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I was diagnosed 3 hours ago. I'm 33.


PityParty16

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A few hours ago I heard news that will change my life forever. I have never felt so sad, angry, betrayed & filthy in my whole life.  I cheated on my Fiance and about a week later I found out I had herpes. Someone please say something to keep me from going over the edge.

Edited by Ms. Cooper
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Hi Ms Cooper. I tried to talk to you on the chat while you where there but you didn't see me. I am a simple patient but there a some very expert people here so you've come to the right place.

You might have had herpes already long before your first outbreak. Sometimes an outbreak is provoked by sex (friction). It may not have come from the "complete stranger" bur from someone before. Even your fiance.  

I have to be honest Ms Cooper. Being single, not by choice, I always have a hard time understanding why someone who has been so lucky to have found a "significant other" would be unfaithfull.  Not to judge you, this happens all the time, I just don't understand.

You have some cuestions to ask yourself. Do you actually want to marry your fiance? Stay with him till death do you part? Maybe you really don't and that might explain your wild night with a complete stranger. You might also ask yourself, if you do want to stay with your fiance, what will you tell him? The whole story, with complete stranger and all? Or only the HSV part? I honesty don't know what is wise.  Whatever you do, you will have to tell him about your HSV-infection because it has implications for his health. He must be able to make an informed decision. Now you can reduce the risk of contaminating him by faithfully taking your Valtrex and using condoms, and abstaining from sex during outbreaks and prodromes. (you can do very enjoyable other things together during those times). If I remember correctly the chance of passing the virus from woman to men when you take all these precautions is not very big, like 1,7%. (other readers, please correct me if I got this wrong!)

 This must be an extremely difficult time for you. You will get through this, but it won't be easy. You will get stronger and wiser in the process. Stay away from the edge, there is nothing good to be found there.  Take good care of your body, your mind and your soul, and take good care of the people around you. This way things will get better eventually.

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52 minutes ago, Ms. Cooper said:

Someone please say something to keep me from going over the edge.

Please give yourself time to fully process everything. Only time will show you the worst in life is manageable. This is a shock and definitely a great deal to face but since we are All fallible humans we must face the reality we created. I would certainly not judge you or want you to judge yourself this harshly.

Please do not harm yourself over this. There are amazing people here who understand and will support you through this diagnosis. Seek out a trusted friend because you need to release this much needless shame to get out of your negative head space where you can do yourself no good, only mental and physical damage.

 

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1 hour ago, Ms. Cooper said:

A few hours ago I heard news that will change my life forever. I have never felt so sad, angry, betrayed, filthy and whorish in my whole life. I had unprotected sex with basically a complete stranger and within 3 days I had herpes. I have a Fiance, who has no idea I cheated. Someone please say something to keep me from going over the edge.

Hi there Ms. Cooper,

You have a few things to sort out but you need to try and stay calm. First, you should get a complete STD panel just to be sure that you are clear from anything else. Which type were diagnosed with type 1 or 2 and how (blood test or swab).

Herpes is a manageable condition and it affects us all differently. I am guessing that you have an outbreak and are on antivirals?

As for the cheating part, we all are human and make mistakes. If you fiance is H negative then you will have to decide to either disclose to him what you have which will bring up the how you got it or you will have to decide to do a breakup of the relationship.

If you decide to disclose be prepared and have information about the virus. If your fiance can understand and is willing to move forward the there are thing you can do to protect him.

You have to look at whether this is what you really want. You don't want to expose him if you really don't know if you want to really be with him or not.

Good luck and welcome.

Edited by Seeker1960
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Is source a question here? 

Did you have an outbreak of sores and was it swabbed? Was it typed correctly? Did you have sex with both partners in the week before any outbreak?

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I would just like to add that if you had it prior to the one night stand it's possible that you may have transmitted it to the fiance at any rate so it's important to think about that in terms of whether you disclose or not if you decide to stay with him

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First and foremost I'd like to say I am sorry that you have been diagnosed with such a frustrating, upsetting, bad rep STD but this is not nearly as life changing as you may think. I thought it was but I promise you it will get better. A lot of the people on this website know what they are talking about, maybe even more than some doctors because we are all living with it. 

I had unprotected sex with a guy I didn't know very well and three days later I had my first break out but he did not know he had it, therefore this could have came from either your fiancé or the other man. This virus could live in someones body for quite a few years until they ever have a break out. I also read a few times rough sex could trigger a break and also stress. So try not to assume this stranger gave this to you. 

