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WorstPersonAlive

I think I infected him!

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WorstPersonAlive

How do I tell him? He doesn't deserve this! I didn't know I had a canker sore because I thought I just bit my cheek, I have a problem with always biting my cheek like a stress reliever, but after giving him oral sex I noticed my cheek was burning I looked inside and it was now a canker sore/herpes sore he was gone by the time I noticed. I went to my dentist for a check up and asked him about the sore he said not to worry it's not contagious. But then now he's been feeling a little tired and sometimes hot, yesterday his lower back was bothering him! These are the sign aren't they?! I'm freaking out and keep having anviety attacks. My doctor diagnosed me with herpes labias or something like that by looking at it only no swab back in June of this year. How do I tell him I might've given him herpes on his genitals? I never thought I had to tell him I've had it on my mouth since I've always thought it was normal in my family! I'm such an ignorant person and a horrible one I wish I could die!

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Sansa218

HI Worst - a canker sore is not the same thing as a cold sore.  You can easily google it and see pictures that clearly show the difference.  Inside of cheeks is usually a canker sore, which is caused by irritation or friction and is not contagious.

As for whether or ot you gave your BF herpes....what testing did you have in June?  Do you know if it was HSV1 (oral) or HSV2 (genital)?  Is your boyfriend a new partner, and I am assuming you did not dislose?  Have you had any obs since June?

 

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WilsoInAus

Hi and welcome to the website.

The first thing to note is that cold sores are common. Yes it is normal for a family to have just about all members carrying the virus. In fact it is so common that your your partner has HSV-1 already and therefore has no risk of further infection - risk gone!

From what you describe, I doubt an infection has occurred here.

Even if there is a future risk, does it matter that you and he do not understand it fully, because like most risks, you simply can't. We know things happen. You can be in a car crash, hit by a bus when you cross the street or hit by a coconut when holidaying in a warm climate. Does this mean we think about these things daily? No, we drive, we cross the street and we holiday just observing sensible things that keep us safe, but there's still a chance something will sadly go wrong.

It is the same with herpes. Does you partner not want oral sex? Of course he does. What is the sensible thing to do to keep him 'safe'? No oral sex if you have reason to believe you have an outbreak or about to have one. Do this subconsciously, like waiting for green man show then crossing the street.

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WorstPersonAlive

I can't help but feel horrible still, what if he's never been infected and now he's going to go through some horrible pain? I don't care if he dumps me even though I love him I just hate the thought of him thinking I ruined his life. I don't know if I'm making sense I just have so many thoughts going through my head. Most of all guilt.

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WorstPersonAlive

No she only said it was herpes on my lip no swabs no blood work. He is a new partner and I did not think I had to say anything about having s cold sore once before on my lip I've never had another ob on my lip but I get canker sores often. I had told my doctor about he canker sores in my mouth when she saw my lip and she said it's part of the virus.

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Sansa218

HI Worst - you have this post in several forums at the moment.  I suggest picking one so you can keep the information together.

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WorstPersonAlive

I'm sorry I'm new to this I've been needing answers I wasn't getting any responses.

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WilsoInAus

Not likely to be bad pain for a male. What is the alternative for him? There's a 75% chance that any partner will have oral HSV-1, it is always a risk for him essentially.

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Sansa218

I understand that you are anxious, Worst.  I responded to you within minutes of your initial post.  What you have posted for responses is not consistent in the different forums.  I am not judging you.  You will be best helped by putting all your information in one place so that people can best advise you.  Good luck.

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Lisajd

What you reallyought to do is actually go and get a blood test to confirm whether you have it or not so that you can know for sure and relieve this anxiety and blame that you're putting on yourself.  But as said above oral herpes is very common and ideally if you know you have it you should tell partner but also most s don't understand that giving oral sex can cause genital herpes.  Therefore in this instance you are not completely at fault and your partner should also understand risks going into sex as well

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WorstPersonAlive

If it wasn't because of this forum I honestly never knew it was something you should disclose to your partner, like I said it's something common in my family and I've never had someone tell me upfront they've had it. I did make an appointment for tomorrow to be checked for both hsv1 and hsv2 and to be honest I'm scared of getting the results even though i already know I have at least one of them.

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Disc0rdant

Good.  Once you get checked out you can be informed and make a decision based on that.

