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Just told guy im seeing that i have herpes...


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So i found out yesterday and immediately went to his house to tell him. I wanted to make it very factual and informative versus over emotional...which i felt inside. His response was...well if it was anyone else i would feel differently, but since its you it will be okay. I thought that response was sweet. Yet his actions said otherwise. He slept on futon across from bed where i slept. Wtf. I feel contaminated, unwanted and dirty. To make my situation worse there are two sources from which i got infected and he is one possibility. The other man i called and told right away and he sounded panicked over phone. However other man i told in person as he is current SO. I need some help with my timeframe as to which man it came from. I know its not soooo important yet it would be hurtful to know that SO may have known about it and not told me two months ago. My first breakout was nov.26th, one week after i was w SO. And i was with other guy nov.15. Any clues as to which is more likely the source? Im scared as hell to make initial contact as far as text my SO as im trying to give him time to process this. Is this right to do? Being as he could be the one who knowingly gave to me...ugh...would appreciate any feedback. 

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How were you diagnosed?  If you had a blood test likely you had it more than 3 months. Usually symptoms 2 to 20 days. Could be either.

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The doctor swab culture tested me. I dont even have results back yet but from the severity of my OB he prescribed meds and pretty much confirmed it. The guy i have been seeing hasnt contacted me at all since i told him. Either he knew he had it and assumes im pissed and its over. Or he is in shock that i possibly gave it to him, and he decided to walk away. Im so hurt and confused rn. The previous bf actually asked me how i was feeling...yet the guy i care about immensely has ghosted on me. Idk anymore.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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