It's hard to talk about this with others but this is a very safe and comforting place where you can do that. 

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5 hours ago, Ms. Cooper said:

A few hours ago I heard news that will change my life forever. I have never felt so sad, angry, betrayed, filthy and whorish in my whole life. I had unprotected sex with basically a complete stranger and within 3 days I had herpes. I have a Fiance, who has no idea I cheated. Someone please say something to keep me from going over the edge.

Tell him what you did then ask for forgiveness and help others in your situation then act accordingly to the response but CHANGE for the better if u are Godly then for an even greater cause.

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51 minutes ago, Alliepal97 said:

I mean at least you're 33... I'm 19, and got diagnosed 3 days ago, I got a long ways to go. :(

It really doesn't matter how old you are.  And given that you are young it'll actually give you the opportunity now to make better decisions about who you sleep with.. make the most of being young just go out and have fun and worry about dating later you've got so much a head of you just enjoy it.  You can still achieve all the things that you ever wanted to achieve

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You don't have to talk about it until you are ready. It is a tough moment, the beginning of knowing. I went through 100 different emotions for 6 months everyday. Then one day I just stopped thinking about it. I had one initial OB then nothing for almost 2 years. I actually haven't been on this site in almost  13 months. I haven't had a second OB yet, however I noticed all the signs and symptoms of the first time I knew something was wrong. I learned that it doesn't define me, I am still me. However it does pop into my head now and then. But just know there is life after this. I am getting married and have a wonderful life. Its just a virus - your body will learn to fight it off

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/2/2016 at 3:54 PM, WilsoInAus said:

Is source a question here? 

Did you have an outbreak of sores and was it swabbed? Was it typed correctly? Did you have sex with both partners in the week before any outbreak?

It was not swabbed. The Dr. just basically examined and diagnosed me right then. Put me on meds and cleared me all up. I don't really want to get into details of my sex life, but I'm 100% sure I didn't infect my boyfriend. He's been on "vacation" for 2 years.

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On 12/4/2016 at 10:43 PM, Sean123 said:

Depends how you look at it... You being 19 gives you lots of time to wait for a vaccine/cure... Most people don't get into serious relationships until they're at least 25..

I'm 28 now. I would much rather be 19 with this today than 28 IMO.

Are they really searching for a cure? Are they close to one? 

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On 12/4/2016 at 10:23 PM, Lisajd said:

You only have to tell sexual partners but it helps to confide in others. Helps you see its not as bad as you think

I'm scared for the next outbreak, but yes, as the weeks have gone on, I am not devastated anymore. I realize I am still the same person, same life, same friends, same goals. It's only sad when I think about ending up all alone.

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On 12/4/2016 at 8:51 PM, LuckyHeart10 said:

You don't have to talk about it until you are ready. It is a tough moment, the beginning of knowing. I went through 100 different emotions for 6 months everyday. Then one day I just stopped thinking about it. I had one initial OB then nothing for almost 2 years. I actually haven't been on this site in almost  13 months. I haven't had a second OB yet, however I noticed all the signs and symptoms of the first time I knew something was wrong. I learned that it doesn't define me, I am still me. However it does pop into my head now and then. But just know there is life after this. I am getting married and have a wonderful life. Its just a virus - your body will learn to fight it off

Thank you for sharing this with me.

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On 12/2/2016 at 5:05 PM, ItsTheClimb said:

First and foremost I'd like to say I am sorry that you have been diagnosed with such a frustrating, upsetting, bad rep STD but this is not nearly as life changing as you may think. I thought it was but I promise you it will get better. A lot of the people on this website know what they are talking about, maybe even more than some doctors because we are all living with it. 

I had unprotected sex with a guy I didn't know very well and three days later I had my first break out but he did not know he had it, therefore this could have came from either your fiancé or the other man. This virus could live in someones body for quite a few years until they ever have a break out. I also read a few times rough sex could trigger a break and also stress. So try not to assume this stranger gave this to you. 

It's hard to talk about this with others but this is a very safe and comforting place where you can do that. 

Thank you for your kind words.

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On December 16, 2016 at 10:56 PM, PityParty16 said:

I'm scared for the next outbreak, but yes, as the weeks have gone on, I am not devastated anymore. I realize I am still the same person, same life, same friends, same goals. It's only sad when I think about ending up all alone.

Yes, that is the scariest part. Possibly ending up all alone forever or settling.

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    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
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