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G-HSV1: Stigma, rumors

Sf9311

By Sf9311,
in Personal Experience with Herpes

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Sf9311 Newbie

Sf9311

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A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with G-HSV1. I went to student health after experiencing a breakout thinking I was experiencing an allergic reaction to Vagisil. I was not expecting the news I was given...I was alone, 5 hours from home with no idea what to do. And I was in pain. I told someone I thought I trusted. He was in a well-known fraternity, and before I knew it half of the campus had stamped "HERPES" on my forehead. Living in a small state in the Midwest, people all over the state know this about me.

I had one breakout at the time of my diagnosis and haven't had any since then, but so far people have made my life a living fucking hell. Just yesterday, a guy I was seeing said "I was really pretty skeptical when I found out you have herpes and didn't tell me." He wasn't even willing to listen when I tried to educate him. He's shut me out completely. Since when did people that I'm not intimate or who don't even know me that well with decide that my body is their business? I've been burned in the past by telling guys too early. I may be seen as wrong for this, but I've decided to tell people when I feel like I can trust them. And I've learned that the way people react when I tell them really speaks volumes about their character.

This might seem crazy, but I've slowly started to see this virus as a blessing. It's helped me weed out guys who don't deserve an ounce of my attention. Most people are so fucking uneducated and don't even want to listen when I try to explain something I've been living with for two years now. Has anyone else experienced how hard it is to explain G-HSV1? It sucks. Most people think I'm lying or trying to make the situation better than it is when the truth is IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. There's this ugly stigma on herpes that paints us as disgusting individuals who walk around with nasty breakouts on our genitals. The worst part? People think it's FUNNY to say "ew be careful with her, she has herpes." What they don't realize is the crippling depression I've experienced from having this. I'm a living, breathing, human being. I am not herpes, and I will continue to surround myself with people who treat me unequivocally.

It's pretty obvious that I'm still struggling with coming to terms with this. If anyone has suggestions or opinions on disclosing or becoming at peace with this, feel free to share.

 

SF

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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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Posted (edited)

Well, funny thing is....  I bet about 10 percent of those idiots have hsv1 and 2.  15 percent hsv2 and 70 percent hsv1.  Since the rumor has spread all over campus, not much you can do about it.  Funny because you probably got the best wakeup call for your life.  More partners than not have hsv1.  I never tested partners before.  I was naiive and uneducated.  You now have some amazing tools to vett partners.  I wouldnt fault someone who is hsv1 and 2 negative for rejecting me if I had ghsv1.  I had a ton of paranoia from a partner negative of both.  

I think that if you focus on being successful and sexy, the rest will happen.  Test.  Test. Test.  I tested zero of my first 4 partners.  Bad, bad idea.  I am lucky I dont have hsv1 & 2.  You honestly should understand that almost everyone knows.  And they are ignorant and dont care.  

And 70 percent of those ignorant f-tards also have hsv1.  Just in a diff spot than you.  If I were you....  While in college, I would disclose on the first date with all the facts and tell him that you test TOGETHER with every partner prior to sex.  

I say 1st date cause people on your campus are talking.  It is best to wait till 3rd or 4th date when sex may be a consideration.  Well, that is what I do w OHSV1.  I tell em everything cause I want to protect her.  To allow her to make a choice.  And....  I then ask if I can go down on her.   Because she deserves to be able to make a choice.  I also do not want hsv2 as well.  The pain and possible quick recurrences.  I dont judge if someone doesnt want to see me due to hsv1.  It isnt personal to me.  It will help you weed out some but I think you should test to protect against getting hsv2 as well.  You should literally find that handout and give it to em.  Hell.  Show em your last test results.  Gotta fight fire w fire.  Misinformation vs. The truth

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      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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