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I'm Ruined now what?

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I am only 19, and I have always had safe sex, how could this have happened? And now I have to live with it forever? I really planned on leaving my boyfriend after he first hit me but it was a really scary situation. I finally felt like I had the courage to leave him and get away from the abuse. But now this? He is the only one who knows. I have no one else to tell. And I can't ever be with someone else or tell someone else. I feel stuck with him. And I feel helpless. It is my first semester of finals at college. How am I gonna  get through?

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Hello and I hope you feel better soon about your circumstances. I can say that regardless of H you shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship beciasue of this. If you are being abused in any manner you should leave immediately and do not fear leaving there is help you can get to be safe again. Also have you been tested how do you know you have H. What type do you have and where. Have you had an OB etc. a lot of members here can tell you that your love life is not over. Many have been married for years to partners who are not infected and have not infected them ever. With that being said you will find love in the future according to others here. Although it may be a difficult thing to reveal as I still struggle with gathering the courage to disclose although I always will eventually we become comfortable again with who we are as a person which is the same before H we just lost that reality along the way. If you need help and support we're all available. You can message me and other members if you need a lift or advice. 

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I am really sorry you find yourself in this situation, but you simply have to find the courage to leave your abusive boyfriend. Herpes is irrelevant, you need to look after your physical and mental health and get away from an abusive relationship. Don't even try to rationalise it in your mind, just leave and never look back.

Is there a college counsellor you can go to for help?

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Like the others have said, herpes is irrelevant in your situation. It's a common and normal human condition. Physical abuse is not. You are young and will find love with someone who will treat you right. Herpes will be nothing more than a filter to measure the strength of any future partner. It will actually guide you to a great man. Disclosure sucks, but in a way it forces us to be confident. And nothing is more sexy and appealing than that.

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Hi Universe.....I am so sorry you are in this situation.  You are young and in a difficult situation, but maybe try to take a deep breath and take stock for a minute.   First of all, if you are having an outbreak, see if you can get some treatment/relief to help you through finals.   If you haven't been officially tested and are having an OB, now is a good time to do that.  If you aren't having an OB right now, try to dive into studying for your finals.  It will distract you from what you are feeling, and it's good for you in terms of the bigger picture.  Also, try to take care of yourself - eat well, get some sleep, take breaks with friends.   You don't need to tell any friends about herpes now if you don't want to.  It can wait and you can talk to us.  I am not saying this will be easy, it is stressful I know, and you are feeling down.  Just try to block the feelings of fear and despair.  Put them aside for now and reassure yourself that you can go back to these feelings after finals.

As for your boyfriend - NO ONE deserves to be physically hurt by a partner, no matter what.  I would suggest going to your university's counseling center, as mentioned above.   You do need to leave the relationship, when you decide it is safe to do, without putting yourself at further risk. If there is any way you can minimize contact with him, please try to do that.  Let people help you. Let people know where you are, and tell them if you need them. If you have friends who know he's hit you, let them or ask them rally around you for support and protection.  You are important and you WILL have a meaningful and productive life.  Herpes is not life-ending, although it can call for some life adjusting.  

You have a lot going on all at once, but I think you are actually moving in the right direction.  You found your way here for support, you know you're in a bad situation with your BF, and you know finals are important.  Your mental health and well being are important to you too.  You are trying very hard to take care of yourself, so give yourself some credit....you ARE going to get through this, you are strong.  Hang in there, talk to us, and try to focus yourself on what's next in your to-do list as you approach finals.  Do what has to be done (study, prepare) and try to just focus on that alone for each time.  One thing at a time., OK?  We'll be thinking of you.

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Blah, Free and Felix - I appreciate that you, as men, have responded so quickly and supportively (is that a word?) to Universe, and I am sure she does too.  Men standing up against abuse in relationships is really important.  It really helps women to know that there are men who absolutely get that hurting women is wrong.  Thank you.

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I have met women with genital herpes that meet soul mates and start a family. First focus on yourself and complete your studies. 

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 I am sorry you found this type so young in life. First, stop telling yourself you are ruined!!!! You have a virus that comes and goes and makes you think about how to do healthy things for yourself to avoid it.

I assume your now boyfriend passed this on to you, the one who hit you. That would be part of his Control Over You. Thinking you have to stay with him, because of this, is wrong! You would fight against a rope he had around your neck so look at this the same way. I know it is hard to get away from a violent person. As was suggested, tell all your friends and family about his actions to you, no need to tell about a virus or any health related issue beyond your mental state and fear about him. His power is your weakness, he feeds off it. Keep your phone handy to record anything that is threatening to you in case you need proof to take to authorities or police for protection. Do not antagonize him or engage in arguments, you can't win. Find your inner strength to face him, do not show fear as that empowers him. I had problems with 2 stalker types and they only stopped when the police got involved. I was lucky they were not more vicious. I wish I had THE ANSWER for you but every situation is different so get out before it gets worse!


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