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Disc0rdant
20 hours ago, WorstPersonAlive said:

If it wasn't because of this forum I honestly never knew it was something you should disclose to your partner, like I said it's something common in my family and I've never had someone tell me upfront they've had it. I did make an appointment for tomorrow to be checked for both hsv1 and hsv2 and to be honest I'm scared of getting the results even though i already know I have at least one of them.

Well.  I will be curious and watching for your results...

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WorstPersonAlive
16 minutes ago, Disc0rdant said:

Well.  I will be curious and watching for your results...

I'm sorry to disappoint but I went to planned parenthood and they told me I have to have actual sores for them to swab and they don't do blood work. I don't have medical insurance, she told me I need to go to my doctor and have him do the test.

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Sansa218

You can go online, use Google and check out a couple of services which allow you to order your own testing.   You can order an STD panel, including a HerpesSelect test for HSV1 and HSV2. You can probably do a full panel for around $180-210.00.  You submit an order and then you are directed to the nearest lab facility (like Quest diagnostics), where they draw your blood. You can have then call you when results are complete, in my case, they emailed me each time a test was completed.  You can do it confidentially, pay by credit card, and no information goes to any insurance company, so you have privacy, which is good.

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    • RainyDay2
      My comment was about THE BLOOD TEST!  You’re 95-100% accuracy for it?  Garbage.  Pure garbage.  You might as well have pulled that number out of your ass. Google search HIV accuracy... almost every medical site will tell you 4th generation HIV testing is as close to 99.9% percent you can possibly get after a certain period of elapsed time.  They will pretty much GUARANTEE you that you are indeed negative if you have a negative test. That defined certainty of accuracy WILL NOT AND CAN NOT be found for HSV blood tests.  You get vague descriptions of it’s accuracy from almost every site you visit.  NO CERTAINTIES.  Thousands of us on these forums KNOW the test isn’t accurate. When your score is between 1.1 and 3.5, this could be a false positive.  Certain sites list almost 1 in 2 tests can be false positives.  50 fucking percent!! And you want me to believe the test is 95-100% accurate? How come so many sites also seem to dance around the possibility of false negatives?   All that isn’t necessary in HIV testing.  Because if YOU DO get a low positive, the confirmatory HIV test checks for the actual VIRUS in your system.   And there are almost NO FALSE NEGATIVES.    NO HSV BLOOD TEST CAN DO THAT! Not even the Western Blot.  At the end of the day, it’s just a more detailed look at antibodies.  And many sites will tell you a “small” number of people may never develop. How small are we talking???? That can be any number.   Trash. And again, a large margin of people with herpes DO NOT GET LESIONS to be swabbed.  Google tells you that.  If majority of herpes infected have nothing to swab,  well that pretty much makes PCRs and cultures worthless for the most part doesn’t it?  If there is nothing to swab after a year, in your words, you are clear of herpes. BULLSHIT! So Wilso, just stop it.  You have never done scientific testing in a lab yourself on herpes. You are not a doctor.  You are constantly telling people false information.  Assuring them of promises you have no authority to make.  I’ve seen you do it time and time again.  Do you have regrets???????????  Im tired of your lies.  
    • WilsoInAus
      @Talx2520 based on what you say, Im not sure the odds exceed 50/50 that you have genital herpes. If you take a random genital infection from vaginal sex then about 95% of the time it’s HSV-2. How long after the episode was the blood test?
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      Thanks for the response! My first suspected outbreak was definitely painful. Started with what felt like a UTI, then noticed what looked like ulcers starting 1.5 days after unprotected sex. Never scabbed over, but I had a horrible itch that lasted 2  weeks (didn't feel like yeast). Given my symptoms, I've pretty sure its genital herpes, but I mean it could have been some allergy (I had extremely rough intercourse in the middle of the wilderness, sorry if that is tmi lol and maybe naive of me to think it was a weird plant). Both my mom, sister, and grandma get coldsores and I feel like i've totally shared drinks with them even during their outbreaks. Can't remember if I ever had one though. I am not totally sure how I should go about disclosing in general. Should I mention I had a full panel and hsv-1 came up positive and that I am not sure where it is? I really wish I had just gotten it swabbed, but couldn't afford it without insurance at the time. I was under the impression that if it was herpes, it would come back and I could get it swabbed, but I realize now that with HSV-1 that isnt always the case. 
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