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Adzboiii

Life is over in my opinion

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Adzboiii

Got diagnosed over a year ago, some !*@* of hell gave it to me without telling me and I've been mortified ever since. I've already accepted the fact that sex life has gone out of the window, I can appreciate trying to sugar coat things but let's be honest a 24 year old male, living with his mother shitty job etc and now this has nothing to offer. I've considered dating someone with like HIV or something just so I won't be alone, the only shitty dating sites I've seen you have to pay extortionately for.

I just want to see what other peoples experiences have been and how you dealt with it? I refuse to tell any women because trust is hard for me, they usually screenshot your stuff and laugh at your life anyway, this? well social life is also over then.

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WilsoInAus

OK hear ya, but in the end there are 4 billion people living with HSV-1 on the planet and over a 1 billion with HSV-2. Most everyone of them is doing just fine and never let HSV interfere or absorb their thinking in any way. They date, have casual sex, marry, have children and go about their lives like anyone.

Only you can deem what is acceptable in terms of disclosure. Your cultural environment circumstances may also play a role. Women know there is about a 1/3 chance they will be infected with HSV-2 if they have a handful of partners during their single life. It may be more comfortable for you initially to date women who have HSV-2, but there are far, far more of these women on match.com than any specific HSV style dating site.

Men who use condoms carefully and take antivirals rigorously greatly reduce the chance of infecting a HSV-2 free woman for example. The official average stats would suggest about a 2% chance in a year of sex, but it can be even lower with appropriate care.

How is your body going with the virus? How does the outbreak frequency look? Do you feel your body is better at dealing with the virus?

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Seeker1960
11 minutes ago, Adzboiii said:

Got diagnosed over a year ago, some !*@* of hell gave it to me without telling me and I've been mortified ever since. I've already accepted the fact that sex life has gone out of the window, I can appreciate trying to sugar coat things but let's be honest a 24 year old male, living with his mother shitty job etc and now this has nothing to offer. I've considered dating someone with like HIV or something just so I won't be alone, the only shitty dating sites I've seen you have to pay extortionately for.

I just want to see what other peoples experiences have been and how you dealt with it? I refuse to tell any women because trust is hard for me, they usually screenshot your stuff and laugh at your life anyway, this? well social life is also over then.

I know things are tough right now for you. You have to turn the negative energy into something positive. You are young so having H sux but because you are young your body will eventually have it under good control. 

There are a of women that have this also who are also looking for someone and feel like you do. So you will have a dating future although a little more challenging . 

You are not a bad looking guy and a lot of women may be will to overlook you H status and be okay with you taking antivirals and using condoms.

Use the energy to work on self improvement. Don't  let a virus define who you are.

Help is on the way. In the next year or two there may be some real treatment options that will make the virus a non issue.

Lets hope and pray for that.

So stay positive you have a lot of good things going for you dont focus on the negative or it will bring you down.

Stay well.

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SureWhyNot

In another thread you said " Life is shit" ( this is a more appropriate thread for my response. sorry if it shows up in both.)

Only if you think that it is! You make it so with your thoughts which lead your actions. You have decided your life is over, so it is! I have 36yrs of experience with gHSV2 that tells me my life is what I create for myself. I let it out of my care and control and it went to hell in a handcart so I know my statement to be fact! 

Yes, now your life is different but perhaps you are being directed to find your true self because you now have to step back from who you were.

I was self destructive, no regard for my future self as I had little to look forward to due to being raised by Coyotes who's children were a pain in their ass. Once I beat myself up enough then came in contact with this virus I realized I was worth fighting for because at least I am stubborn. I had to live inside my body so it made a lot of sense to learn how to care for the new one, since I didn't care much about the old one.

You are who you believe you are and, from these old eyes, You have a lot of life to look forward to! The world plays on whether you are in it or not, your choice. You underestimate quality people. Perhaps you never met them or gave those you know a chance. Nobody says it will be easy but then what do you expect as most of the important things are not effortless???

Edited by SureWhyNot

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Lisajd

Regardless of a cure or vaccine everyone has a choice how they live their life with hsv.  Yes i get people have ongoing symptoms but if not, there is no reason anyones life is over.  

