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Diagnosed yesterday


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Hello, I'm a 33 year old female. I have a 3 year old son. I have been single for 2 years, going on a few dates with men who seemed to not want real relationships. About a month ago I met the man of my dreams. Sweet, caring and looking for a future with me. We had sex for the first time oral and vaginal about 10 days ago. Now I have herpes.  My outbreak is unbearably painful but the worst part is telling him. I am sure that he gave it to me probably without knowing he did. I can't imagine having this conversation. I'm terrified he will leave me and I will be alone forever with herpes. I love him and I'm not mad at him I just don't know what to do. Help please. 

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I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, and I just got diagnosed on Sunday. He was the one who took me in. He thinks I cheated on him, which I didn't, but is supportive otherwise.

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I'm so scared to have this conversation. Even though I am sure I got it from him. I haven't slept with anyone for 4 months before Him. How did you tell your boyfriend?

I feel like my life is over 

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Well we live together so he knew the outbreak was happening and took me to the ER. He had a lot of reactions, most of which were anger. We've been together 8 months with no symptoms or anything so infidelity obviously came up. I have never cheated on him, so at least you have a start as to where you got it. We have no idea. He's coming to terms and is a little more understanding now, though he does have an outburst here and there saying I cheated on him. I'd say just be honest and open. The worst that could happen will be his leaving. As much as that would hurt, it'd be for the best. If he can't support you in this time, then bye bye!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Mommy12345!

I am 34 yr old, also a single mommy and I found myself in similar shoes back in early September.  I had been single for over 6 years and with the amazing man of my dreams for 4 months when I had my primary H outbreak. As painful and debilitating as my first outbreak was, I too dreaded telling my boyfriend.  

I ended up telling him over the phone while at work because I just couldn't keep it in any longer. The "what ifs" were causing me some serious stress and anxiety over hypothetical outcomes. My boyfriend ended up being incredibly supportive and concerned for my well being when I told him. The previous weekend he had come over and took care of me, I was that sick with my initial outbreak.

He was incredibly relieved it wasn't something else as I had felt like I was on deaths door. I even had explicit instructions from my Dr that if I got worse to head to the emergency room. Boyfriend also went and got himself tested right away, we knew he had cold sores in the past and thought that he had given me his OHSV1 genitally.

When all is said and done it turns out I have GHSV2, and he has both 1 & 2. Surprise!!!!  Pretty confident that he gave it to me and I also wasn't mad at all, just concerned for our future together. He was super apologetic after he found out he also has it and more than likely gave it to me.  We are still happily coupled and with us both having HSV2 it doesn't affect our sexy times at all.

I hope your talk with him goes well and wish you the best! I just kept telling myself that if its meant to be, it will be. After you talk with him make sure he goes and gets tested as well so you know where you both stand with H. Both my Bf and I thought we were both "clean" (hahaha) being HSV isn't tested for with the normal STD panel.


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Just tell him what is going on maybe he didn't know maybe he did. It's important to have this conversation in person so you. An see how he reacts. His reaction will tell you if he knew or not and if he didn't know it's important to tell him so he can get checked and be aware so if you two don't work out he won't unknowingly go around infecting others. 

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If he's a good man, he will not be mad, but instead be supportive and responsibly get himself tested as well. You didn't know you had it, so you have done nothing wrong. He may have given it to you unknowngly, or someone else may have, but there is nothing to fear in telling him. It may even make you stronger together, as communication in a relationship is one of the most important elements.

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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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