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Newly diagnosed HSV. What changes for my partner and I?


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So at age 50 I got my first OB of anything in my genitals ever this weekend. Felt like a cut, then more discomfort, then to my horror I look closely and see the ulcers, 2 on my penis and multiple ones on my scrotum. Doc takes one look and confidently says I have HSV just yesterday. Puts me on AV meds and now its time to start my new life with HSV. I'm upset but really OK with it. Life happens. I've made it to 50 without anything major happening and I am in really great health. I have enjoyed a pretty perfect life for most of it. So I consider myself blessed and am taking this in stride. 

Any help would be most appreciated. 

A little background, I am in a committed relationship for the last year with a wonderful woman. We are getting married next month. I assume I got HSV from her as previously I was with the same partner for 30 years with neither of us ever having any type of issues and there was never any infidelity. Besides my fiance also got out of a two year relationship with a guy that had HSV prior to being with me. So one can assume it most likely transmitted from her to me. She shows no symptoms but we both assume she has HSV and we are seeking further tests to confirm it.

So questions from an HSV newbie:

1. My fiance and I have a tremendous sex life. We are both healthy, thin, super fit athletes that enjoy all forms of sexual pleasure. We both enjoy frequent and passionate sex.  So if we both have HSV, what needs to change if anything? We've never used condoms as she has an IUD. Any reason to use them now? Any type of sex that should be off limits? We both LOVE giving and receiving oral sex. Does any of that need to change?

2. Should we both go on AV as needed when we feel an OB coming on? Any reason to take as a suppressant. My doc pretty much left it up to me. He said he has patients that do it either way. He gave me a prescription for Valtrex, 500mg, twice per day., with 6 months refills 

3.  How long will your 1st OB take to heal up? Its been 4 days since I noticed the first visible ulceration. Today is my 2nd day on Valtrex.

I know I will have a million more questions but those are the ones that come to mind at the moment. 

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If you both have it, you're ironically in luck. Go crazy in bed. Just be careful not to touch an outbreak and wash your hands right after if you do, because it can be spread to another part of the body  (though rare). Avoid sex during outbreaks though for the same reason, plus it can be uncomfortable. This doesn't have to change anything between you two, other than awareness of overall health. Stay healthy and stress free, ad outbreaks will be more controllable.

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There are aspects in what you describe that would make me question whether this was genital herpes at all.

However here is a perfect example where you have the opportunity to kick HSV into irrelevance. Look at what you have, sounds awesome to me and clearly what makes you both feel happy.

You know the best thing you can do? Just forget it. You know how you have a million questions? Let them go, none of it is relevant.

If this is herpes, then so what? Nothing you can do about it for now. What would you want to do about it or change in your life. Both you and your partner may get a genital sore now and again, so what? You do not need antivirals unless your outbreak frequency is pretty bad. No sex is off limits at all. 

You can completely drop the issue for years and then potentially revisit things if there is a vaccine available. But until then, just get on with what you want in your life

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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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