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June girl

What now

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Hey everyone!! So after a few months I have found a guy that I really like and want to take it to the next level with him. However, I have not told him that I have hsv2 and don't feel the need to until we become physical with each other. I have a few questions and wanted to put them out there to see if anyone that has had this longer than me and has experienced this would know. Also it might answer others questions too.

So I told him I want to take it slow and steady with him mainly because I want him to like me for me. I think he would be understanding about my situation and it is something that I would be safe about (using condoms and taking Valtrex 3 times a day) when having sex. But first what about the basics? EX: oral or just touching. I am way too scared to even do anything because I would never forgive myself if I spread it to someone else. I know it would be fine if I was oral to him but what if he went down on me or decided to touch me?? I don't even know what the risks are- it seems unpossible. 

What do you guys do in this situation? Does it spread or what precautions or limits do you take?? I haven't been with anyone since I got hsv2 and feel too vulnerable and not prepared and very new to this still.

Unrequited likes this

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I wish people would've responded. I'm in the same boat :(

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Hey, I hope this advise helps, but just from your comment, it seems like you might need to read a little more around the subject. Please search through the forum and read, there's so much good advice. and there's plenty of great websites and blogs which imho are probably a better place to get acurate information.

In terms of precautions, make sure you are on suppresive therapy. Especially seeing as you have only had it a short time, use condoms as well. PSA you won't always need to do this (if both partners decide), but better safe at first whilst you are finding your way. You really need to read as much as possible and there are many many websites and posts on here which give good advice. Please don't feel you need to rush into it, especially if you feel you need to educate yourself more. 

In terms of stats - and this is only coming from memory, transmission risk from women to men is about 4% per year, avoiding outbreaks, with suppresive therapy (valtrex acciclovir), thats about a 50% reduction and with condoms (all the time!) (2016 studies) that's another 64% reduction. So the risk is less than 1% annually if you take precautions.

Go to the herpes opportunity website for a disclosure handout, and also get a bit more other information. There's plenty of other sites, type herpes disclosure on google and i'm sure you'll find something

https://herpesopportunity.com/

Also read through the disclosing sections on this site, as that is really really important and you do it the right way and are prepared emotionally.

You also really need to know the facts and statistics in terms of risk of transmission so you know how to answer any questions and are also comfortable yourself.

I would advise you have the talk 'before' you get physical, as we are all human and unfortunately we can get carried away in the moment. Its really important this bit, for multiple reasons. Firstly, its important for you, so you can keep your respect and be honest and you may need to prepare script so you know what to say. Read other peoples disclosure experiences. Not disclosing is not fun and feels terrible. Secondly, you give him a choice, just to point out, some people are not very mature and may not respond how you like, especially as there is a (misplaced) stigma attached to it.  Additionally, some people aren't smart and can't make the decision on the spot, especially if they are all hot and bothered and not very wise when it comes to STDs. Herpes is not like most STIs. Whilst the risk is low,It is permanent as you know, so the decision needs to made well. He needs all the facts.. So you need to do it properly in the right environment. Hopefully, if he is mature and open minded and likes you for you, he will listen, might need some time to think about it and you should give him that. and then he'll make his decision. It is a preference. If he is a good person, regardless of his decision,  I would expect him to be impressed by your honesty maturity and integrity and if not then, well... maybe he will need to address his own issues.

But, aside from all of that pre disclosure advice, it's all about preparation, and confidence. You can and should be dating! Hopefully he's a lovely guy and it goes well. Go get em girl

I have never written any advice on disclosure before, but I hope this helps.

 

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58 minutes ago, mw_1234 said:

I wish people would've responded. I'm in the same boat :(

 

On 09/01/2017 at 1:22 AM, June girl said:

Hey everyone!! So after a few months I have found a guy that I really like and want to take it to the next level with him. However, I have not told him that I have hsv2 and don't feel the need to until we become physical with each other. I have a few questions and wanted to put them out there to see if anyone that has had this longer than me and has experienced this would know. Also it might answer others questions too.

So I told him I want to take it slow and steady with him mainly because I want him to like me for me. I think he would be understanding about my situation and it is something that I would be safe about (using condoms and taking Valtrex 3 times a day) when having sex. But first what about the basics? EX: oral or just touching. I am way too scared to even do anything because I would never forgive myself if I spread it to someone else. I know it would be fine if I was oral to him but what if he went down on me or decided to touch me?? I don't even know what the risks are- it seems unpossible. 

What do you guys do in this situation? Does it spread or what precautions or limits do you take?? I haven't been with anyone since I got hsv2 and feel too vulnerable and not prepared and very new to this still.

 

On 09/01/2017 at 1:22 AM, June girl said:

Hey everyone!! So after a few months I have found a guy that I really like and want to take it to the next level with him. However, I have not told him that I have hsv2 and don't feel the need to until we become physical with each other. I have a few questions and wanted to put them out there to see if anyone that has had this longer than me and has experienced this would know. Also it might answer others questions too.

So I told him I want to take it slow and steady with him mainly because I want him to like me for me. I think he would be understanding about my situation and it is something that I would be safe about (using condoms and taking Valtrex 3 times a day) when having sex. But first what about the basics? EX: oral or just touching. I am way too scared to even do anything because I would never forgive myself if I spread it to someone else. I know it would be fine if I was oral to him but what if he went down on me or decided to touch me?? I don't even know what the risks are- it seems unpossible. 

What do you guys do in this situation? Does it spread or what precautions or limits do you take?? I haven't been with anyone since I got hsv2 and feel too vulnerable and not prepared and very new to this still.

Hey June Girl, please read the response. Also, it is important to know if you have HSV1 or 2. As if he already gets coldsores, then it doesn't really matter as he will most likely be immune... As the majority of coldsores are HSV1 and... that is how most conversations start... I was wondering, do you get coldsores.. well....

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