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Disclosing after sex (HSV1 oral)


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Sigh where do I even begin? I was diagnosed with oral herpes (HSV1) after a long time bf went down on me (with no symptoms). We broke up years later for other reasons. But since then dating has been a nightmare. I can't shake my own internalized stigma about everything and the feeling of shame like my sex life will be ruined forever and no one will ever want me. It truly makes me feel sick with stress. I met someone new a couple of months ago and we've been hanging out consistently and developing feelings for one another. We've made out and such but last night we had sex for the first time (used protection). He tried to go down on me and I stopped him, thinking having sex with a condom was safer than oral, given my status.  I didn't have it in me to disclose when he asked me why I stopped him from oral later that night. And the thought of disclosing and the fact that I didn't is weighing heavily on me now. I genuinely care for this person and the fear of him rejecting me is making me sick and I know I've been selfish. My question now is how do I disclose after the fact? We used condoms and my GYNO has said using condoms already helps a ton. She insists it's not a big deal, but I can't shake the feeling that it is? What do I say? "I didn't let you go down on me the other night/ I didn't go down on you because I've had a cold sore (aka oral herpes) and I wanted us to talk about that first" "it's not a big deal as 80%_90% of people have had a cold sore once in their life, I just wanted to let you know before engaging in oral sex. I haven't had a coldsore in months and that was my only one, but I just wanted to let you know I have had one - even though I don't right now" is that okayyyy? HELP

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Honestly.  That is exactly what you should say.  Then both get tested.  Protect you.  Protect him.  There is a 60-80% chance he has it.  Even if he doesn't, 60-80% of the girls he may kiss have it.  That is how I explained it to my ex who was negative for everything.  Then tell him how you will protect him(if you notice sonething down yonder, no sex till it clears plus a couple days.

She still let me please her down there....

We were careful(but she was a tiny bit paranoid)  

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Well for one you don't have oral herpes. You have genital herpes but you have type 1 instead of the once typical type 2. You should have told him before you had sex because there is a risk, although low, that you could give it to him genitally. Be honest with him and tell him the facts and what you are doing to mitigate the risk for him. 

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