Jump to content

He dissapeared on me...after i disclosed


Recommended Posts

This mental and emotional anguish is too much. Its been 3 days and i haven't heard from him. I was looking for clues as to who he may have cheated on me with. Found 2 possibilities on FB where he put hearts on girls photos. One of which lives really close to him. So it makes sense that when he wasn't with me he was with her. So immature of him btw. He is 35. I unfriended him on FB. Is it my place to maybe message this girl and give her heads up about him? I cant wrap my head around how he must know he's infected yet sleeps around. Ugh what a total pos. I dont like drama at all. Im 38 and too old for that. He chooses to sleep with younger women 23 to 25 that seem to be total freaks, at least from fb pics. Im stalker status now...but just so hurt and betrayed. Someone tell me how to handle. I want to blow up on him to vent this anger so bad! I feel like if i hold all this in my drinking will become worse and I'll hurt myself more in the longrun. Im also scared of relapsing on drugs these emotions are a huge trigger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you sure it was from him firstly. If so maybe he didn't know and is trying to process everything. Maybe he's thinking you gave it to him and are trying to blame him etc. there are many variables here. However ultimately if he dosent return your attempts to contact him what can you do about it. Stressing this isn't going to help you if he's a POS.  And if he's a POS talking to him about it isnt going to help either. I wouldn't bother with those girls he's seeing. He'll likely just say your jealous and lying and now they know you have H so personally I'd try to contact him one more time and if he dosent respond then wait till he does and leave it alone IMO. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are best to leave it and move on. Clearly hes a cheat and player.  As with all of us our sexual health is our responsibility.  So its up to those girls to take precautions not yours.  You dint know how he might react either.  I get your hurt but now you will make better choices

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whoa, whoa... this seems all a bit premature. 

Do you really know when he friended these other women? These seem normal behaviours for single people before pairing off into a monogamous relationship. Can it really be concluded that he's a cheat.

Do you have your swab back yet? You really need to confirm type if you are positive. Is HSV-1 from oral sex is a possibility?

He may still be in a state of shock, even guilt, possibly denial or maybe now a realisation of previous symptoms. 

Either way I would not assume that things are 'over'. There will be more to play out yet. Try to calm yourself and focus on your maturity of handling the situation. Your actions are currently not consistent with this, don't your think?

There is nothing to lose by calmly waiting here. It is not your role to interact with other people as you suggest, that is stalking I'm afraid and I hope you'll see that this beneath you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't tried to contact him at all since I told him. Considering I was put off by his distance, lack of affection, and he treated me like a diseased contagion and wouldn't even fall asleep in bed w me. Found him sitting up asleep on couch across from bed in morning. Almost like he was standing guard from me...scared of me. This was night I told him, 3 days ago. 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Low maturity on his part, I agree. No excuse for our own maturity levels, our principles and what we value though. 

If this is herpes, he is the source. He lacks understanding of this obviously but let's not give up hope just yet. Men are slower than women on all counts, right!

If there is love for you inherent in him, it will come to the surface, it will shine through the tarnish. Will you want him if it happens? Wait and see how you feel. A lot of red flags, maybe. Are they more than our own red flags? It isn't I'm afraid that all other men would behave that differently. We all need to forgive the faults in our partners and be self aware to address our own faults.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, a little history as to why I'm so emotionally invested in this man. We grew up together. Met when he was in 6th grade, I was in 9th. I married my HS sweetheart, so did he. Both of us in same relationships for two decades. As of year and a half ago we both divorced, yet haven't spoken or seen each other in 12 years or so. We came together as he pursued me and said he's always had crush on me and hated how my ex treated me. He swept me off my feet, and I have moved extremely slow as neither of us want to get back into serious relationships, just agreed on being a team, supporting each other and being happy together. Sex was great as we fulfilled what each was missing from marriages, passion, etc. Anyway, I told him from beginning I expect honesty so I feel so disappointed, confused, guilty hurt...all emotions and that maybe this ruined it for us since we were just getting to know each other again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had the same situation but it was with an ex that we were still friends.


Back story I was infected recently by a guy who lied about being tested atleast tested properly and being clean coming to find out he had it. He had no idea. I started dating him a month or so after my ex bf broke up with me. My ex and I decided to remain friends.

When I was diagnosed I couldn't tell him I was scared and I knew he would freak even though he had no reason to  I never cheated on him  I never had herpes prior  and  the doctor claimed that  the flare-up that I had  looked like a recent attack which should be the man that I was seeing at the time . A part of me eventually let my guard down trusting him to be a good friend and just support me and told him. Nothing's been the same between us since. The night i told him he was demanding as to know how long I had been seeing the guy after him (he knew I started seeing someone prior to this info cause i told him since he asked). Now he refused to pick up my phone calls, his text messages were short, when I got into a car accident about a week ago I told him and all he said was that sucks which is not like him at all hes the type that would ask if I'm okay. Then one evening he called me and asked me if I had cheated on him for which I never did so there was no possible way he contracted it. I constantly reassured him that there was no way he had it and he would still ask me if I cheated so no matter what I told him no matter what I do he is going to believe that he has it now because of me and because I cheated. I haven't heard from him since that phonecall. How does this portray to your story? 


Well I've come to realize relationships be it with friends or lovers a true friend or lover is going to stick by you no matter what it may take a few days for it all to sink in but they will understand and they will still care for you regardless if they don't then let them go they aren't worth your time your energy or even being a part of your life that's only deserving for the people who care as much to stick around. You nor anyone deserves to be made to feel like you have leprosy just because you contracted this no one asks for this to happen to them. And if he's gonna treat u that way then he's not worth ur time. And if he does infect other women it's not ur position to tell them or to say cause u tell her he can always say ur full of crap and she will probably believe him because she talks to him and doesn't know u. 


Your much better off. Just as I am without my so-called "friend". Was friends or lovers who act like that who needs an enemy. 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
    • Possiblehypercon11
      @WilsoInAus would really appreciate your input please. Kinda freaking out lol. 
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.