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Krissy_84

Would you tell over text?

15 posts in this topic

So I met this guy online a few months ago. During us talkin, texting and flirting I found out I have herpes 2. So I all the sudden I stopped being flirty and told him I am only interested in friendship. He said OK but still flirts and I am still so into him. We are supposed to hang out this weekend and I told him again it's just as friends. He says it's OK but he does want a relationship. 

So I want to tell him why I backed off but I don't feel confident enough to say it in person. It's still so new to me. I want to tell him over text so that if he reacts badly I can disappear. Would you tell over text if you were still uncomfortable saying it in person?

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I haven't been diagnosed yet but I wouldn't. Call me too cautious but that's evidence someone has to out you ( if that's a fear of yours)  if they are ever upset with you...In person or even just telling over the phone is their word against yours...meet him make sure you can trust him with this information before telling him he may turn out not to even be worth knowing something so personal about you. 

Edited by veryscared1234
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32 minutes ago, veryscared1234 said:

I haven't been diagnosed yet but I wouldn't. Call me too cautious but that's evidence someone has to out you ( if that's a fear of yours)  if they are ever upset with you...In person or even just telling over the phone is their word against yours...meet him make sure you can trust him with this information before telling him he may turn out not to even be worth knowing something so personal about you. 

Yes that is a fear of mine I thought it might be irrational. But it's not of course some people are so evil they would do that. You're right I'm going to hang out as friends a few times before decide if I even want to tell him. 

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I've disclosed over text. With a 2/3 success rate. Regarding being outed... my attitude has always been that I am with HSV2 now probably forever, so I have to own it as much as I own my scraggly hair, or the fat beginning to pool around my waist. I don't tell people who don't need to know, but if someone 'outed' me, I am fully prepared to counter shame the fuck out of that person for being so childish as to 'out' someone for having herpes. In a way, being 'outed' would be a relief.

This is just food for thought- embrace herpes more. Your shame and self-sympathy will be the reason your disclosures fail, and the reason herpes is a dirty mark on your character. The worlds impression of you is a reflection of how you see yourself.

Get strong, or wither.

Krissy_84, Lisajd, TinkerbellAustralia and 1 other like this

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Personal choice.  I dont disclose OHSV1 over text.  I feel that being confident and factual can help mitigate both risk and fear.  If I had hsv2, no way w/ that either.  You have to do what you feel is right for YOU.

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I personally wouldn't for the reasons stated above.

 

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This is an old post, but I'll answer anyway. I would tell over text, and I already have.

I haven't been with anyone since I was diagnosed, but I did tell my two most recent partners especially because they wanted to keep seeing me and it's possible I got it from them. I told them both over text. Part of it was because I was nervous, but part of it was because I didn't want to waste anybody's time if they took it poorly. They were both nice about it, but haven't really talked to me since.

However, what made it easiest for me is that I live in a very large city, those guys don't run in my social circle or even go to my college, and there's literally no chance of them knowing anybody I know/getting the word out to people or having any reason to try and ruin my life. Plus, they seemed like nice guys, not the vindictive type. If you think a paper trail won't really harm you, then I wouldn't really say you shouldn't do it over text.  

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On Thursday, January 12, 2017 at 3:07 PM, Krissy_84 said:

So I met this guy online a few months ago. During us talkin, texting and flirting I found out I have herpes 2. So I all the sudden I stopped being flirty and told him I am only interested in friendship. He said OK but still flirts and I am still so into him. We are supposed to hang out this weekend and I told him again it's just as friends. He says it's OK but he does want a relationship. 

So I want to tell him why I backed off but I don't feel confident enough to say it in person. It's still so new to me. I want to tell him over text so that if he reacts badly I can disappear. Would you tell over text if you were still uncomfortable saying it in person?

Done it every time.  I ask for confidentiality.   Im not ashamed of h.  Sh1t happens.  Id rather not put another persin i hardly know in an akward position thru face to face.  Have you dated?

Edited by Lisajd

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On Thursday, January 12, 2017 at 3:22 PM, veryscared1234 said:

I haven't been diagnosed yet but I wouldn't. Call me too cautious but that's evidence someone has to out you ( if that's a fear of yours)  if they are ever upset with you...In person or even just telling over the phone is their word against yours...meet him make sure you can trust him with this information before telling him he may turn out not to even be worth knowing something so personal about you. 

i think you are sceptical about others and lack trust in people.  

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On Friday, January 13, 2017 at 7:33 AM, Sally89 said:

No text.  Paper trail. 

If you have it on text and they say ok.  You give it to them and try to.sue you you have the evidence to say you told them

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32 minutes ago, Lisajd said:

Done it every time.  I ask for confidentiality.   Im not ashamed of h.  Sh1t happens.  Id rather not put another persin i hardly know in an akward position thru face to face.  Have you dated?

Yea that's my other thing. How awkward it would be in person at the same time how could they out me we don't have the same circle. No I haven't dated. 

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4 hours ago, Lisajd said:

If you have it on text and they say ok.  You give it to them and try to.sue you you have the evidence to say you told them

The burden of proof would be on them. Unless they had a test prior stating they didn't have it, how can they prove it was you. There are way too many people who have this and don't even know it or test for it. The guy who gave it to me flat out refused to get tested. He would just rather pretend he doesn't have it.

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16 hours ago, Sally89 said:

The burden of proof would be on them. Unless they had a test prior stating they didn't have it, how can they prove it was you. There are way too many people who have this and don't even know it or test for it. The guy who gave it to me flat out refused to get tested. He would just rather pretend he doesn't have it.

Yes it is on them. I know a person who sued.  She tested neg prior to this guy.

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Too many false positives/ negatives happen to ever really "prove" anything...

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