Everyone knows about me.

[moonshine1]

Hi all,

First time on here,

So I was diagnosed with this a few years ago and thought nothing of it, i even told a few friends casually. Young and naive, here i am a few years later and I know everyone my age around me knows about this, and i'm finding it quite depressing talking to girls, thinking they already know what I have.

I've had a couple of relationships since diagnosed with girls out of my circles, and it hasn't really hit home until now that I'm known amongst all my friends, and people i knew from school, behind my back as the guy with herpes.

I've never spoken to anyone about this since, just denied it and made jokes, 

Now i've a little trouble sleeping, and its been on my mind for a couple of weeks, wandering why i'm such a fool.

Don't know if anyone is in the same position but i'm guessing this is as bad as it can get.

It would be good to hear some thoughts.

[SoCe]

For me personally I would only tell people I trust. As people have said there is a huge stigma around herpes and a lot of people are very small minded. I would suggest only sharing it to people you are going to be intimate with. It's hard because be honest with yourself would you want to sleep with someone if they told you they hard herpes? I'm sure there are women out there who would be willing to still have sex with you, you may even find a woman who also has herpes! But I feel the same I cannot sleep and I'm just uncertain about the future. Life goes on doesn't it? I hope you are okay and find what you are looking for x

[luvurself16]

I personally only told my therapist and the police officer handling my case against the person that purposely infected me. Just remember to disclose to anyone you plan on sleeping with. You never know how someone will react if you infect them with an incurable STD.

Edited December 29, 2016 by luvurself16

[Lisajd]

3 hours ago, moonshine1 said:

Hi all,

First time on here,

So I was diagnosed with this a few years ago and thought nothing of it, i even told a few friends casually. Young and naive, here i am a few years later and I know everyone my age around me knows about this, and i'm finding it quite depressing talking to girls, thinking they already know what I have.

I've had a couple of relationships since diagnosed with girls out of my circles, and it hasn't really hit home until now that I'm known amongst all my friends, and people i knew from school, behind my back as the guy with herpes.

I've never spoken to anyone about this since, just denied it and made jokes, 

Now i've a little trouble sleeping, and its been on my mind for a couple of weeks, wandering why i'm such a fool.

Don't know if anyone is in the same position but i'm guessing this is as bad as it can get.

It would be good to hear some thoughts.

There are probably two things you can do you can deny that you have herpes or you can go up to them and say yep I have herpes and here are some facts about it.   These people are obviously very and educated about it and that's what is the problem with most people once they realise that anybody can get it and can get it very easily then they certainly change their tune.

And I bet you if you said to them when did you last have a test for herpes or did you know cold sores are herpes they would actually stop and think.

I have told quite a few people and none of them think of me any differently but I guess I am nearly 50 and most of my friends are mature and respectful

[slotsubop]

I was outed today!  My whole place of employment knows now.  They all treated me like a lepper today and it has me on the verge of a breakdown.  I have had both strans for over 4 years now and my stress levels woke up the sleeping giant that is herpes.  I accidently heard them talking about me putting in for retirement because there uneducated and are scared which I can't blame them.  I take suppressive therapy daily but it doesn't seem to work anymore.  I am trying to keep it togeather but am failing.  I have seven years left to do and I do feel like retireing but I cant financially.  I can't allow them to mentally force me out.  I have to stay on the path, but Iam literally and mentally dying.  I know its not cancer, but I believe it's much more then a skin condition.

[moonshine1]

Thanks for your comments. It's a little late for just telling people that i can trust. It's a strange situation, as i know all of my friends know, but they still treat me the same, which is good i guess.

I think its just going to be difficult to find a partner who would want to be with me. its true why would i want to start a relationship with someone who had HIV or another STD. 

Do you think it would be a good idea to change my identity, like remove facebook for while? with so much social media, its not easy to hide.

 

[SoCe]

No I think you should continue as normal,  because if you isolate yourself you will start to become depressed. You are not a diseased, you were given a virus by someone you trusted. You will find someone who will want to be with you regardless of herpes. See it this way it will filter your potential partners as the mature ones won't be bothered that you have a skin condition and there is medicine available for them to have to reduce the risk of them getting it.

[Lisajd]

On Thursday, December 29, 2016 at 3:39 PM, slotsubop said:

I was outed today!  My whole place of employment knows now.  They all treated me like a lepper today and it has me on the verge of a breakdown.  I have had both strans for over 4 years now and my stress levels woke up the sleeping giant that is herpes.  I accidently heard them talking about me putting in for retirement because there uneducated and are scared which I can't blame them.  I take suppressive therapy daily but it doesn't seem to work anymore.  I am trying to keep it togeather but am failing.  I have seven years left to do and I do feel like retireing but I cant financially.  I can't allow them to mentally force me out.  I have to stay on the path, but Iam literally and mentally dying.  I know its not cancer, but I believe it's much more then a skin condition.

Well if what they are doing is a form of bullying then you need to take that to management and perhaps if the whole work place is talking about you it is an issue and they need to deal with it.  Perhaps some information might not go astray by the sounds of things to tell them about the facts.  But I'm sorry that you are going through this it just goes to show you how nasty people can be.  But please be strong and put on a brave face to show that you don't care

[slotsubop]

9 minutes ago, Lisajd said:

Well if what they are doing is a form of bullying then you need to take that to management and perhaps if the whole work place is talking about you it is an issue and they need to deal with it.  Perhaps some information might not go astray by the sounds of things to tell them about the facts.  But I'm sorry that you are going through this it just goes to show you how nasty people can be.  But please be strong and put on a brave face to show that you don't care

Thank you so much for careing Lisajd....thing is there not saying anything directly to me, I over heard them and when walked up on them, they all froze as the elephant which is I came into the room.  You are absolutely right Lisa when you ask for me to be strong and put on a brave face and ACT like I don't care, that is the only thing I can do to progress.  I like everyone else need that therapeutic vax so bad.  I read a lot of good things are happening in 2017 and I so hope because I'm mentally consumed as I've came to this site literately about 20 times today in hopes of new news

[Free73]

You need to stop giving a fuck.

Hiding something about you because of shame is another form of shame.

When you got it and you started telling people, you thought nothing of it and so it didnt affect your life. And that was the best approach to take because herpes is not a big deal.

Over time you have allowed yourself to get caught up in the bullshit stigma and other people's opinions and the worry of that just feeds more worry.

So just go back to being yourself and not giving a fuck.