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A girl in my friend group is going out with a guy I disclosed to

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I live in a major city, but somehow this managed to happen.

I had my first outbreak around Christmas after a few months of casual, safe sex. I told the last two guys I was with, partly because I figured it might be one of them who gave it to me and partly because we had ongoing casual relationships so they had to know. Both were nice, but never really talked to either again. They both said they got tested and were negative. Don't know where I got it from, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

Today I find out that one of the guys, F, randomly met a girl in my friend group (as in she's really good friends with my really good friends, we hangout at social events a lot but don't talk otherwise), T, at a coffee shop and they're going out on a date.

How does this happen?! I live in one of the largest major cities in the US. F works full time, I go to college, we met on tinder - there was no way I could possibly assume he'd ever be back in my life. If I had known there was a possibility he would be back in my life like this, I'm not sure if I would have told him (obviously if I didn't tell him I wouldn't have kept seeing him). I probably would have told him maybe, but I wish I knew that this could happen so I would have been prepared. I thought I was good.

I freaked out because I was afraid he would say something to her. She and other friends know I've gone out with him, and he doesn't know I know her, so what if he brought up safe sex and mentioned he had been with a girl who turned out to have herpes? What if it came up and he joked about it? And she linked it back to me? I did not disclose to all of my friends because some I don't trust to know; I also don't trust her not to tell people. I don't want her to know.

I ended up texting him. My friends said I didn't need to, and maybe I didn't, but I just texted him and said that I heard he was going out with a girl I knew and to please not say anything about it to her. He said he wouldn't, and he's nice so hopefully he actually won't.

They literally haven't even gone on a first date yet so who knows if they'll see each other and how serious they'll get (she tends to get super serious, he didn't seem to want to be when I was still talking to him but if they have more chemistry and like each other who knows?) I'm jealous because even though I didn't like him much for long term, I had fun with him and wanted to keep seeing him. I want to be able to have fun and casually see people again. This is the saddest I've been since being diagnosed about it (first time I came close to crying), and I'm not sure WHY!

I just really hope I don't have to hear about them and hope she doesn't bring him around. And I really, really hope he keeps his mouth shut.

Sorry I just neeeded to vent to other HSV+ people who would understand haha.

 

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I would trust him.  I didnt and wont tell my friends if a girl I saw was.  The last two I have dated disclosed(prob cause I am adamant about testing) and I didnt tell any of my close buds at work although I talk to one of my buds about everything else.....  Know that he may talk about you every other way, though.  About your personality, what he liked/didnt like about you....

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The more you live life, I'm afraid the more you keep observing things and saying "how is this even possible". These things seem to be the combination a like 1 in a million shots.

The answer as I see it is that something has to happen and it isn't nearly as random as you may think.

Using your example, your friend is a friend to you because you have some things in common, maybe its your education, where you work, looks, neighbourhood etc. This guy friend both found you and is attracted to you for those reasons. Those same reasons are probably at play and led him to your friend.

Don't overplay what you disclosed. HSV-1 is hardly earth shattering in terms of how common it is. If you have genital herpes then it came likely from him or likely he has oral HSV-1 in any event. It just wouldn't be wise or paint him in a good light to use knowledge of a herpes infection for some personal gain of his.

Is it time for your IgG test? If you have HSV-2, this may change the complexion of things a bit, especially if you decide to tell him about it.

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I still like a girl who I have never met from CA and told him about her.  Cant get her outta my head but she is now engaged...  eh

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37 minutes ago, Disc0rdant said:

I would trust him.  I didnt and wont tell my friends if a girl I saw was.  The last two I have dated disclosed(prob cause I am adamant about testing) and I didnt tell any of my close buds at work although I talk to one of my buds about everything else.....  Know that he may talk about you every other way, though.  About your personality, what he liked/didnt like about you....

That's fine. She actually wanted to talk to me about him, but I refused. I probably look a little nutty about him to the outside world that doesn't know about the herpes. I didn't like him, I don't care that they're together - I just don't like that he knows my secret, and I don't know him well enough to know if I trust him. 

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37 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

The more you live life, I'm afraid the more you keep observing things and saying "how is this even possible". These things seem to be the combination a like 1 in a million shots.

The answer as I see it is that something has to happen and it isn't nearly as random as you may think.

Using your example, your friend is a friend to you because you have some things in common, maybe its your education, where you work, looks, neighbourhood etc. This guy friend both found you and is attracted to you for those reasons. Those same reasons are probably at play and led him to your friend.

Don't overplay what you disclosed. HSV-1 is hardly earth shattering in terms of how common it is. If you have genital herpes then it came likely from him or likely he has oral HSV-1 in any event. It just wouldn't be wise or paint him in a good light to use knowledge of a herpes infection for some personal gain of his.

Is it time for your IgG test? If you have HSV-2, this may change the complexion of things a bit, especially if you decide to tell him about it.

I know I have oral HSV1, and have for half my life. I don't know what I have genitally conclusively, which I told him as much. 

That actually makes a little sense to me, why it would happen. 

He was tested for HSV and told me he came back negative (he told me this when I asked him not to tell her especially if he was negative and had no reason to). 

I have no intention of telling her, since he said he tested negative and I don't want her (and others) to know that I have herpes. 

I wanted to wait the full 4 months since I last had sex to get igg tested, even though those partners that said they tested negative were the only ones I told and who said they were negative with a blood test and fall into the four months. I already have OHSV1, so I hear that GHSV1 is veryyyyy unlikely, so I assume I have GHSV2

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I think that is right, it is pretty much HSV-2 genitally or bust (meaning false alarm).

If you only test positive for HSV-1 then you should indeed assume it is oral and you would need a typed positive swab of a genital lesion to confirm that diagnosis.

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I think there is no way as a male i would share that kinda information to 3rd party as it would just make me look like an total idiot. There would also be high possibility that hes the one that gave it to you if you actually do have hsv-2 down there. Was he not even worried that he might be the one carrying it in the first place? 

I kinda do not understand how you are diagnosed with herpes but there is not any testing done to support this diagnosis? If you would had have it before these fellows you would already have antibodies in your blood for it. I'm not saying some one is lying about testing them selves but it really do sound like it if this is herpes related problem.  

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