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Nervous 2016

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Nervous 2016 Honeycomb Member

Nervous 2016

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I just got my diagnosis today and need advice on how to handle a recent partner. I have been single for almost 3 years and had long time friend turn to a casual partner for a few months earlier this year. The condom broke in March and within a week I had a mild sore. I went to the doctor on the 2nd day and she said it did not look like herpes and my swab came back negative. So I continue with my dating life (not sleeping around) meet a great guy. We are talking about starting a relationship. One night after a date we end up sleeping together for the first time and after we were done he said the condom broke. Two weeks later I get another sore I go to the doctor the next day and she says it does not look like herpes but I requested she swab it anyways and my results came today that I have a positive hsv2. I still don't know the difference... Anyways this great guy I don't know what to do. I want to fall off the face of the earth and disappear but I want to continue to see him im afraid hell freak out if i disclose what I found out. he probably won't want to see me anymore anyways but I don't feel right not telling him. Even if there's probably a low chance he caught it that one night i would be devastated to think i may have given it to him. I just don't know what to do. I'm terrified of telling him and terrified of not.... 

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Free73 Acknowledged Support Member

Free73

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Just be honest with him and tell him after you had sex that you got a sore and you were tested and that it came back positive for HSV2.

Did you get any other symptoms other than the sores on both occasions, like flu like symptoms etc?

You have done the right thing on both occasions. On the first occasion, unless the doctor took the swab incorrectly, it appears as though you did not have herpes at that point. If you had the swab taken within two days of the sore appearing, that should produce a reliable diagnosis. Is it possible that the latest partner infected you?

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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OK, it does seem like you have had HSV-2 for a few months. Maybe it is worthwhile checking this as an IgG test taken right now, type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2, such that if it is positive that confirms a prior infection. If it is negative, then the current partner might actually be the source.

I think this might also be a good idea as potentially your swan was not correctly typed and HSV-1 may be a possibility. Hence you should be able to get the result in about a week and be able approach this guy with the correct information.

 

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Nervous 2016 Honeycomb Member

Nervous 2016

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30 minutes ago, Free73 said:

Just be honest with him and tell him after you had sex that you got a sore and you were tested and that it came back positive for HSV2.

Did you get any other symptoms other than the sores on both occasions, like flu like symptoms etc?

You have done the right thing on both occasions. On the first occasion, unless the doctor took the swab incorrectly, it appears as though you did not have herpes at that point. If you had the swab taken within two days of the sore appearing, that should produce a reliable diagnosis. Is it possible that the latest partner infected you?

Would you recommend my previous test be left out of the conversation? 

I mean I guess it is possible but I honestly feel it was the first guy. I had another lesion in between but the cleared overnight so I assumed it was just and irritation since I have sensitive skin. Other than that no other symptoms at all. I think that's another reason the doctor didn't think it was herpes. It didn't lool like or give off the symptoms that are associated with it.

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Nervous 2016 Honeycomb Member

Nervous 2016

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35 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

OK, it does seem like you have had HSV-2 for a few months. Maybe it is worthwhile checking this as an IgG test taken right now, type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2, such that if it is positive that confirms a prior infection. If it is negative, then the current partner might actually be the source.

I think this might also be a good idea as potentially your swan was not correctly typed and HSV-1 may be a possibility. Hence you should be able to get the result in about a week and be able approach this guy with the correct information.

 

Thank you, I have an appointment with my doctor Friday to Go over the results and ask my questions I'll ask for a blood test.

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Free73 Acknowledged Support Member

Free73

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2 hours ago, Nervous 2016 said:

Would you recommend my previous test be left out of the conversation? 

I mean I guess it is possible but I honestly feel it was the first guy. I had another lesion in between but the cleared overnight so I assumed it was just and irritation since I have sensitive skin. Other than that no other symptoms at all. I think that's another reason the doctor didn't think it was herpes. It didn't lool like or give off the symptoms that are associated with it.

The only thing you know for sure is that you tested positive recently. You can say that you had STD tests after the last partner you had before him in March and you tested negative for everything, so you cant explain how and why this came about, but politely suggest to him that it might be a good idea for him to get tested via IGG in about 12 weeks.  You have done nothing wrong. As far as you knew, your were STD free when you had sex with him.

If he tests negative then you both need to navigate your way around this and hopefully he will be understanding 

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Nervous 2016 Honeycomb Member

Nervous 2016

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3 hours ago, Free73 said:

The only thing you know for sure is that you tested positive recently. You can say that you had STD tests after the last partner you had before him in March and you tested negative for everything, so you cant explain how and why this came about, but politely suggest to him that it might be a good idea for him to get tested via IGG in about 12 weeks.  You have done nothing wrong. As far as you knew, your were STD free when you had sex with him.

If he tests negative then you both need to navigate your way around this and hopefully he will be understanding 

Thank you so much, you've been extremely helpful and You're right I didn't do anything wrong. 

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    • CHT
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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