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I find myself sad often. Sad because I have it and sad because it seems like I'll live alone with it forever. I find myself selling myself short because I shouldn't expect a man to "settle" with a woman that's has this. 

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Hi Loveleeme,

I am sorry you are a bit sad. First and foremost the vast majority of the population has some form of H so you are in good company :)

H should not stop you unless you allow it. There are ways to prevent transmission if that is your concern. If some one does turns you down because it then its their loss and ignorance.   Besides even if its a negative in your mind look at all the other positive things you have to offer. Don't settle. 

Good Luck,


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I've mentioned this before in another thread, that years ago, long before I caught hsv2, I knew a woman who had it.  I had a desire to be with her anyway. I didn't because I was dating a friend of hers at the time...but I fantasied about being with her. Just holding her while she pleasured herself...and doing other things like that. This was before I knew that it is possible to have a sexual relationship with someone who has it, without protection even, and still not catch it. You do not need to be alone forever. Lots of people on here have relationships with someone who tests negative, who is into them enough to take the risk.

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Yes, it is possible. I had a relationship for a few months where we used no protection. I wore a condom if I felt tingling, avoided sex during OB's and used coconut oil as lube the rest of the time. It has antiviral properties.



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On Friday, November 25, 2016 at 8:24 PM, Loveleeme said:

I find myself sad often. Sad because I have it and sad because it seems like I'll live alone with it forever. I find myself selling myself short because I shouldn't expect a man to "settle" with a woman that's has this. 

I feel the same way...

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On Saturday, November 26, 2016 at 1:24 PM, Loveleeme said:

find myself selling myself short because I shouldn't expect a man to "settle" with a woman that's has this. 

Why should you not expect a man to settle with you just because you have herpes.  As you all know it is a very common virus so there is no reason why you can't be with someone.  But if you have that in your mind that you won't meet someone then you won't.   I thought that I would never meet anybody and I've met quite a few men who were quite ok with it and I've seen a lot of other people disclose with success.  Your problem is what you tell yourself not the reality.  I always say don't assume how another person will respond because you don't know their own situation or how they feel about it so give yourself a break and get out there and give it a go because until you give it a go you can't say that you will always be alone.

On Saturday, November 26, 2016 at 3:21 PM, herpinator mgoo said:

I like this one too.  Simple to understand

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  • 2 months later...

I feel the same way I really need advice and conversation with someone else who has it it is my deepest darkest secret no one knows I'm sad all the time I feel so alone and worse I have a partner I haven't disclosed to she has hsv1 she told me and I have hsv2 I haven't told her we have had oral sex and she hasn't had any outbreaks and doesn't have it on her genitals we have had no skin to skin contact I'm just depressed and scared of losing her and the life we are building because I have this if anyone reads this please inbox hmu somehow I really need someone 

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Hi @Help me 2016. That's a tough situation. Only you can decide what you're going to do. But there are some things to consider in how you proceed, now and in future relationships.

I was diagnosed with hsv2 when I was 24. I've had it over 20 years now. I just want to take a minute to address the fear and isolation that hsv so easily can bring into our lives. In my experience fairness is not a thing that enters into hsv. ANYONE can get it. It's one of the most common viruses that affect human beings. And other mammals too for that matter. (the strains won't cross species lines - totally separate) I feel like the stygma is a big pharma manufactured scam designed to make people hate themselves so we will buy their antiviral meds. It's bs. Your life experience is yours. Own it. Hold your head up high. Never let ANYONE make you feel ashamed or dirty or less than worthy of love. You are still every bit a normal person. I know this is not easy. I'm not minimizing any of what you feel right now. You are not alone in it. Pretty much everybody here either has gone through it or is in it now. But feelings are just that, feelings. You can take a step back from them and really examine them. 

Ask yourself questions like

"Is this rational?"

'Would I make a friend make themselves feel this way or would I be more gentle with them than I am being with myself?"

"Is this an attitude that is going to serve my life and the lives of those I care for well?"

"Is this the only way I can feel about this situation?"

"How can I begin to shift my attitude into something more positive?"

For myself, I can tell you that I do MUCH better when I choose to live in the light and be real about who I am with the people I am close to. I think if you care about this woman and feel that she is worthy of the privilege of receiving those feelings from you, you will begin to see that she is worthy of your honesty too. I also think it's going to eat away at you and drive a wedge between you two if you don't share this information with her. It's dehumanizing to live in that kind of fear. I think you deserve better. 

I've disclosed 8 times. 6 of them didn't bat an eye! 2 were friends who just wanted a one time thing. They were both super nice about it and we are still friends. I've never had anyone I've disclosed to make me feel bad about it. That was something ONLY I DID TO ME. That's important. It's a lesson in kindness and self love. That's not to say everyone here has never had a negative experience disclosing. It does happen sometimes. But there is a great post on "How I Give The Talk". Check it out. 

You can pm me if you want to. Sending you lots of love.


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  • 2 weeks later...
On ‎11‎/‎25‎/‎2016 at 9:24 PM, Loveleeme said:

I find myself sad often. Sad because I have it and sad because it seems like I'll live alone with it forever. I find myself selling myself short because I shouldn't expect a man to "settle" with a woman that's has this. 

I feel the exact same way

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