So stupid can't believe it.

[SoCe]

Hey, I met a guy online we got to know each other for two months and we met up and he was great we slept together twice I called it off but started talking with him again as I freaked out. We had sex a week later quite late as we couldn't sleep and he had to be up early for work.  He came down in the morning saying he had a cut on his penis so we couldn't have sex for a week while it healed. I asked if it was normal he said it was as he had it before and it was just a cut from friction. Two days later I woke up feeling exhausted and really sore inside my vagina. Then I felt a pain in the left side of my vagina, which was uncomfortable and I could feel when sitting  and walking. Two days later I looked in the mirror and saw an ulcer inside my vagina, I also saw four small blisters on different parts of my inner vagina, I monitored them for four days and had booked the next available appointment with my doctor which was four days away. I had bad vaginal discharge which was flowing out of me. He located me to hospital gum clinic but had no one to take care of my son for me. I tried to go today and they closed Saturday clinic. I won't be able to go now until Tuesday. I shared my concerns with the guy he got tested and nurse said looks like herpes. I'm so heartbroken that he has given me herpes, I know it was my fault for sleeping with him unprotected.  I had got checked recently and hadn't slept with anyone but him since then he told me he was clean as well. I know it can stay dormant in your spine for years but I am certain I got it from him. I've told him I don't want to speak to him anymore, I don't think he knew he had it and I don't think he meant it but I just feel so dirty  I feel like I don't deserve my son and that hhe would be better off without a dirty diseased mom .

[cantdoit]

Many on here did a dumb thing and contracted h. You aren't alone. 

[Felix12]

First of all, you got herpes the same way many of us have. Even with condoms, you still could've gotten it. The only way anyone is truly not at risk for herpes, is to not have sex. You just caught the most common std, which happens to almost 1 million people a year. You really not dirty or unclean. You've most definitely been exposed to HPV in the past, as most all sexually active people are. Did that make you dirty? No. Herpes was just stigmatized for profit. It is traumatic for something unfamiliar to happen to your body. I went though that. But I recommend educating yourself about herpes as best as you can, and I guarantee you that it will become a lot less scary. It's not a detriment to your health and certainly not a reflection of what type of person you are. 2/3 of the world's population has herpes. Welcome to being among the majority of human beings!

[Retiredarmyguy]

So true. And if he acted like that then he definitely isn't goid enough for you and you deserve much more than that as do we all. Keep your chin up. I struggle everyday wit this as well. 

[SoCe]

Thank you all for your responses, so glad I'm not alone. My ex wants to get back with me andnive just told him I've had a generic STD check up to make sure I'm clean before I sleep with him. I'm quite a paranoid person and he hasn't clicked on yet, I asked him what he would do if I had a incurable STD such as herpes he said it wouldn't bother him and I explained that I read an article and a lot of people get herpes and stuff like repeat cold sores and that chicken pox is a relative of herpes! He said he doesn't feel as though it would be such a big problem. Went to the gum clinic today she said my ulcers inside are infected and has given me antibiotics and treated me for thrush as well. She also is treating me for herpes I am on a five day course of aciclovir. I had my first salt bath and feeling the sting now. Everyday I'm battling one day I'm like okay with having herpes and the next I'm heartbroken. Also when did your appetite return after your first outbreak? Almost two weeks since I lost my appetite! I'm living off one meal a day! Lost so much weight but I'm not trying to!

