Scared & Alone

[luvurself16]

I was recently diagnosed with HSV1 and 2 in November. The jerk that transmitted this virus to me did not disclose that he had it. We dated 3 three years on and off. Our relationship was very volatile. He is a manipulator and was verbally abusive towards me. We slept with each other (he wouldn't take no for an answer) March of this year and immediately two days later had the typical text book symptoms. I contacted him and he was very angry that I would accuse him of giving me an STD. I never brought up the subject and eventually symptoms went away. I still went to doctor and HSV tests and all other STDs came back negative but I tested positive for bacterial vaginitis. I eventually was able to end things with this toxic person for my sake and my child. I started graduate school and life was improving. Fast forward November and I  noticed the linear cuts and ulcers down south were back. I go see my gyno and swabs came back negative but my IgM and IgG came back positive for HSV1 AND 2! Per my gyno the infections were recent. Immediately I was very ... very homicidal and eventually suicidal. I started seeing a therapist. From speaking to my therapist, my therapist believes he purposely infected me to keep me. He is currently with the mother of his kid(s) but through mutual friends I found out that he speaks about me every day and vocalizes how he misses. The mother of his kid (s) has the virus. I remember a couple weeks before I was infected  he told me that the mother of his kid(s) may call me and lie that he has herpes in an attempt to break us up. I believe he was sleeping with her and then spread it to me. I am very angry and feels he should be punished criminally and civilly. I  am in the process of figuring out how I can proceed without my name out. He is in law enforcement so he should have known better. I live in Fl and I am torn about how I should go about handling this situation so he will not infect another woman. I feel dirty, substandard and I go through boughts where I punch myself. The only thing that keeps me going is my child but I am afraid to infect my child. I don't kiss, hug or anything as much as i used to before being diagnosed. He's back with his ex (patient zero) and I am doomed to be alone forever. His ex is known to have many conquests. I am upset that I have this virus and I never slept around. I definitely want nothing to do with him and want him held responible for his actions.

[WilsoInAus]

This is upsetting. It does certainly show the importance of taking things slow in relationships and committing in time once you see the real person and how they live their promises over a decent period of time. I hope you find someone nice very soon.

Do you have more details of your test results? Was the test type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2 with separate values or just a single result?

[Blahdittilyblah]

I'm not entirely sure but a lawsuit would be difficult to prove. Health records or private and he'd basically have to admit it. I believe it's only criminal when it pertains to HIV. I can understand your anger and frustration but don't worry about it to much just stay away from him and begin educating yourself on this virus. If you have any questions there is plenty of people here that can and will help. 

[luvurself16]

3 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

This is upsetting. It does certainly show the importance of taking things slow in relationships and committing in time once you see the real person and how they live their promises over a decent period of time. I hope you find someone nice very soon.

Do you have more details of your test results? Was the test type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2 with separate values or just a single result?

 

I do not have the exact details of my results but I am definitely going to get a copy. 

2 hours ago, Blahdittilyblah said:

I'm not entirely sure but a lawsuit would be difficult to prove. Health records or private and he'd basically have to admit it. I believe it's only criminal when it pertains to HIV. I can understand your anger and frustration but don't worry about it to much just stay away from him and begin educating yourself on this virus. If you have any questions there is plenty of people here that can and will help. 

I live in Fl (USA) and per statute 384.24 it is a criminal offense punishable by fines, jail time and/or probation. The statute covers chancroid, gonorrhea, granuloma inguinale, lymphogranuloma venereum, genital herpes simplex, chlamydia, nongonococcal urethritis (NGU), pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)/acute salpingitis, or syphilis. And of course HIV. Plus with him being in law enforcement he will be placed on a higher pedestal with him swearing in to "protect and serve" not infect. I plan to confront him again and try to use the feelings he has for me to confess what he did.  Hopefully he's not a member in this forum. To be honest ... if I do not go the civil and/or legal route I will probably end up killing him. My therapist also believes this. I feel when you knowingly put someone's else health and life in danger you're also putting yourself in harm's way. You never know how someone will react.

