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LostOne07

Hello To Everyone

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LostOne07

I just signed up so this is kinda new to me.. It mite take me a minute to put it all out there so hopefully yall will understand!

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livingdaybyday

Welcome! Don't worry, just take your time. We're all here for you and everyone is extremly nice. Don't be afraid to ask questions or share anything. HUGS and just remember to keep your chin up :)

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LostOne07

Thank you so much.. For somone like me who loves to talk and write a whole lot is kinda wierd not being able to open up so quickly.. But i am really glad i found this site.. And thank you

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LostOne07

Just Make It All Go AwAY Please!

Hey Everyone. Well as you can see im one of the newbies here so this is all new to me. Anways first off i would like to just say thank you to everyone who is taking the time out to read this. I really appreciate it and look forward to having someone to turn to. Well this is my story.. I like to write alot so just bare with me on this..

Well lets see. I have genital herpes and coldsores or better known herpes of the mouth as some people would referr it as. I found out about 3 months ago. I still in shock. I am personally not dealing with it that well.. Very very depressed and it seems like im always crying. I know people say it gets better but does it really? And im sure eveyone felt this at one point in time.. I don't know how to move on from this.. Not at all and it is effecting my life in so many ways than one.

Im 20 yrs old and i will be 21 in march. I was my boyfriend well ex or whatever i referr to him as of rite now for over a yr.. I was a virgin. And i decided to give him my virginty. I waited almost ninne months into the relationship to go ahead and have sex because i really wanted to make sure i loved him. And i did and as crazy as it is. I still do. I haven't seen or heard from him in almost 4 months.. But that's normal to me.. I think what hurt me the most it that he was my first and i almost feel like he is my last. I have so much other things to deal with on top of this. I know many of you have alot goin on to. But i also have a few other medical problems that make this alot worse to deal with. Knowing that if one day i do meet someone else the fear of them not accepting me with of my medical problems and this on top is antagonizing... I presonally don't think i have the strength to deal with it.

I just wish he would have told me. And i know some people are not awhare of them having it. But i know deep down in my heart he knew and just didn't tell me. I got the symptoms ways to quick for him not to know.. My heart is literally borken because as a couple me and him went thru so much. And i don't know how to let go. I hate him in so many ways than one for what he put me thru in the past and what he's putting me thru for the rest of my life. But yet i love him. And i think im so stuck on wanting him to come back around and be here so i wouldn't have to worry about the fear of being rejected.

I kinda just feel like going and hiding in some place where no one can find me. And i know that seems kinda childesh but it's realistic. And i just live my life in fear. I try to smilie and pretend to be okay so i won't let everyone see my pain.Only a few people know. And yet im so ashamed to tell my mom. To break her heart is out of the question. I was all ways the good girl and now look at me. i know my mom will love me regardless i just don't think i could personally deal with letting her down.

And then there are my nieces. I love thme more than life it's self. There the reason i wake up everyday and put a smile on my face. But the fear of passing it on to them it constantly in my mind. God knows i think i would just die if i didn't protect myself enough to keep them from getting it. Im just scared to be honest. And i know this is alot to read. But this is the first time i've really been able to vent in the last 3 months and actually have someone understand what im going thru.

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smiles1513

i know eactly how you feel

i know exactly how you feel. im sure eveyone does. i just found out two days ago that i have it and since then, ive been crying my eyes out. i told my 3 older sisters already because i need their love and support. i am so thankful that they do not judge me or think less of me. my mom just past away less than year ago and all i can think is she's shaking her head in disappointment with me. but i know she wil always love me no matter what, as your mom will to. it may be a shock to her at first, bu thingss could be a lot worse. its a disease you have to deal with everyday but at least you have everyday to live. make sense? all i know is i also have nieces too and i dont even want to sleep net to them. obviously there are small life altering changes to be made but again....at least you have everyday to watch them grow up. well, a little advice...i know im only a newbie as well, but ive been reading alot of info on the net and found that stress can prolong and bring on outbreaks. i found this to be true. maybe its all in my mind but i started my meds yesterday and felt a little comfort. but all day today, i was cryin, lying in bed all day, and thinking too much about my boyfriend and family. and as a result, i think, my symptoms became a little worse. so stress, no exercise can affect the ob. im no epert but im so glad to find people on here to tell all to and to try to help...