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LeanerSnail

Watch no arms, no legs, no worries.  Will put things into perspective.

U can't change ur diagnosis, but u still had control over everything else.  Goto a trade school, pursue a hobby, get in shape, the possibilities are endless.

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Blahdittilyblah

Don't tell people over text or media. It be best in my opinion to talk to someone face to face look them in the eyes and tell them. 

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Adzboiii

I understand it from the perspective that there are worse things out there, like Moto Neuron's Disease and stuff but I mean, this virus makes us appear normal, walk talk and live semi normal lives. Yet, we can not be normal in our basic instincts when it comes to love / sex.

I have developed a more bitter outlook on life since finding out, it's kind of hard not too. I live in the UK, in Wales to be exact, and where I'm from people will give you the wide birth. All my close friends know, I told one person who wasn't and he fucked me over. Since then I have no trust when it comes to man or woman. 

I just feel like there needs to be more services in place for people like us to meet / chat / date and what have you. Most of my close friends have said don't tell anyone anything and live as you did before but I can't bring myself to ruin someone else's life, I'd rather suffer loneliness than a guilty conscious knowing I gave it to some one else.

Outbreaks happen whenever I get stressed, this year has been particularly shit, lost a baby and stuff but I wasn't raised a pussy so I'll just get on with it. I've had 5 outbreaks this year so far.  I will welcome a cure with open arms, least then I can return to normality.

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SureWhyNot
23 minutes ago, Adzboiii said:

I have developed a more bitter outlook on life since finding out, it's kind of hard not too.

How is that working out for you??????

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Adzboiii
Just now, SureWhyNot said:

How is that working out for you??????

Not too good actually lol

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SureWhyNot

Not trying to be an ass but since I know what it is like to pull yourself out of life I know what the results are, not so great. I was the only one missing out and it gets easier to hide the longer you do it. Yes, it can get worse when you are not involved in making change. I may not have made great strides with my financial state but I have made huge steps in my mental attitude. That will allow me to make the changes I need for the results I want. Not magic, takes work but we are worth it. Step by step, slowly I turn. Yes I am close to Niagara Falls!!!

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Adzboiii

I understand that. I'm not pulling myself out of life, you have me mistaken. I am pulling myself out of dating etc. In fact, since I contracted this virus it's had nothing but positive impacts on my hobby which is downhill biking, I used to be scared of doing / trying certain trails or jumps but now, I simply do not care what happens and I have progressed to no ends. That is the only positive thing to come of this. I now have no fear and for that I'm thankful.

My bitterness is more towards my childhood fears of dying alone, by alone I mean without a partner. Yes family and friends and all that bullshit, but they have their own lives. In my country you get the wide birth when people find out, I've kind of accepted it now. I will try to be a little more positive in my outlook but before this curse was given to me I struggled with depression anyway.

Edited by Adzboiii

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SureWhyNot
2 minutes ago, Adzboiii said:

but before this curse was given to me I struggled with depression anyway.

And There It Is!

HSV hits the most vulnerable part of our selves, our sexual self. You have pulled yourself out of one of the most important aspects of your life. Believe me, when you meet the right person they will be able to look past the virus because you will have done everything you can to learn how it reacts in your body and what you will do to protect them. I would rather be embraced by a knowledgeable person with a virus than someone who is unaware of themselves and their impact on me.

You have already discovered a positive. You will learn that your confidence in whatever you do will give others the faith to trust in you. We all want to be with someone who has strength of character and belief in self, probably because we hope they will raise us up if we are weak in that aspect. I would bet you have garnered positive attention with your biking skills. You can do that with every aspect of yourself. You are So Much More than a virus!

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Adzboiii

Of course, I understand that it affects our sexual self and confidence but all this talk of meeting the right person etc, I can talk more than most people due to my ADHD and hyperactivity but that is also something a lot of people get put off by haha. I used to only face rejection for that, now I get rejected as a bit of a double whammy.

I used to get upset about rejection, now I take it on the chin and act like their missing out. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I perhaps would like to meet someone settle down etc. I'm 25 next year getting old, I joke with my mates that if I'm still single at 30 I want one of them to make a suicide pact with me, I am only joking of course but for a young lad or girl in their 20's should these not be the most sexually active years of our lives? Now I find it more of a race to meet someone else with the virus. My bitterness is simply where do I start? lol sorry to seem annoying but I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to my mental attitude.

