I Hate My Husband!

[Essexgirl]

I have been married for a year (we have been together nearly three years). He brought me to Australia for a wonderful life. The past year has been hell. We have had money problems, I have the mother in law from hell and the icing on the cake is I have just been diagnosed with genital herpes!

He is completed devastated as much as I am. He obviously has given it to me. I have always "looked after myself" in this respect. He, before we met was basically a male tart! He hated women cos of really bad experiences in his past. He had no idea that he had it which I find really hard to understand but I do believe him but he has had no symptoms except when he was recently run down after a long series of night shift (he's a cop) he said he thought he had a couple of sweat pimples. His ex (who he reckons was the culprit) had continuous thrush and used to make him use caneston cream but he now reckons this was not thrush.

I am finding it so hard to cope with this. We have so much stress in our lives at the moment that I have had continuous outbreaks since being diagnosed 6 weeks ago and he has had none (which I find annoying)! I am also a survivor of breast cancer (9 years ago now thank god) and I am thinking what have I done in my life to deserve all this shit!!

He is a really good man and he adores me but at the moment I feel like walking but I know it would probably be the wrong decision cos I am not thinking straight.

Can anyone help please?

[welcome2myworld]

Hi Essexgirl,

This is my first post as I have just signed up today. I read your message and felt compelled to reply.

Firstly I want to say I'm really sorry to hear you've had such adversity in your life. Herpes is another complication.

Secondly, you mentioned you feel like walking out of your marriage. I would suggest to put those thoughts 'on hold' until you have gotten over the initial shock of finding out you have been affected and for the outbreak to be over. This is the worst period. If you can, use each other as support, something you will not have if you walk away now.

If you haven't done so already, it would be good meet other people and discuss your thoughts, feelings about the matter, being ont his site is a good start. And also learn as much as you can about the STi. It may be less daunting if you know just how prevelant herpes is and what it is and also that there are many others in similar situations. I know it helped me...

I also came accross a website listing celebrities who allegedly have herpes... including Liza Minnelli, Robin Williams, Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, and even Brangelina! For some strange reason knowing that even stars are succeptible to STis helped me with my own struggle to come to grips with it. I think it helps to reaslise you're not alone.

It will probably take some time for you to come to terms with this and I think (i know in my case) time will help. Don't rush into anything you may regret it later.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you...

[MsLucy]

The problem with running away is that we have to take ourselves along. And along with us, we almost always take the baggage that made us want to run away in the first place. You don't really hate your husband. You hate your circumstances.

In short one year, you've had a new country to adjust to, mother-in-law issues, money problems, and now this insult to injury... HSV. You were already emotionally exhausted, and now this last blow seems like more than you can bear. That's understandable. Unfortunately, it seems when things start to go wrong in our lives, sometimes they just keep on going, and just when we think life couldn't get any worse, it does.

The thing to remember is, nothing in life is permanent. Everything changes, and although it seems like your misery has no end, it will. Until then, you need to do what you can to try to take some of this stress off of yourself, because most likely, that's one of the reasons you're having constant ob's.

I'm sure your husband would do anything to undo what's happened if he could. Try not to be angry at him. Imagine, if the situation was reversed, how you would feel. Sometimes hurting someone we love can be even more painful than being hurt. Guilt is a heavy burden to carry, and I'm sure it's eating him up inside. Instead, lean on him for support for a while, til you get your bearings again. Let him run interference with your mother-in-law, if need be. Tell him you need him to be the strong one for a while so you can heal, and let him hold you up.

The money problems will work themselves out. The mother-in-law problem can be dealt with. Right now, you and your husband need to concentrate on seeing this through together, and let it bring you closer together rather than tearing you apart. Love is an amazing thing. Given the chance, it can survive and flourish under even the harshest circumstances, and so can we. Give yourself some time. You'll get through this, and you're going to be okay. You're stronger than you think.

[WaxedWrong]

woman you survived cancer, dont let this bring you down. your strong, you will get over this, just have some relaxation time, take a min for yourself and deal with 1 thing at a time.

[Essexgirl]

Thank you for your good advice welcometomyworld.

I do feel a bit better after reading my replies. I suppose I am just getting over the initial shock. I have been to the dr again and got some more Valtrex so hopefully that will curb the OB's.

And your right knowing that celebs get it as well makes you feel a bit more "human".

Thanks again for your kind words

Essexgirl X

[Essexgirl]

Hi writercll

You are so right about the running away cos wherever I run H comes with me! I original thought I would run back to England but what good would that do me!

I feel better about it now, we even managed a bit of a joke about it today can you believe. I have got through cancer twice so this should be a walk in the park!

Hopefully by Christmas most of our problems should be sorted. It has been a horrendous year for us so hopefully things can only get better!

Thanks for your kind words.

Essexgirl x

[Essexgirl]

You are completely right. I am a survivor!

This came as such a shock but things can only get better.

Thank you for your rely waxedwrong.

Essexgirl X