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Toolegittoquit

Newly diagnosed HSV. What changes for my partner and I?

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Toolegittoquit

So at age 50 I got my first OB of anything in my genitals ever this weekend. Felt like a cut, then more discomfort, then to my horror I look closely and see the ulcers, 2 on my penis and multiple ones on my scrotum. Doc takes one look and confidently says I have HSV just yesterday. Puts me on AV meds and now its time to start my new life with HSV. I'm upset but really OK with it. Life happens. I've made it to 50 without anything major happening and I am in really great health. I have enjoyed a pretty perfect life for most of it. So I consider myself blessed and am taking this in stride. 

Any help would be most appreciated. 

A little background, I am in a committed relationship for the last year with a wonderful woman. We are getting married next month. I assume I got HSV from her as previously I was with the same partner for 30 years with neither of us ever having any type of issues and there was never any infidelity. Besides my fiance also got out of a two year relationship with a guy that had HSV prior to being with me. So one can assume it most likely transmitted from her to me. She shows no symptoms but we both assume she has HSV and we are seeking further tests to confirm it.

So questions from an HSV newbie:

1. My fiance and I have a tremendous sex life. We are both healthy, thin, super fit athletes that enjoy all forms of sexual pleasure. We both enjoy frequent and passionate sex.  So if we both have HSV, what needs to change if anything? We've never used condoms as she has an IUD. Any reason to use them now? Any type of sex that should be off limits? We both LOVE giving and receiving oral sex. Does any of that need to change?

2. Should we both go on AV as needed when we feel an OB coming on? Any reason to take as a suppressant. My doc pretty much left it up to me. He said he has patients that do it either way. He gave me a prescription for Valtrex, 500mg, twice per day., with 6 months refills 

3.  How long will your 1st OB take to heal up? Its been 4 days since I noticed the first visible ulceration. Today is my 2nd day on Valtrex.

I know I will have a million more questions but those are the ones that come to mind at the moment. 

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Felix12

If you both have it, you're ironically in luck. Go crazy in bed. Just be careful not to touch an outbreak and wash your hands right after if you do, because it can be spread to another part of the body  (though rare). Avoid sex during outbreaks though for the same reason, plus it can be uncomfortable. This doesn't have to change anything between you two, other than awareness of overall health. Stay healthy and stress free, ad outbreaks will be more controllable.

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WilsoInAus

There are aspects in what you describe that would make me question whether this was genital herpes at all.

However here is a perfect example where you have the opportunity to kick HSV into irrelevance. Look at what you have, sounds awesome to me and clearly what makes you both feel happy.

You know the best thing you can do? Just forget it. You know how you have a million questions? Let them go, none of it is relevant.

If this is herpes, then so what? Nothing you can do about it for now. What would you want to do about it or change in your life. Both you and your partner may get a genital sore now and again, so what? You do not need antivirals unless your outbreak frequency is pretty bad. No sex is off limits at all. 

You can completely drop the issue for years and then potentially revisit things if there is a vaccine available. But until then, just get on with what you want in your life

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    • Abdul malik
      I'm in ny and 39 inshallah Allah u still check for this
    • WilsoInAus
      That's exactly right, you can return to your life and get the blood test as a sleep easy in 12 weeks time (from the last episode).
    • Laurenhelena
      Him and his ex have regular breakouts with all the traditional symptoms and I believe he was swabbed.  So I can return to life as it was before all of this drama ? I may still look into a blood test is I am confident it is accurate 
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      @Laurenhelena how is this guy sure he has herpes? All sounding a bit odd to me. Yes it is very unlikely you will develop lesions now. Rubbing skin to skin is required for any feasible transmission chance. The odds of transmission with unprotected vaginal sex are of the order of 0.08% per epsiode. Halve this if a condom is worn. Compare that to chamydia that has about a 33% chance of transmission with unprotected sex; now that's contagious!
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      I just feel that it’s known as such a contagious STD - I’ve been lying to my family cause when I tried to talk about it they became very anxious and begged me to tell them I hadn’t slept with him when I had - If someone told me that they slept with someone with genital herpes my mind would instantly think they had it.  So it’s unlikely then that I’m going to get symptoms now? I’m not going anything further with that guy but we have cuddled and kissed in bed with underwear on, is that ok?  Im quite sure he has hsv2 given that his ex gave it to him through a threesome  I’ve never had a cold sore   
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