Edited December 15, 2016 by luvurself16

[Blahdittilyblah]

Again the difficult thing will be to prove that he already knew. And I mean knew from a medical diagnosis not a hunch or feeling. You can certainly sue that is your right. However, and this is my opinion it ultimately will not resolve anything. You will still have herpes as will he and you may get some money or he may face criminal charges lose his job but none of that will take away the herpes. If it's a revenge thing I get it if it's a he should pay for this thing I understand. But what I'm basically trying to say is what is your actual end resolve here by doing this, if it's to teach a lesson and maybe get him to stop not disclosing to people then ok but if it's purely for revenge and anger I think it be best to wait a little until emotions are not involved again all my opinion. 

[luvurself16]

5 minutes ago, Blahdittilyblah said:

Again the difficult thing will be to prove that he already knew. And I mean knew from a medical diagnosis not a hunch or feeling. You can certainly sue that is your right. However, and this is my opinion it ultimately will not resolve anything. You will still have herpes as will he and you may get some money or he may face criminal charges lose his job but none of that will take away the herpes. If it's a revenge thing I get it if it's a he should pay for this thing I understand. But what I'm basically trying to say is what is your actual end resolve here by doing this, if it's to teach a lesson and maybe get him to stop not disclosing to people then ok but if it's purely for revenge and anger I think it be best to wait a little until emotions are not involved again all my opinion. 

I am angry but my reason is so that way he won't ruin someone else's life. I will always have herpes but I will not remain a victim. I don't even know if he has any other STDs that he didn't disclose to me. I feel if I remain silent I am allowing him to hurt other people. 

[Blahdittilyblah]

But did he ruin your life or simply alter how you approach certain aspects of life. I mean I don't feel my life's ruined, it hasn't stopped me from anything and hasn't changed much except for having to disclose to a potential partner. Other then that I'm the same person I eat drink smoke etc all the same as I did before my liberty is still there and I still have the same friends and family, my personality is the same I still love the same things. I understand this is new and difficult to process as we all would rather not have H and have to disclose but that's the main point that makes this hard to accept disclosing and possibly transmitting to someone else. This doesn't guarantee he won't "ruin" someone else's life it may deter him but if he doesn't want to say something again he may not and maybe that person won't take legal action. But this is all just my thought process. I personally can't stand civil suits over anything but I do understand your perspective here just trying to help you figure out what it really will do in the end. 

[SureWhyNot]

 

You could not protect yourself, how can you expect to protect others??? You are talking about taking the life of another human being, no matter how shitty that person is you have NO RIGHT!!! Why are you not focusing on healing yourself from this toxic relationship and the anger you are dealing with instead of how You can play God?????

Why do you care how he feels about you? You got out now you want to keep your foot in the door???

What will revenge do here???? He is a cop and thinking like a criminal so what do you expect other than his blue line coming together? Big Deal, he gets a fine and some people know he has HSV! You will look like the bad guy for going after him because he can claim he had no idea he had it or could pass it on. The Only reason to pursue this would be to secure coverage for medical expenses brought about by HSV and the therapy required. This is too new and painful for you to see clearly around this and you are obviously volatile. If you must sue to make you feel you are in control, plan how to get coverage that will ease your expenses, but not from the "protecting others" or vengeance angle, it just won't fly. You will be expending a lot of negative energy in his direction instead of healing yourself so make sure you are clear on what and why you are doing.

11 hours ago, luvurself16 said:

punishable by fines, jail time and/or probation.

[SureWhyNot]

14 hours ago, luvurself16 said:

We slept with each other (he wouldn't take no for an answer)

P.S. That is rape! There you have a case!

[luvurself16]

5 minutes ago, Blahdittilyblah said:

But did he ruin your life or simply alter how you approach certain aspects of life. I mean I don't feel my life's ruined, it hasn't stopped me from anything and hasn't changed much except for having to disclose to a potential partner. Other then that I'm the same person I eat drink smoke etc all the same as I did before my liberty is still there and I still have the same friends and family, my personality is the same I still love the same things. I understand this is new and difficult to process as we all would rather not have H and have to disclose but that's the main point that makes this hard to accept disclosing and possibly transmitting to someone else. This doesn't guarantee he won't "ruin" someone else's life it may deter him but if he doesn't want to say something again he may not and maybe that person won't take legal action. But this is all just my thought process. I personally can't stand civil suits over anything but I do understand your perspective here just trying to help you figure out what it really will do in the end. 

