANCE INFECTING A FEMALE GENITAL AREA.so i wouldn't have to disclose about genital herpes bc i wouldn't have genital herpes if only had it on lips.......what about that you dont understand 

 

[Chin up31]

9 hours ago, Lisajd said:

And you would actually refrain from kissing her so that you don't pass it to her mouth

Of course YES i would disclose that i have it on lips.and keep the kissing to a minimum,if she caught it by some chance also refrain her from giving me oral sex to further compound our problem by passing it to me genitally.and me passing back to her genitally bc i was infected from her giving me oral on my dick if that happen.that would be the smart and responsible thing to do.