Also the guy who gave it me tried to lie, after I said what it might be and asked him about his cut he told me he had never had one before and the only time he had a cut was when he cut his banjo during viagrous sex and it was severely painful as I minagine it would be. I repeated what he said when he woke up for work ( four hours after sex) that he had a cut on his penis and then to worry that he had it before from vigorous sex and that it would heal in a week but we couldn't have sex for a week. Then after he changed his mind and then tried to project it onto me. I know I caught it off him I had a sore in my vagina two days after he had a cut. I also wouldn't think that he would develop it four hours after we had sex! I said his sounds like a repeat break out! I said this is my first and I had a horrible pounding head and was exhausted for about three days! Then suddenly he had been feeling ill high blood pressure , head aches but he put it down to stress. We used to speak every day! He would of told me ! All the symptoms I listed he suddenly had! But he was fine before I said that he might have herpes. Anyways how does sex work after I am healed? My herpes are ulcers inside my vagina. Once they are healed how can I protect a new sexual partner. Condoms are a must and oral is out the window as the whole skin shedding and virus still active scares me so much. Would hate for him to get it and we break up as I feel he would be so heatedly towards me for it. Feeling so confused as never though anyone would want to be sexually active with me again.

[DocP]

SoCe,

i would suggest finding a knowledgeable doctor that you can discuss all of your concerns with. For me this is my gynocologist. There are lifestyle changes, neutraceuticals and medications you can use to protect yourself and your future partners.

You'll get through this and You will be fine. 

Forget about the guy who gave this to you... the anger will only fester and hurt you. As obvious as it seems to you now, he probably had no idea what it was. It can't be undone, just go forward and take care of yourself.

Your ex sounds like a reasonable fellow. If you feel comfortable, have an open talk with him. 

[SoCe]

Thank you DocP. I'm still waiting on my results but I'm pretty certain of what it is. Yeah I'm trying to forget about him, I just regret sleeping with him. But like you said I can't keep going over what has happened has happened. When the results come back I will, but he has been spiteful to me in the past so my fear would be for us to break up andfor him to spread the rumour that I have herpes. 

[fixme1]

it is hard to deal with ,  but things do get better. This forum can help alot and people are here to talk. Youve got to look at this way. most places (especially uk) dont routinely check for hsv, I bet alot of people you know have it. No matter who you meet there is always a chance someone has it.

[SoCe]

Well a blood test today confirmed I have genital herpes and I haven't told anyone and doubt I will be unless is a sexual partner. But the doctor told me today that I don't need to tell people just avoid having sex when I have a break out? She said she has herpes 1 and at least with genital herpes no one can tell I'm having an outbreak. I just feel so dirty and regretful  

Edited January 5, 2017 by SoCe

[DocP]

@SoCe I think all of us felt that way or worse at some point. It will mess with your head for a while but you're going to be ok. Remember that something like 90% percent of people who have herpes are blissfully unaware. They don't feel dirty, or regretful, they just go on with their lives as usual. The only difference between you and any of them is that you carry the burden because you know... 

[SoCe]

I spoke to the guy who gave it me and he is such a liar. He was besotted with me and we had only met three times said he loved me Like wtf? He also said he had a cut after the first time we slept together? If so why would you sleep with someone the next day as well? If you had a cut ? Wouldn't you wonder what it was or let it heal first before having sex again? His story doesn't add up, the last time we had sex he told me in the morning he had the cut but reassured me he had it before and it was from vigorous sex? I've never heard of that happening to anyone before. Then he started with the whole pity him and he is feeling the same and he cares deeply about me andnmy daughter and if we ever need anything to go to him. I ignored his message and he messaged again saying guess you are not talking to me again and how hard it has been for him to not message me. I ignored that one and blocked him and he texted me! He is so creepy and i think he gave it me on purpose so I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else. I'm so angry and sad I know it's my fault but I trusted him. We had been speaking for two months before I met up with him.

[Cepheid]

" But the doctor told me today that I don't need to tell people just avoid having sex when I have a break out? "

Wow, I'm just coming off relationship where GF didn't tell me for three month she had genital herpes. I think it's only fair to be honest and let your partner make the choice if he/she wants to be intimate.

 

[SoCe]

That's what the doctor told me, doesn't mean it's where my morals lie. Of course I would tell someone before having sexual contact with them that I have genital herpes, I would never engage in sexual activities with someone without warning them of this beforehand and letting them make their own decision. 

[SoCe]

If you re read my post I was questioning what the doctor said and beforehand said I would only tell someone I had genital herpes if I was going to be intimate with them . Maybe read post properly beforehand