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LostOne07

Thanks for the support!

;)

i know exactly how you feel. im sure eveyone does. i just found out two days ago that i have it and since then, ive been crying my eyes out. i told my 3 older sisters already because i need their love and support. i am so thankful that they do not judge me or think less of me. my mom just past away less than year ago and all i can think is she's shaking her head in disappointment with me. but i know she wil always love me no matter what, as your mom will to. it may be a shock to her at first, bu thingss could be a lot worse. its a disease you have to deal with everyday but at least you have everyday to live. make sense? all i know is i also have nieces too and i dont even want to sleep net to them. obviously there are small life altering changes to be made but again....at least you have everyday to watch them grow up. well, a little advice...i know im only a newbie as well, but ive been reading alot of info on the net and found that stress can prolong and bring on outbreaks. i found this to be true. maybe its all in my mind but i started my meds yesterday and felt a little comfort. but all day today, i was cryin, lying in bed all day, and thinking too much about my boyfriend and family. and as a result, i think, my symptoms became a little worse. so stress, no exercise can affect the ob. im no epert but im so glad to find people on here to tell all to and to try to help...

I just first want to say thank you for reading and writting me back.

And im sorry that your having to go thru this. But like you said.. Were not alone and that makes me feel a whole lot better than i use to. Yes.. Crying is something i still do.. Lord knows i get tired of it. But hey what can i do. It's a mutal feeling. JUst like you i still lie in bed sometimes and just crying not even wanting to get up and then i think about the people in my life that do need me. And im sorry to hear about your mother. But you right. She will love you regardless.and even though she's not here just know she's watching over you and protecting you as you go thru life. Well im glad were in the same boat together about our nieces.. Im just as scared to even breathe on them. I just couldn't stand knowing i gave them something. I watch my youngest one during the day. So i try to be extra careful. And your right. I tell myself everyday how lucky i am to wake up everyday to beable to see a smile on there faces. Well since my outbreak the first time.. I took it really hard. I mean i alredy knew i had it before i went to the doctor. I was just hoping it mite have been alot differnt. And then i just recently had another outbreak. But both at the sametime and i think that made it alot worse for me. Cause everytime it happens. It just the realization that it's never going to go away. But the medicine has helped me alot.. When i get it. I take it twice a day for ten days. It usually clears up quick. I try not to stress to much because it does make it alot worse. I just want to thank you for listening. And also wanted to know if you didn't mind me asking how is your bf taking it. Or is he the one that past it too you?

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catiesmom

There are several of us who have kids, and we have the same fear of passing it on. Just know that there are some common-sense things you can do to avoid that. Having it orally will make it a bit more difficult, but if you read around, you'll get more familiar with when you can and when you can't pass it.

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    • Talx2520
      Thanks for the response! My first suspected outbreak was definitely painful. Started with what felt like a UTI, then noticed what looked like ulcers starting 1.5 days after unprotected sex. Never scabbed over, but I had a horrible itch that lasted 2  weeks (didn't feel like yeast). Given my symptoms, I've pretty sure its genital herpes, but I mean it could have been some allergy (I had extremely rough intercourse in the middle of the wilderness, sorry if that is tmi lol and maybe naive of me to think it was a weird plant). Both my mom, sister, and grandma get coldsores and I feel like i've totally shared drinks with them even during their outbreaks. Can't remember if I ever had one though. I am not totally sure how I should go about disclosing in general. Should I mention I had a full panel and hsv-1 came up positive and that I am not sure where it is? I really wish I had just gotten it swabbed, but couldn't afford it without insurance at the time. I was under the impression that if it was herpes, it would come back and I could get it swabbed, but I realize now that with HSV-1 that isnt always the case. 
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