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SureWhyNot
4 minutes ago, Adzboiii said:

I can talk more than most people due to my ADHD and hyperactivity but that is also something a lot of people get put off by haha

Gooble Gobble, I accept you, one of us!!!! Me too!

That is also the key to our success, we focus on the details. Unfortunately we can cling to the wrong details. No you cannot bang your way through your 20's as some do. The grass always looks greener from the other side so we are just creating our own realities around others when we have no idea what they are really dealing with. 

Start with yourself. Learn how to recognize every indication of an immanent OB and what triggers to remove. When you "feel" your body you will know when the time is right or wrong to engage in full out, no holds barred, just like real people sex! I had 4 long term relationships with what they thought were non HSV men. Turns out that 2 of them had cold sores when they were kids but had no idea it was related to what I told them about mine. I dated for at least 3mths, like a teenager. Heavy petting and do you remember how amazing long passionate kisses can be?  I spoke with confidence when I told them my status as I had learned what I needed. I assured them I would do everything I could to protect them. Yes, they were a tad stunned and needed a bit of time to process but by then they knew me enough to know I am trustworthy. And apparently still a bit gullible because I never thought to ask them about cold sores since they did not know what they had. I have commitment issues apparently. We all have something!!!!

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Adzboiii

When you put it like that I feel stupid. I can recognise when an OB is coming, I can feel my body or more specifically my immune system is in a much weakened state. I stay on top of that side of things, I mean not to sound sexist but where I'm from anyway men think with only 1 of their heads and that definitely isn't the one on top lol. Probably the reason I contracted the virus in the first place, being young immature and irresponsible so I know there's no-one to blame but myself.

I just don't know how to approach the whole dating scene, what type of women would be more accepting of the fact? I just refuse any more rejection as I've had my fill and it does me no favours. One thing I must say is that I find you very knowledgeable! My country could use more people like you working or advising people like us, I know I would most certainly invest a lot of time talking to you, like a shrink lol. :)

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SureWhyNot

Young people forget that older people were young once. You think you set the bar for excitement and colouring outside the lines. I am not even sure how I survived some of the shit I pulled up to your age. 

When I look back on my dating past I now realize I dated with a bit of arrogance after HSV. I did not think with the "I want a piece of that and I really hope they like me" attitude I used to. I looked at prospective men differently. OK, so they are pursing me, but what do they want? I know the repercussions of making a bad choice. Are they the type that would have some distance? Simply put, I was more discriminate in what I was looking for. I had already found approval in myself with what I was forced to learn and it had so many bonuses I never expected. Not saying I like this shit, but it really is how we deal with it that makes the difference.

I have learned some amazing healing practices and the power of real life that I may never have bothered if not for this.

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SureWhyNot

Oh, and this is why I stick around here. I want to pass on what I have paid to learn to those who are committed to helping themselves. This is the only way through until science offers the silver bullet.

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Adzboiii

You're right, I suppose I've been / still am a little arrogant when it comes to dating. I just find it hard to make the distinction between who's trustworthy to tell and who isn't, I don't even care if the woman rejects me for HSV, more so I don't want her to screenshot or tell her friends and be socially ridiculed I suppose.

I am trying to be better in myself, I have my days and lately they seem to be more bad than good but I just hope to hear about some cure of some sort soon. Unless my mentality changes and by then I do not wish to be cured lol.

Have you heard of any dating sites without the dodgy pay for this and that and the total ignorance towards the virus that is displayed on sites such as positive singles?

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SureWhyNot

Arrogant is good as it makes us look twice, that is using the proper head to guide. Only time with someone will allow the trust. We forget the 3 date rule was created for TV, not necessarily for real life. 

I am out of the loop when it comes to computer dating and honestly anything beyond this site. There are those here who have all that information and will get back to you. 

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herpesderpes

I think dispair is born out of ignorance and fear, if you educate yourself you may find that things aren't so bad :)
Just take it one day at a time, If you did not have this disease would the need to find someone to settle down with, or even to have sex with seem so urgent? Probably not, you'd just be plodding along through life not thinking too much about it.

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