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Who here is a member of a regular dating site?


BoatyMcBoatface

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I've decided to start looking around dating sites that aren't for HSV+ people only again. It's not OKCupid so I can't search for the "Are you ok with dating someone with genital herpes?" question.

I haven't included my status in my profile. If I get to the point where someone wants to meet I plan on telling them before that happens. I don't plan on stringing anyone along for a long time before meeting without telling them either.

Is this a bad strategy? 

 

 

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I would meet before telling them.  I dont feel it is stringing them along at all.  They know that any person could be hsv+.  Just my thoughts.  You absolutely should disclose prior to sex.  But 2 or 3 dates?  Or even more?  Why not?  Gotta be on YOUR timeline, though

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If you make it out to be a big deal, it will be perceived as a big deal and will likely scare a future partner away. The most important dating story of my life is this:

I had just been diagnosed with hsv-2 and went on my first date since being back on the scene. We had a good time and I did not mention having herpes. We met up again the next day, and had a lot of fun. At some point she started telling me about how her best friend recently met a guy with herpes and that while she appreciated him telling her, she couldn't continue to see him. I asked her, "if you were in that situation, would it have been a dealbreaker for you?" Her response, "oh no, there is no way I would date someone with genital herpes. It is gross" At this point, I let it out. I told her about my situation, and as you can imagine, she was surprised. I explained to her about the stigma and the statistics. Then she told me something that she said she had never told anyone she dated before. Both of her parents were hiv+ (both got it well after she was born) She told me about the stigma around hiv and how before she learned about it, she wasn't fully educated about that either. She told me that she knew little about herpes and learning about a new virus scared her because dealing with the stigma of loved ones having hiv was difficult. But she slowly stated to change her feelings. Anyways, we both got tested together, and eventually had sex. She had strong feelings for me, and herpes became a non-factor.

When she had reacted the way she did when I told her, I nearly got up and walked out in the middle of the date. But instead, I educated her. And she educated me. You never know what someone else has faced in their lives, so while any person you date in the future may or may not have herpes, they likely have dealt with other difficult things. Keep an open mind and an open line of communication, and you may not initially get a great reaction when you disclose. But stay confident, knowledgeable, and ready to educate.

Edited by Felix12
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That's life every one got a story! Love this thanks for sharing.  My new bf got tested he was positive for h1 low# he had fever blisters as a child...made him understand h2

1 hour ago, Felix12 said:

If you make it out to be a big deal, it will be perceived as a big deal and will likely scare a future partner away. The most important dating story of my life is this:

I had just been diagnosed with hsv-2 and went on my first date since being back on the scene. We had a good time and I did not mention having herpes. We met up again the next day, and had a lot of fun. At some point she started telling me about how her best friend recently met a guy with herpes and that while she appreciated him telling her, she couldn't continue to see him. I asked her, "if you were in that situation, would it have been a dealbreaker for you?" Her response, "oh no, there is no way I would date someone with genital herpes. It is gross" At this point, I let it out. I told her about my situation, and as you can imagine, she was surprised. I explained to her about the stigma and the statistics. Then she told me something that she said she had never told anyone she dated before. Both of her parents were hiv+ (both got it well after she was born) She told me about the stigma around hiv and how before she learned about it, she wasn't fully educated about that either. She told me that she knew little about herpes and learning about a new virus scared her because dealing with the stigma of loved ones having hiv was difficult. But she slowly stated to change her feelings. Anyways, we both got tested together, and eventually had sex. She had strong feelings for me, and herpes became a non-factor.

When she had reacted the way she did when I told her, I nearly got up and walked out in the middle of the date. But instead, I educated her. And she educated me. You never know what someone else has faced in their lives, so while any person you date in the future may or may not have herpes, they likely have dealt with other difficult things. Keep an open mind and an open line of communication, and you may not initially get a great reaction when you disclose. But stay confident, knowledgeable, and ready to educate.

better

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When i was single i was on many "normal" dating sites (whoops i sound like a tarts, im not, honest!)....and only ever encountered one negative response out of say 30/40 girls i dated and i only put that down their lack of knowledge etc.  I know there are a few herpes dating sites out there but just remember just because you have a STD in common, does not mean you are going to hit it off any easier romantically....infact, i found it worse to be honest.

When do you tell them about your situation? well, thats always down to the individual but i was always quite quick telling any potential partners as i didnt want to waste their time if they thought they couldnt cope but i always found the response very understanding and didnt put them off.  So, i would probably tell them within a couple of dates and always before anything sexual happened.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I haven't ventured out that far yet. I figure guys who are in my age group 40+ really don't wish to have to deal with herpes so I am thinking about join HSV+ dating sites , Dating at my age is a headache this might be one less thing I have to worry about.

