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Just told guy im seeing that i have herpes...

Happyshak3042

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Happyshak3042 Honeycomb Member

Happyshak3042

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So i found out yesterday and immediately went to his house to tell him. I wanted to make it very factual and informative versus over emotional...which i felt inside. His response was...well if it was anyone else i would feel differently, but since its you it will be okay. I thought that response was sweet. Yet his actions said otherwise. He slept on futon across from bed where i slept. Wtf. I feel contaminated, unwanted and dirty. To make my situation worse there are two sources from which i got infected and he is one possibility. The other man i called and told right away and he sounded panicked over phone. However other man i told in person as he is current SO. I need some help with my timeframe as to which man it came from. I know its not soooo important yet it would be hurtful to know that SO may have known about it and not told me two months ago. My first breakout was nov.26th, one week after i was w SO. And i was with other guy nov.15. Any clues as to which is more likely the source? Im scared as hell to make initial contact as far as text my SO as im trying to give him time to process this. Is this right to do? Being as he could be the one who knowingly gave to me...ugh...would appreciate any feedback. 

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Happyshak3042 Honeycomb Member

Happyshak3042

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No not yet...doc said the likely scenario would have been whomever was within 7-10 day timeframe. If SO is source its even worse since he hasnt contacted me at all since i told him. 

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Sansa218 Honeycomb Member

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I think it is possible that the source could be either guy, given the time frame.  It's also possible that neither guys knows that he has it.  Everyone reacts differently to hearing this when they are not having symptoms themselves.  I would try not to assume too much.  You could send a friendly hey how are you text and see what happens.   It would be a good idea if both guys got tested for both HSV1 and HSV2 with an IGG test.  If one is negative and the other has a positive result, you still cannot be 100% sure, as your new SO could not have developed enough antibodies to test positive yet.  The uncertainty really sucks, but everyone should try to understand whether they are infected or not.  Sorry this happened to you.

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Happyshak3042 Honeycomb Member

Happyshak3042

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Thank you for your insight. I am an emotional wreck right now. I know this is normal as being newly diagnosed. I go from anger to depression just waking up in morning and the tears start flowing. Thinking that it was all a bad dream. Then i feel the pain when i move and get out of bed. I need suggestions re online counseling...if anyone has any ideas. This site has helped tho. I still havent heard a thing from my SO and im heartbroken on top of confused and angry. Yet the other guy has been asking me how im feeling everyday since i told him. Im hurt and broken...so this is my new life? I was happy for once and have been thru so much in past year as ive been clean from heroin for 8 months now. Is this my punishment?? I want to stay strong and positive as ive been, but its impossible now.

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Sansa218 Honeycomb Member

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No, it is not impossible, Happyshak,  it just feels that way now, and feelings are not reality, are they?  You can feel sad watching a movie, and cry, but it's not real, right?  You can overcome these feelings with time.  I understand feeling broken, I felt that way too at first, but after 14 years, I know you can live without it being the primary issue of concern in your life. 

You broke an addiction to heroin.  That is a HUGE accomplishment and proves that you have a LOT of strength.  The feelings are hard to deal with, but you need to realize that this is a virus, you are not being punished for any mistakes you've made, viruses are not particular with who they infect.  You have one guy who is being supportive and one who is sort of ghosting you right now.  That just shows you that not everyone is going to react in the same way.  Your SO may come around, its been known to happen.  And if he doesn't, you will cme to grips with that too, and you WILL be able to move on.

People freak out over herpes....the stigma is awful, but trust me, you are not dirty, or a sleaze or unlovable.  You are the same individual you have always been, with positives and faults mixed in, like all of us.

Definitely use this site for support, and if you feel comfortable, confide in a friend or family member.  People who truly care about you will care about you no matter what.  Hang in there.  You are gonna be OK.

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    • Marlena
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      By Marlena · Posted

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