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Really need to get this off my chest.

3 years ago I contracted hsv2. It came out of the blue and to this day I have no idea how I got it. I went through all the horrible moments that everyone goes through, but I survived.

I thought I was ok with it all. Only a few outbreaks, which were manageable. Had sex, mostly men were ok with it.

Fast forward to now. 

I met a great guy through friends. We really just clicked on so many levels. He makes me feel like a giddy school girl! I haven't felt this way for a man in a very long time. He felt the same.

We had the talk and he said that he didn't want to take things any further. He didn't want us to have sex. I doubt that he will ever change his mind. This really hurts. I completely understand and respect his reasons for not taking things further. I don't like it though.

We have seen each other since and there is no denying our chemistry. It ends with flirting, touching and kissing. We are trying to be friends, but the undeniable attraction is getting in the way. I can't just avoid him cause we have mutual friends.

How do I just let this guy go? How can we still be friends if there is an attraction there?

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Tinkerbell I am so sorry that happened to you.... it's not fair and I can understand how disappointed you feel. But you should be so proud for telling him the truth - it took great courage.

All I can say that if the chemistry is still there and you are still remaining friends, perhaps in time he will come around and see that you are not the virus, it's just a teeny tiny piece of baggage you carry. Hopefully he's taken so time to read up on it and do some research and he may see it isn't as horrifying as it seems.

I have GHSV - and as far as we know my husband does not...... we've had two beautiful boys and been together for six or so years so it is possible for one to have it and the other not. Luckily for me he understood the virus as his mother and sister both get oral coldsores. For those that don't know much about the virus, it is a shock - I hope for you that in time, your feller will see it's not really that big a deal.

I do feel for you - and I think you are well within your rights to let him know that right now it's just too painful to be friends, if you feel that not seeing him and making a clean break will be easier. 

I wish you all the best.... however things may turn out. 

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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