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WorstPersonAlive

I think I infected him!

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WorstPersonAlive

How do I tell him? He doesn't deserve this! I didn't know I had a canker sore because I thought I just bit my cheek, I have a problem with always biting my cheek like a stress reliever, but after giving him oral sex I noticed my cheek was burning I looked inside and it was now a canker sore/herpes sore he was gone by the time I noticed. I went to my dentist for a check up and asked him about the sore he said not to worry it's not contagious. But then now he's been feeling a little tired and sometimes hot, yesterday his lower back was bothering him! These are the sign aren't they?! I'm freaking out and keep having anviety attacks. My doctor diagnosed me with herpes labias or something like that by looking at it only no swab back in June of this year. How do I tell him I might've given him herpes on his genitals? I never thought I had to tell him I've had it on my mouth since I've always thought it was normal in my family! I'm such an ignorant person and a horrible one I wish I could die!

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Sansa218

HI Worst - a canker sore is not the same thing as a cold sore.  You can easily google it and see pictures that clearly show the difference.  Inside of cheeks is usually a canker sore, which is caused by irritation or friction and is not contagious.

As for whether or ot you gave your BF herpes....what testing did you have in June?  Do you know if it was HSV1 (oral) or HSV2 (genital)?  Is your boyfriend a new partner, and I am assuming you did not dislose?  Have you had any obs since June?

 

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WilsoInAus

Hi and welcome to the website.

The first thing to note is that cold sores are common. Yes it is normal for a family to have just about all members carrying the virus. In fact it is so common that your your partner has HSV-1 already and therefore has no risk of further infection - risk gone!

From what you describe, I doubt an infection has occurred here.

Even if there is a future risk, does it matter that you and he do not understand it fully, because like most risks, you simply can't. We know things happen. You can be in a car crash, hit by a bus when you cross the street or hit by a coconut when holidaying in a warm climate. Does this mean we think about these things daily? No, we drive, we cross the street and we holiday just observing sensible things that keep us safe, but there's still a chance something will sadly go wrong.

It is the same with herpes. Does you partner not want oral sex? Of course he does. What is the sensible thing to do to keep him 'safe'? No oral sex if you have reason to believe you have an outbreak or about to have one. Do this subconsciously, like waiting for green man show then crossing the street.

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WorstPersonAlive

I can't help but feel horrible still, what if he's never been infected and now he's going to go through some horrible pain? I don't care if he dumps me even though I love him I just hate the thought of him thinking I ruined his life. I don't know if I'm making sense I just have so many thoughts going through my head. Most of all guilt.

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WorstPersonAlive

No she only said it was herpes on my lip no swabs no blood work. He is a new partner and I did not think I had to say anything about having s cold sore once before on my lip I've never had another ob on my lip but I get canker sores often. I had told my doctor about he canker sores in my mouth when she saw my lip and she said it's part of the virus.

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Sansa218

HI Worst - you have this post in several forums at the moment.  I suggest picking one so you can keep the information together.

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WorstPersonAlive

I'm sorry I'm new to this I've been needing answers I wasn't getting any responses.

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WilsoInAus

Not likely to be bad pain for a male. What is the alternative for him? There's a 75% chance that any partner will have oral HSV-1, it is always a risk for him essentially.

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Sansa218

I understand that you are anxious, Worst.  I responded to you within minutes of your initial post.  What you have posted for responses is not consistent in the different forums.  I am not judging you.  You will be best helped by putting all your information in one place so that people can best advise you.  Good luck.

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Lisajd

What you reallyought to do is actually go and get a blood test to confirm whether you have it or not so that you can know for sure and relieve this anxiety and blame that you're putting on yourself.  But as said above oral herpes is very common and ideally if you know you have it you should tell partner but also most s don't understand that giving oral sex can cause genital herpes.  Therefore in this instance you are not completely at fault and your partner should also understand risks going into sex as well

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WorstPersonAlive

If it wasn't because of this forum I honestly never knew it was something you should disclose to your partner, like I said it's something common in my family and I've never had someone tell me upfront they've had it. I did make an appointment for tomorrow to be checked for both hsv1 and hsv2 and to be honest I'm scared of getting the results even though i already know I have at least one of them.

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Disc0rdant

Good.  Once you get checked out you can be informed and make a decision based on that.

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Disc0rdant
20 hours ago, WorstPersonAlive said:

If it wasn't because of this forum I honestly never knew it was something you should disclose to your partner, like I said it's something common in my family and I've never had someone tell me upfront they've had it. I did make an appointment for tomorrow to be checked for both hsv1 and hsv2 and to be honest I'm scared of getting the results even though i already know I have at least one of them.

Well.  I will be curious and watching for your results...

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WorstPersonAlive
16 minutes ago, Disc0rdant said:

Well.  I will be curious and watching for your results...

I'm sorry to disappoint but I went to planned parenthood and they told me I have to have actual sores for them to swab and they don't do blood work. I don't have medical insurance, she told me I need to go to my doctor and have him do the test.

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Sansa218

You can go online, use Google and check out a couple of services which allow you to order your own testing.   You can order an STD panel, including a HerpesSelect test for HSV1 and HSV2. You can probably do a full panel for around $180-210.00.  You submit an order and then you are directed to the nearest lab facility (like Quest diagnostics), where they draw your blood. You can have then call you when results are complete, in my case, they emailed me each time a test was completed.  You can do it confidentially, pay by credit card, and no information goes to any insurance company, so you have privacy, which is good.

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