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I messed up BAD!


Distraught1

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About a month ago I was diagnosed with herpes. Not sure if its 1 or 2. Just a visual exam by a dermatologist. It is downstairs though. If thats not bad enough, it gets worse. Im sure I got it from a one night stand and had to tell my girlfriend of 7 years about the whole thing. She is the love of my life and I feel lost without her now. I guess one mistake really can alter your life huh. The girl I cheated with isnt in the picture at all. Havent spoke with her since. I think my girlfriend could get past the cheating part but cant get passed me having an std like this to show for it and I cant blame her. I guess she had a blood test done and came up negative (thank god). I guess they told her over the phone. So now I lost my love and just got rid of a sore on my penis just in time for Christmas and the New year. First, I cant believe I cheated. Second, I cant believe I got herpes out of the deal. Oh wait, I can believe because now I will have outbreaks from time to time. 

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We're all human and we make mistakes by our nature.  Many of us wish we did things differently but it's not something we can change.  We have to keep moving forward.

Take some time to think about your next move, try to use some resources if you have them close to you (friends, support line, etc).  You told your gf about the situation and didn't hide the whole thing.  I think that shows you care for her.  She'll probably need some time to figure things out and giving her some space probably isn't a bad idea.

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The thing of it is I have no one to talk to about it. I cant tell my friends or family. I know none of them would understand. I would be shunned. Im still trying to get back in my gf's good graces but that will probably never happen. Cant blame her. Seems selfish to even try. Im having a really hard time dealing with it all. Im not even sure if I have 1 or 2. I asked the dermatologist that examined me if I should have blood work done and he basically said that it didnt matter but it was up to me. I keep reading on here about false positives and negatives or being asymptomatic and I have no idea what any of that means. I have no idea what I know or dont know about herpes. Is 1 better than 2? I think I know that a person can have 1 downstairs but can a person have 2 upstairs? Can I still scratch my balls when they itch? Does the pus from a blister make new blisters when they break? So many questions. 

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Please wash your hands thoroughly with warm water and soap. If you spread the virus to your eyes you can have vision issues. Possibly go blind. I recommend you do plenty of research on this virus. 

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15 minutes ago, Distraught1 said:

It seems like I wash my hands constantly anymore. Where do I even start to do research? What sites are the most reputable? 

The first of all the risk is quite low of you passing to ur  hands and then elsewhere unless you actually touch an active blister that has fluid in it.  Secondly you need to get over a swab of the blister done or get blood work done at least 12 weeks after the possible infection.  It is important to know whether it is type 1 or type 2 because they do have different symptoms and hsv 1 genital is also lower risk.  I believe there is some information on this site that you can read up on or I'm sure you can find a sites that talks about STDs.

I guess one thing that you need to really think about is why did you go and have this one night stand when you were with someone who you say you loved it must have been a reason.  

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@Lisajd has a good point.  There are two obvious things here: one, you've been diagnosed with a virus that you need to learn about (and you're by no means alone in this) and two, irrelevant of HSV you decided to cheat on your gf.  It's probably worth exploring why that happened.  If you didn't get HSV, would you have told your gf about the one night stand?

As for reputable sites, look at the very bottom of the page you are viewing on this forum.  There are a bunch of sites in a row down there and that's a good starting point.

Last piece of advice, be careful where you get your information from.  The internet can be a great resource but it can also be a dangerous one with scams and misinformation.  Use good judgment when searching.

Edited by Evaluate
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Hi @Distraught1. I think you might consider trying to find a doctor with a better battery of hsv knowledge. That one is probaby great with things like psoriasis and Plantars warts and acne but, they sound 20 years out of date with hsv. I know. I was diagnosed 21 years ago and you got basically the same talk I did. But there have been some great advances in that time. If there's a clinic in your area that specializes in sti's that might be good. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions about hsv or want an ear. I'm not an expert, but I'll do my best to answer you or find an answer for you. 

This stinks but you are going to be okay. Hugs.

Edited by LilyMae
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I really dont know how to thank you guys enough for your info and replies. For the sake of argument here I will call my dr visit a diagnosis. I first saw the first blister on Dec. 2 and was in the dermatologist office on Dec. 12. He said right away that it was herpes but couldnt say 1 or 2. No need for blood work because treatment would be the same. Take some meds and they go away. I showed my gf right away and had to come clean about my one night stand. Would I have told her if I didnt have to. No way! I tried my hardest to forget my damn self. I do believe that I should be tested but by who? I guess it would be a lab? Would I need a drs referral to get in? I guess to do a swab test I would have to wait for another breakout? The dr I saw perscribed me valacyclovir. 1 gm tablets. Took 2 then 12 hours later took the other 2. All signs of an outbreak are gone now. As far as I know there arent any clinics that specialize in sti around me. I will check. This is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I really wish that I would have had some self control when I cheated but I cant dwell on that. So far I haven't had anyone to talk to about this so it has been a god send to find this site. I live in a semi rural area and seriously doubt I could find a support group for people in my area. I dont do well in singles life either so that is going to make all of this even harder. 

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Google around for a sexual health agencies - I'm sure you'd find one that you can get to.  Getting a screen for other STDs probably isn't a bad idea either.  We all have made mistakes and you're not alone there.  Definitely take some time to chat with her.

As for the blood test to determine the type, it depends where you're from.  I would google that.  If you have to pay out of pocket you probably don't need a doctor's referral.

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Yes you definitely need to find a Doctor Who well actually swap the lesion because that is the most reliable way of finding out whether you actually in fact do have herpes or not for a start and also which type you have.

Yes the treatment is the same but both have different risks

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Again, thank all of you guys for all of the advice. As far as getting a lesion swabed I guess I would have to wait for another outbreak? And who would do that? Could I go to a lab and have them do something like that? I am in a pretty rural area so I dont want to go to my regular doctor. I work in the city so I could go to a doctor there but again what kind of doctor? Will a blood test confirm what a swab test will? So many questions. Some of which I dont know to ask yet. 

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Hi @Distraught1. If you feel comfortable private messaging me what city you're in I'd be happy to spend some time online looking for some medical care that looks more promising. Also I've seen posts where people talk about an online lab that does blood testing.  My understanding is that the blood tests are best done after 16 weeks while antibodies build up in the blood. 

 

Edited by LilyMae
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      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
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      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
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    • Jeremy Spokein
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      @WilsoInAus would really appreciate your input please. Kinda freaking out lol. 
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