Thank you and you are correct I will eventually live a somewhat normal life. However, currently I see a therapist weekly and it is costly. I cringe when my own child wants to hug me. I'm afraid I will transmit this virus to my eye and go blind. I'm not being negative but a realist. Other than ulcers, parathesia and the general malaise I am healthy. I continued running my marathons and try to stay active to keep my mind off things. I still wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I've never been sick before until this. I'm praying there will be a vaccine or something close enough to a cure one day. Because of this condition I have devoted my life to help others. I plan on doing missionary trips and eventually join the Navy. I refuse to let it hold me back.

[SureWhyNot]

3 minutes ago, luvurself16 said:

Because of this condition I have devoted my life to help others. I plan on doing missionary trips and eventually join the Navy. I refuse to let it hold me back.

Excellent approach to real life and how to kick it where it counts!

[luvurself16]

6 minutes ago, SureWhyNot said:

 

You could not protect yourself, how can you expect to protect others??? You are talking about taking the life of another human being, no matter how shitty that person is you have NO RIGHT!!! Why are you not focusing on healing yourself from this toxic relationship and the anger you are dealing with instead of how You can play God?????

Why do you care how he feels about you? You got out now you want to keep your foot in the door???

What will revenge do here???? He is a cop and thinking like a criminal so what do you expect other than his blue line coming together? Big Deal, he gets a fine and some people know he has HSV! You will look like the bad guy for going after him because he can claim he had no idea he had it or could pass it on. The Only reason to pursue this would be to secure coverage for medical expenses brought about by HSV and the therapy required. This is too new and painful for you to see clearly around this and you are obviously volatile. If you must sue to make you feel you are in control, plan how to get coverage that will ease your expenses, but not from the "protecting others" or vengeance angle, it just won't fly. You will be expending a lot of negative energy in his direction instead of healing yourself so make sure you are clear on what and why you are doing.

I spoke to a police officer to file and he agreed with me. He was unsure of the criminal case in regards of the punishment but recommended that I also pursue a civil suit. That was from an unbiased person. I can never play God but if I protect one person I'm okay with that. Thank you for your words.

[Blahdittilyblah]

I understand completely. I have only had this for 5 months. I know when I got it and from whom. It was an adjustment. The first month was the most difficult, I cried, I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn't even want to wake up just sleep all day. I had anxiety attacks and still do st times. I had the symptoms for about a month then they stopped and haven't come back. I too have a routine to ensure I don't get it anywhere else which is silly because it's unlikely. When I shower I use so much soap lol and the towel touches my face first then my body and after it touches my genitals it's in the hamper. It is an adjustment I will admit and a difficult one at that but one thing that has helped me is to understand it is not in my control and there is currently nothing I can do about it. So I'm gonna love my life to the fullest. We all hope for a cure or more so even a preventative vaccine. As long as I know I can give it to someone else I could deal with the symptoms in my own. But time will tell be strong. Come here for support you don't necessarily need a counselor you can talk to us. 

[luvurself16]

2 minutes ago, Blahdittilyblah said:

I understand completely. I have only had this for 5 months. I know when I got it and from whom. It was an adjustment. The first month was the most difficult, I cried, I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn't even want to wake up just sleep all day. I had anxiety attacks and still do st times. I had the symptoms for about a month then they stopped and haven't come back. I too have a routine to ensure I don't get it anywhere else which is silly because it's unlikely. When I shower I use so much soap lol and the towel touches my face first then my body and after it touches my genitals it's in the hamper. It is an adjustment I will admit and a difficult one at that but one thing that has helped me is to understand it is not in my control and there is currently nothing I can do about it. So I'm gonna love my life to the fullest. We all hope for a cure or more so even a preventative vaccine. As long as I know I can give it to someone else I could deal with the symptoms in my own. But time will tell be strong. Come here for support you don't necessarily need a counselor you can talk to us. 

Oh my therapist has helped me so much. I was a complete mess. I was very homicidal and suicidal. My therapist helped me understand that it could've been worse. I think its just hard because I don't understand why someone would infect someone purposely. This website is also a God send. It also helps me cope with life. 

[SureWhyNot]

4 minutes ago, luvurself16 said:

I think its just hard because I don't understand why someone would infect someone purposely.

And There it is! You could Never do this to another human so it is not possible for you to comprehend how someone, especially one who has sworn to protect, can be this manipulating. Humans have layers that are unimaginable by others without such nasty levels. You will never be able to figure it out because it is not part of your make up. Look at how you spun this around to help others! That is who you are! Don't let him drag you into his pit.