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Help freaking out after having sex after primary outbreak


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Ok, I am recently diagnosed with hsv2. I have a pretty good idea who I got it from and exactly when. The symptoms literally started 2 days after intercorse. So I initially thought it was a yeast infection. Went to doctor to get meds. No one mentioned herpes even though my doctor did a full Pap smear. The pain and irritation continued and I thought I had a uti so I called and they prescribed me meds for that but irritation continued (I'm almost a week in at this point.) So the next day I go to another obgyn and she sees the sores and takes swabs and diagnosis me within a week! I have been devastated and literally depressed! Bc I have been single for 3 years and am desperately looking for a relationship and love and this seems to set me back. However once the sores were gone I felt better. Now there is another guy I have been having protected sex with for a few months (not the same guy that I think affected me) and I decided to have sex with him last night since the sores were gone and have been for almost a week (6 days). I did not disclose to him that I have been recently diagnosed bc I am so ashamed and scared of his reaction. We had sex with a condom and it hurt at first (he is very large) but then I eased into it and I felt better not so uncomfortable like I've been feeling.


ok I'm worried that I could possibly still be contagious and have passed this on to him! I am so scarred and idk what I would do if I did . Btw as soon as I went to doctor and she took swabs she put me on meds for 7days. The sores were not gone completely once I finished meds. Idk just please tell me how long I should wait after primary outbreak to have sex with a condom again?


also how likely is it to give the virus to someone if ur still possibly contagious/shedding if you are using a condom.


oh and dies showering right after do anything or is that just a myth?


also when it comes disclosing I am nervous that if I tell someone especially that I've previously had sex with and they go and get tested they will blame even if I was not the person who gave it to them.

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No one really knows when they are actually shedding so that is not something you can protect your partner from. What you can do is wait until all sores have healed before having sex, which sounds like you have already done , and start paying attention to any pre outbreak symptoms. Burning, tingling, itching in the genital area. You did use a condom so that's great ! My bf is negative and we don't use protection at all. We abstain if I have an outbreak and I am getting use to noticing symptoms.  I am now on suppressive therapy so that has helped alot. He remains negative. We've been together since I was diagnosed in July .  I think you should really consider disclosing as well. I think everyone has a right to decide whether they want to take the risk and when you chose not to disclose you are taking away that right. It's a difficult thing to do but I feel it's necessary. I am not sure about the showering after sex question but I don't think it would hurt. I think you can still disclose to someone you've already had sex with. You don't have to be specific with the time line of when you contracted it, just that you have hsv and that they might want to get tested .  You can also tell them that you are unclear of the source. They can then decide if they want to stay with you or chose not to. I think that's only fair. This is not an easy thing to  deal with initially but it does get better.  I wish you all the best . 

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I got diagnosed last week and after a few days of crying and being depressed I felt at peace with this virus. I disclosed to my sexual partner (we are not in a relationship)  today who is okay with it and is also okay with having unprotected sex. I put myself under sever nervousness and extreme stress about disclosing,  it is still something I fear for future sexual relationships but the guilt of keeping it from someone would stress me out too much. Especially because I am unaware who gave it to me and if the person knew and didn't tell me I would feel disrespected. I am still bitter about how I got it as I will never have closure on where I got it from 

its a very low risk passing it on if you didn't have any sores and used a condom so don't stress about it too much however I do think it is a good idea to disclose out of respect.


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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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