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  • 1 month later...
On 1/3/2017 at 0:00 AM, BoatyMcBoatface said:

I've decided to start looking around dating sites that aren't for HSV+ people only again. It's not OKCupid so I can't search for the "Are you ok with dating someone with genital herpes?" question.

I haven't included my status in my profile. If I get to the point where someone wants to meet I plan on telling them before that happens. I don't plan on stringing anyone along for a long time before meeting without telling them either.

Is this a bad strategy? 

 

 

I would wait to tell, date but no sex, play safely if you like, and then before you get intimate, disclose you have and how safe you are.  Takes me a few weeks to 6 weeks. You are not stringing them along to wait, you are making sure this relationhip show potential first.

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I met someone on a dating site and we have been dating for about a month, kissing only. I know I will need to tell him but how is the question I was tested with negative results but I still get breakouts 1 blister every 3 or 4 mos. I am now taking valtrex every day which does seem to help. My test was done about 6 yrs ago so am thinking of getting another. If it is negative, do I have herpes?

 

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7 hours ago, Jenniferlee said:

I met someone on a dating site and we have been dating for about a month, kissing only. I know I will need to tell him but how is the question I was tested with negative results but I still get breakouts 1 blister every 3 or 4 mos. I am now taking valtrex every day which does seem to help. My test was done about 6 yrs ago so am thinking of getting another. If it is negative, do I have herpes?

 

Help, need your opinion!!

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That's life every one got a story! Love this thanks for sharing.  My new bf got tested he was positive for h1 low# he had fever blisters as a child...made him understand h2

On Tuesday, January 03, 2017 at 11:19 AM, Felix12 said:

If you make it out to be a big deal, it will be perceived as a big deal and will likely scare a future partner away. The most important dating story of my life is this:

I had just been diagnosed with hsv-2 and went on my first date since being back on the scene. We had a good time and I did not mention having herpes. We met up again the next day, and had a lot of fun. At some point she started telling me about how her best friend recently met a guy with herpes and that while she appreciated him telling her, she couldn't continue to see him. I asked her, "if you were in that situation, would it have been a dealbreaker for you?" Her response, "oh no, there is no way I would date someone with genital herpes. It is gross" At this point, I let it out. I told her about my situation, and as you can imagine, she was surprised. I explained to her about the stigma and the statistics. Then she told me something that she said she had never told anyone she dated before. Both of her parents were hiv+ (both got it well after she was born) She told me about the stigma around hiv and how before she learned about it, she wasn't fully educated about that either. She told me that she knew little about herpes and learning about a new virus scared her because dealing with the stigma of loved ones having hiv was difficult. But she slowly stated to change her feelings. Anyways, we both got tested together, and eventually had sex. She had strong feelings for me, and herpes became a non-factor.

When she had reacted the way she did when I told her, I nearly got up and walked out in the middle of the date. But instead, I educated her. And she educated me. You never know what someone else has faced in their lives, so while any person you date in the future may or may not have herpes, they likely have dealt with other difficult things. Keep an open mind and an open line of communication, and you may not initially get a great reaction when you disclose. But stay confident, knowledgeable, and ready to educate.

Hi it took me 6 weeks to disclose he was a bit slow as he hadn't been in relationship since his divorce. We were on his couch getting very passionate and I then pulled back he asked what was wrong. I told him I had to tell him something I started crying a bit I didn't want to but couldn't stop it. I then told and asked him if he knew about cold sores which is herpes 1 he said he had cold sores as a child. I informed him I was just diagnosed with cold sores down there that I was just learning about herpes and we could learn together.  I also told him he could kick me to the curb please you dont say that. Well at this point he was falling in love with me. This courtship happened all during my first outbreak it was so tough for me during this time. I mentioned we can still have sex and do other things too. Well that night we slept together.  he did igg blood test his results showed herpes 1 though low #s. March 23 will be a year for us.hes the best man but also I'm a different person. I take valtrex everyday for him primarily afraid to go off it but eould like too. This week i finally starting to feel normal down there the wrird feelings have lightened up. But every time i think that it starts back up. Everyone's journey maybe a bit different  this is what has so far worked for me. PM me if you want to disdiscuss more. Good luck you will be fine!

 

1 hour ago, Jenniferlee said:

Help, need your opinion!!

 

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